Redeem
by ladybug82896
Summary: Bella hasn't been home in four years. She has been away going through college and living her life, but felt like home was where she needed to be and returned... well that's what she tells everyone anyway. In light of everything that's happened can Bella find the strength to tell everyone the truth? Can she redeem herself, and heal the wounds she never meant to make? She hopes so.
1. Coming Back

**Hey everybody, it's me again! Yeah it's been a while I know but I have good news, I have re-written five chapters of this story and am working on the sixth right now. I know I'm not to great at updating but I figured that as long as I gave myself a head start it might not be too bad. I wanted to just pre-write the whole story but that would take way to long so I figured five chapters is as good as it's going to get. After I finish all of my stories I'm not going to post anything for a while. I have a lot of new stories I've been working on pre-writing so I don't have as many update problems which is also part of the reason updating is proving to be very hard. Sorry for saying so much but I just wanted to let you guys know. So I hope you enjoy the steady flow of updates for five chapters and hopefully I can keep it going! By the way these long notes will be at the end of the chapter now unless I need to tell you guys something before you read. All right enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I really don't want to put this in every chapter so this goes for the whole story; I do not own the Twilight Saga or the characters in it.**

**Coming Back**

Bella's POV

My heart was racing in my chest as I drove down the familiar road. What would he think? I know I shouldn't have left when I did, but I had to, or that's what it felt like at least. I knew in my heart that I couldn't stay there with _him, _with Edward. I needed some time to think and he wasn't giving it to me by having our wedding only two months after he proposed. I pulled into the driveway and got out of my old truck. I walked slowly up to the front door and then reached out to knock, but I hesitated.

What if he yelled? What if he didn't want me back into his life? No, he couldn't do that to me, he loves me. But I hurt him; I hurt everyone when I left. How could I ever make it up to them? _Well you're never gonna know unless you knock on the door._ I thought. Before I could change my mind I reached out and knocked four times on the wooden door.

I heard the television turn down and the squeak of the couch indicating that he was coming to the door. _I should leave._I thought. _I should really leave._ I took a step back, but as I was turning the door opened behind me.

"Bella." I heard my father's voice behind me and turned. His facial features had hardened since I saw him last. I could see the stress that had been etched into his face and couldn't help but feel responsible. I looked into his eyes and saw tears in them. His hand was still on the edge of the door and for a moment I thought he was going to close it. Instead he let go of the door and pulled me into his arms.

"I thought I would never see you again," he whispered.

"I'm right here dad." I whispered back. I squeezed my eyes shut to keep from crying.

"Where have you been Bella?" he asked. _Trust me dad, you don't want to know._I thought.

"I thought you were dead!" he said_._I could tell that me leaving was something that had hurt him deeply. I didn't want to tell him that sometimes I wish I were dead because of what had happened. Anyway, I put on my happy face for him; I didn't want him to know what really happened while I was gone.

"I went back to Phoenix, got an apartment and my degree in literature online, and got a job at a local restaurant. I know I should have called or something but I really just needed to be away from everyone." _That's a load of bullshit._

"Well I'm glad you're home and happy you're not hurt. And quite frankly I happy that you're still a Swan." he said. That was a sensitive spot with me. I had thought that Edward and I were meant to be, but on the day of the wedding I felt uneasy. A rush of memories came flooding back to me. I remembered the different times he had treated me like a child and lied to me for "my own good". I remembered when he left me and broke my heart because he thought it was what I needed. I remembered how controlling and manipulative he was and came to realize that Jake was right. He wasn't the perfect man I thought he was. When Jake came into the picture he treated my life like some game and then had the nerve to cheat. Him dazzling me was in no way romantic, it was a way for him to control me, and I didn't want to be controlled any more.

Unfortunately for me I discovered all of this at the alter. I ran out of the Cullens house and jumped in my truck. I went back to my house and packed a suitcase of stuff and most of my money before hightailing it to Arizona. It was sunny that day, thank god, other wise the Cullens could have caught me before I left. It was the reason we had the wedding at the Cullens house and made sure the light from the windows was not on them.

I went to a few different locations and never made up my mind on where I would stay so they couldn't find me before settling in Phoenix. It was sunny almost all the time and I thought it would be a good place to hide out if they were searching for me. I was scared that they would bring me back to face the consequences of my decisions, and that was something I wasn't ready for. Instead Alice called me and in a teary message she said that she knew I needed some space so she would stop looking for me in her visions and let me be independent for a while. She told me that the whole family would stop tracking me and just give me the time I needed. I was thankful at the time, but now I wish she had kept looking.

Charlie noticed my discomfort and quickly changed the subject.

"Do you want to stay here until you find a place? I mean, you're staying in Forks right... for good?" he asked hopefully. I smiled and replied, "Yes dad, I am staying in Forks, and I would be so grateful if you let me stay here for a few weeks. I promise I won't be too much of a burden." He smiled and opened the door wide so I could come in. It looked like it had just as had two and a half years ago.

"You can have your old bedroom. It's all the same. When you're all settled we can talk," he said. He gave me a meaningful look before going back into the living room. I sighed and went back out to the car. I knew I was going to have to talk to my father, but I wasn't ready to tell him what happened yet.

I walked up the stairs and up to my room. Charlie wasn't lying when he said that it hadn't changed. The bedspread was the same color and a little wrinkled from me packing so hurriedly. The clothes in my closet were still there, my dirty clothes hamper was still half way filled, even the desk was filled with pictures of Edward and I as well as pictures of me with ... Jacob. I missed him so much. No doubt he would be mad at me. I knew I should stop by and see him, but I was too afraid of what he might say. Shaking my head and coming back to the present I left my room and went downstairs. Charlie was on the couch watching TV, but I could tell he wasn't paying attention.

I sat down next to him. "Well, I think you need to start Bells." Charlie said and turned to me. I took a deep breath before I started.

"I know I messed up dad, I do. I shouldn't have left that day. I was just a little uneasy about the weeding and then I realized I couldn't go through with it so I fled. I am so sorry I hurt you, you didn't deserve that and neither did mom or... well anyway I was wrong." I said.

"It's okay that you didn't want to get married, and I can understand you running, but you should have called me sweetheart." Charlie said. I hung me head. _I wish I could have called._I thought_._

"I know." I said. I could never apologize enough for the pain I caused him.

"Alright Bells, I guess there is nothing we can do about it seeing as I can't exactly ground you now. Just promise me that you won't go on any more trips without telling me first and calling me occasionally when you're there." he said after a moment of silence.

"I, Isabella Swan, promise not to go on any long trips without telling you and calling you while I am there." I said while holding my right hand up. He smiled and gave me a hug.

"Alright, it's getting late Bells. I'm going to catch some shut-eye. Goodnight." he said, giving me a kiss on the cheek and walking up the stairs.

"Night dad." I yelled after him before turning off all of the lights and TV and making my way to the bathroom. I wasted no time in turning the hot water on and jumping into the shower. I felt all the dirt and grime from the days travels wash away as the hot water fell on to my back. I stepped out of the shower after about ten minutes or so and wrapped a towel around me before heading to my room.

I fumbled around in the dark until I found my pj's, which were just sweats and a camisole and put them on. I got in my bed with every intention of falling asleep but I kept thinking about different things kept popping into my head. I wondered if Edward and the Cullens were still in Forks and if the knew I was here. I wondered how much the pack hates me now. I wonder how Jacob feels about me now.

Jacob. My best friend that I fell in love with. He was the main reason I fled the wedding. I couldn't marry Edward knowing that I could have a better life with another man. At the time I thought it was selfish of me, but now I realize that it was the right thing to do. I can't always live my life for other people. Edward wanted to get married, not me. I shouldn't have to feel pressured into marrying someone, we should have both felt like it was time for us to take that step and that wasn't the case with Edward and I.

Still it was wrong of me to flee. I showed such cowardice that day. What I should have done was stand there and face my consequences. Maybe Edward and his family would have screamed at me for leading him on, but I deserved it because I did lead him on. My father would no doubt be happy about the whole thing and once the embarrassment from saying that I didn't love the man I was about to marry was over everything would have been fine.

So why did I leave, what was I afraid of? Jacob Black. I was scared to death of facing him. I didn't know what he would think of everything. If I told him that I left Edward for him I wasn't sure if he would be happy and take me in his arms, or push me away for breaking his heart. But even if he had turned his back on me it was, once again, something I deserved. I broke his heart because I couldn't see past Edward's dazzling effects. I was stupid and naive and my stupidity hurt the person I love most.

_I will right my wrongs. I will be brave and take all my consequences without running. I will try my best to make up for the things I have done._That was the last thought I had before I finally fell asleep.

**This is about the shortest any chapter will be. The other chapters are a bit longer. If you would prefer shorter chapters just tell me and I can break some of the longer chapters up and post them a bit sooner. All right, leave me some love! MERRY CHRISTMAS!  
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	2. Finding A Job

**Finding A Job**

Bella's POV

I woke up in the morning to the smell of coffee. I got up and went down stairs to find Charlie sitting at the table with coffee and cereal in front of him and a newspaper in his hands.

"Morning dad," I said as I walked into the kitchen to fix my own bowl of cereal.

"Good morning Bells. Sleep well?" he asked.

"Yes," I lied. I haven't slept well in a while. My nights were always littered with unwanted dreams.

"Good. I have to go into the station today so it looks like you've got the house to yourself." He got up and placed his bowl in the sink while he talked.

"That's fine." I said while sitting down at the table. There was a beat of silence before Charlie asked, "So, do you have any plans for today?"

"Yes, I'm going to re-stock the kitchen so I can have something to work with." I teased. Upon my departure Charlie, apparently did not cook at all.

"Sorry about that. I usually ordered pizza or take out. Sometimes I ate at the Clearwaters or the Blacks so I didn't really need groceries." he said sheepishly.

I sobered up quickly at the mention of the Blacks. I knew Jacob was going to be angry with me. _Maybe I should go see him today. I need to face the music sometime, and I'd rather it be sooner instead of later_. I thought. Charlie sighed and went upstairs for about five minutes, most likely getting dressed for work.

"Okay Bells, I'm gonna go." he said as he came down the stairs. He gave me a quick kiss on my cheek before leaving.

"Bye dad," I yelled just as the door closed. I heard the cruiser pull out of the driveway a few seconds later. I sighed, feeling alone and a bit on edge. To distract myself I washed the dishes and unpacked my small suitcase, but it only took me about an hour and half. Sighing I got up and put on some slightly baggy jeans along with a Green Day T-shirt before I left for the store.

I pulled into the parking lot for Betsy's Market and got out of my truck. I walked into the small market and up and down to aisles getting the items I needed. I got lettuce, tomatoes, potatoes, onions, raw spinach, canned beans, noodles for both spaghetti and macaroni, some ground beef, and some cold cuts for sandwiches. I pulled my basket to the front and bought everything. I hadn't spent much money in the years I had been gone but I still needed a job, especially if I wanted to get my own place. I didn't want to live off of Charlie for the rest of my life.

I loaded the bags into the back of the truck and went back to put the basket away, but when I got to the cart return I bumped into something warm and soft. Flustered, I looked up into a very familiar pair of eyes. I stepped back and got a good look at him.

His face was hard mask and his eyes were burning with hatred at the moment. He looked a bit older, his muscles were bigger and even more pronounced than when I last saw him. He was currently in faded cut offs and a solid black T-shirt that made him look incredibly sexy. It was obvious that he had changed in the years I had been gone, but at the same time he still looked like my Jacob, just a bit more matured.

"Hi Jacob." I said after I finished looking him over.

"Bella." he said in a hard tone. It was silent for a moment and I looked down at my feet. What should I say? I can't just stand here and not say anything. Shit! Why is this so fucking hard to do? I wanted to run back to my car and leave, but that wouldn't solve anything. I needed to stop being so weak and face the consequences of my choices. So I looked up into his dark onyx eyes and began to plead my case.

"Jacob I'm sor-" I started but he interrupted me.

"Sorry? You think saying you're sorry is going to fix anything? I'm so fucking sick of that word, sorry. It seems to be all I hear all fucking day and it doesn't do a god damn thing!" Jacob snarled. I knew we were making a scene, but I deserved this public humiliation. In a way it's karma for escaping the humiliation of standing before my family and friends to tell them I agreed to an engagement that I didn't really want.

"I know apologizing doesn't help anything, but it doesn't change the fact that I _am_ sorry. I know I say it way too much so with me it tends to lose it's meaning, and I'm working on that. But this apology comes from the deepest part of my heart. You don't have to accept it, I can tell by the look in your eyes that you're not. I just wanted to let you know that I really didn't mean for things to go the way they did." I said while never breaking eye contact with him. His face seemed to soften a bit but his eyes were still filled with anger.

"You're right, I can't accept that apology. It doesn't erase the fact that you left me here, that you left everyone. We didn't hear anything from you for four years Bella! We thought you were dead!" He was shaking now, getting more and more angry as our conversation went on. I reached out and touched his hand rubbing smooth circles on the top.

"Jake calm down." I said gently. The shaking subsided and all of the anger vanished from his face for a second, but only for a second. He whipped his hand away quickly and took a small step back.

"I didn't want to stay away for so long I just..." I trailed off and looked away. I wanted to tell him, I did, but I just couldn't. This was a part of my life that I was so ashamed of. He deserved to know, but I wasn't strong enough to tell him yet.

"Just what Bella, just what?" he asked angrily. I opened my mouth prepared to feed him another lie but quickly closed it. Lying to him would only make things worse when I told him the truth.

"That's what I thought. Look, I'm happy you're back and you're safe, but I can't just forgive you for abandoning me, for leaving everyone who knew you. When you want to tell me why you were gone maybe I can forgive you, but just disappearing is not okay," he said a bit calmer. He gave me a meaningful look before he walked away from me and into the store without another word. I watched him leave and walked back to my truck with a horrible ache in my gut.

I had to tell him, and soon, because I couldn't take it if Jake was walking around angry with me. I felt like I had just been scolded by my parents. Jacob was right, leaving everyone behind was a big mistake, but what's done is done. All that I can do now is try to fix what I've broken.

_~Redeem~_

I went home and cooked some beef casserole for dinner. Charlie and I ate in a comfortable silence for most of the meal, as we usually did, but when we had both finished eating we started talking.

"So how was your day Bella?" I could tell that Charlie was a little uncomfortable with small talk, even though I was his daughter. You would think that seeing my father in discomfort would make me feel uneasy as well, but it was actually quite amusing.

"It was good dad. How was yours?"

"Good. We caught this guy that vandalized schools and libraries. It wasn't a big victory or anything but we still got him." It was silent for a little while before I decided to speak again.

"Tomorrow I was going to go job hunting. Any ideas?" I asked hopefully.

"Well that depends, what kind of job are you looking for?"

"I want to do something in the literature department, but since I don't have any type of income and any job is better than no job I'm not really being picky." I sighed. I wanted to be picky. I wanted to say that I was qualified enough to accept or decline any job and be as picky as I wanted to be, but I wasn't. The degree that I had gotten wasn't exactly complete. It was one of those online colleges and I had a few more months to go.

I told my dad I had gone to college because I wanted to have something to tell people that would make them at least a little proud of me. It was also an excuse in a way. When people asked me, "What were you doing for all that time?" I could say I went to college and got a good education. Instead what could I say? That I had gotten... I couldn't even think it I was so disgusted with myself.

"Your best bet for anything with writing and all that would be Port Angeles. There are a few new book stores down there and some newspaper companies. Who knows, maybe you could get published." Charlie gave me a bright smile, which I returned. That would be amazing to see a piece of my work published. If I could get an article published and then maybe a review, who knows maybe I could even write a book. The possibilities were endless.

"Thanks dad, I will definitely check it out." I said enthusiastically.

"No problem," he said as he stood and put his plate and silverware in the sink. We stayed up a little while longer watching some baseball game. I didn't really pay attention, I didn't really see a point if I didn't even know how to play the game well. I remember how I "played" baseball with the Cullens. I hadn't even really played at all. I just stayed next to Esme while she played referee. It's just another example of why Edward and his family were so wrong for me.

With them I was nothing but a breakable human. They looked at me like I was an pet insect, inferior and easily killed. They shielded me from things I didn't want to be protected from and kept me from experiencing certain human things because they were so out of touch with their human selves. Jacob and I could play a whole game of mud football and he won't think twice about tackling me. Sure it was a way to get me into his arms and vice versa, but it still means something. It should have seen all of these things before I agreed to marry Edward. What was I thinking?

"Alright, well I'm gonna go to bed Bells." Charlie interrupted my self-loathing thoughts.

"Okay, I think I will too. After all, I have to go looking for jobs tomorrow." I said after blinking a few times to bring myself back to the present. I climbed the stairs to my bedroom, telling myself that I would take a shower in the morning. Weariness overtook me swiftly as I put on my sweats and camisole. I was extremely grateful for the soft mattress and fluffy pillows as I lay down and drifted off to sleep.

_~Redeem~_

_I was in a lake and the water was dark. There was no moon in the sky leaving me surrounded by blackness. My body stung all over and I tried to move but thick chains held me in place. I was freezing and burning all at once as the two worlds that I had known to be peaceful collided violently. It hurt so badly; it felt like I was being ripped apart piece by piece. The scene shifted and I was in a dark room. I had fallen through the icy hot lake into a new terror._

_I had fallen into his lair again. I was once again trapped. How can I get out this time? I am thinking of ways to escape when he comes down the stairs. I can hear them creaking, every last one until he lands on the floor. He stalks forward slowly, like an animal hunting his prey. My palms get sweaty and my breath quickens as he grows closer and closer. I see a knife in his hand and some substance in the other. It's red and moving and it's... my heart. It's beating in his hand rapidly, just as it were in my body._

_"Do as I say." he said with a menacing snarl. I was too terrified to speak so I shook my head._

_"That's a good girl," he said. As he came closer and closer my heart in his hand started getting smaller and smaller. The beats no longer loud and pounding but soft, like the pitter-patter of a toddlers feet on carpet. He was next to the bed now and my heart was all but gone. Something dawned on me. That I was either going to get stabbed and die, or my heart was going to go away and I would still die. I would much rather go out by getting stabbed than losing my heart._

_"No!" I shouted, and the smirk flew off of his face. His eyes gleaming in the low lighting._

_ He drew back his knife and my heart grew as I struggled against my restraints, it's loud beating pounding rapidly against my eardrums. I thought for sure he was going to stab me, and he did… sort of. The knife flew straight into my heart, which was currently in his hand. I was screaming out in pain. It was so excruciating, my whole body felt like it was tearing apart. He laughed at my screams, enjoying the sight of me writhing in pain. He got closer to me. He just kept and coming. My sight was getting blurry as I felt myself dying from the inside out, my own blood suffocating me._

I woke up screaming right into my pillow. I sat up in bed drenched in sweat. I put my hand to my forehead to wipe some of it off and went to open the window. I felt the cool Washington air hit my skin and sighed. I had missed Washington so much. I used to hate the cold rainy weather, but I had grown to love it. I didn't realize how much I would miss Forks until I left. I looked out at the forest and wondered who was on patrol tonight. If they were getting the sleep they needed, if they were all still the same.

I couldn't think like that just yet. I needed to tell Jacob why I was gone for so long. I was going to tell him the truth, not the bullshit I tell everyone. I went to my nightstand and looked at my alarm clock. It was five thirty in the morning so it really didn't make sense for me to go back to sleep so I made my way downstairs.

I went straight to the door and picked up the newspaper on the driveway. Then I went into the living room with a pen and began looking for good jobs in the area. There were only a few that really caught my eye and nearly half of them were in Olympia or Seattle. I did find ten jobs in either Forks, Port Angeles, or La Push that interested me.

There was a waitress position at Bella Italiana that I was reluctant about. I didn't want to work at the place where I went on my first date with Edward. There was a job at the concessions stand at the movie theater, but once again that place didn't hold the best memories. I also found jobs for a cashier at a clothing store, a take out person for a fast-food place, a dog walker, a nanny, and a cashier at a video store in Port Angeles. I also found an add for one of those new newspaper offices that Charlie was talking about but they weren't hiring.

I found two jobs in Forks at a new bookstore and the grocery store. The last job I found was a secretary position for a mechanic shop. When I was finished with my search I set the newspaper on the coffee table and went into the kitchen to make some breakfast. While I was making my breakfast Charlie came downstairs which meant it was six thirty.

"Morning." he said obviously still tired.

"Morning dad." I responded as he made himself some cereal. We both sat down. I had made myself some Rice Krispies and a Pop-Tart while he had some Honey Nut Cheerios. We ate in slice for a minute before my dad broke it.

"So what are you going to do today again?"

"I'm going to see if I can get a job. I found a few things and thought I'd go see what I could get." After I said this Charlie visibly relaxed and I felt a pang of guilt. He was nervous that I was going to just pack up and leave again.

"That's right! Sorry I'm a little groggy in the mornings. I really hope you find something good," he said with a genuine smile. When breakfast was finished and Charlie left I went and got myself ready for an interview. I haven't been to a job interview since high school and I wore my favorite jeans and a faded T-shirt I got years ago. I had a feeling that I was going to have to dress a bit more sophisticated for these interviews but I didn't own anything fancy.

I began to worry but decided that Forks wasn't a fancy kind of place anyway, I doubt they would look down on me for it. It's not like these were high-end jobs. I took a quick shower, dried my hair and put it in soft curls. I decided to put it in a professional bun even though my outfit would be anything but professional.

I walked back to my room and opened up my closet to find that it to was exactly how I left it. I looked through my closet for about fifteen minutes and found two decent outfits. One was a red button down blouse paired with some nice black jeans, the other was a blue button down blouse with some white jeans. Both outfits went with some small black heels I had possessed before I left.

I decided to go with the red blouse and black jeans. Edward often said blue looked good on me and I did not want to be reminded of Edward today, white jeans got dirty easily anyway. When I was done I decided to put on a touch of make-up, all of which Alice had bought me once upon a time, and put on the golden necklace my mom gave me for my sixteenth birthday. When I looked in the mirror I was surprised.

I had only put on a little mascara and a nude lip-gloss along with some foundation and a bit of blush but it really accented my features. The red blouse I had chosen stopped just above my breasts but did not show any cleavage, making my necklace stand out more. My black jeans hugged the contours of my body tightly but still left me room to move and be comfortable. The heels were not very big, maybe an inch of the ground, but they were extremely cute. They were black and slightly open at the toe giving my feet some breathing room. The hair really tied the whole outfit together and I got into my truck feeling satisfied.

I drove to Port Angeles first, deciding to work my way back to Forks and finally La Push. I was a little apprehensive about looking for a job in La Push, especially because it sounded like somewhere Jake would work, but it was for that same reason that I decided to check it out. I couldn't just hide out after a few hurtful words had been said. Especially when I deserved the harsh words. Every thing Jacob said had been true, I couldn't sit back and wait to run into him again. I needed to take some initiative. I assured myself once more that this was what I wanted and _needed_ to do, and set off.

_~Redeem~_

"Well that was a bust." I muttered as I made my way back to Forks. So far I got interviewed three times and filled out one application. The people who wanted a dog walker, the people at the fast-food place, and the people at the movie theater all said the same thing: "Oh I'm sorry but the position has filled." They all said it with the same somber tone and a look of pity on their faces. I hated pity. I didn't want it. My life is great compared to some other people on the world. Go pity them; I have no use for it. If they really felt sorry for me they would have given me a job or at least an interview.

I got an interview for the rest of the jobs, except for one and that was only because the waitress at Bella Italian was extremely bitchy. She asked me if I wanted a table for one with this look on her face like I was a bug or something. When I told her I wanted a job she rolled her eyes and said, "Well you should have called first but I guess I can some time off of _my_ _job_ to talk to the manager because _you_ came unprepared." she said in a standoffish tone.

I felt my temper flare and almost cussed her out of house and home, but instead I looked her up and down and said, "What job? You stand here and greet people. Don't act like you're better than me because you have a job. The food her tastes like ass anyway! I know I don't have a job yet but at least I'm not a little cunt!" Her mouth was left hanging open as I stormed out.

I left Bella Italiana so angry that I think I may have scared the next interviewer at the clothing store. I walked in nearly demanding to talk to someone about the add I found in the paper. The short blonde woman who was at the front cash register was in shock until she registered the look on my face. She then stuttered out a greeting and led me right to the back to meet the manager. At the time I was happy that I didn't have to go through any more bullshit, but in the car driving to Forks I felt pretty bad about the way I had acted. The girl was only a teenager and she seemed pretty nice, and my behavior most likely cost me the job.

The tall brunette that was the manager seemed like the kind of woman that didn't take any fooling around. The way her face was structured she could make any expression look menacing. She greeted me sharply and I used the same tone when greeting her. I don't know if it was my tone or the way I walked into the room, but she looked scared to death. When I went to the bathroom I figured out why.

My hair had come undone slightly and now looked messy. My red blouse had shifted from the multiple car rides, my mascara was running just a bit, and I scratched myself in the car on accident leaving a red scrape on my arm. That paired with my attitude might lead you to think that I was either one bad bitch or someone with some real problems. She asked me three questions and told me she would get back to me. Even at the time I knew she wouldn't.

After I cleaned myself up a bit in the store bathroom I set off to the video store. That interview was pleasant enough. A guy named David gave me the interview. He was very nice, we chatted for a good twenty minutes after the interview. He had deep blue eyes and was fairly tan. Apparently he was from California. I was about to grab a resume when he told me that he would have to talk to his boss, but after he did I would be hired. I smiled appreciatively and thanked him for everything then walked out to my truck, leaving my home phone number so he could contact me.

The last place was the nanny service and that went fairly well. They told me that they would give me a call either at home or on my cell phone, which I still needed to get, and tell me who needed my services and how long they would need them. Sometimes it would be a week and other a month or a year. She said it paid ten dollars per hour and the minimum amount of time was one week. That was the only application I had filled out and the only one I really wanted to fill out so far.

I sighed as I pulled into the Forks' Super Foods parking lot. Forks' Super Foods, other wise known as Supers, is about three miles away from Betsy's Market but it's also more expensive and the food quality isn't anywhere near as good. Still, those people that don't like to mingle with the residents of La Push use Supers to "ensure their safety". Betsy's was right on the border of La Push and Forks, and because their produce was so great it attracted many people including the people from La Push. Many people in Forks didn't mind our Quileute neighbors, but there were still a few people that were untrusting for some reason. Because of this I didn't really want to work at Supers, but unfortunately Betsy's wasn't hiring.

The thing I hated most about Supers was the smell. It was awful, like old moldy rice. It always hit me right when I walked through the doors. The weird thing was, the smell was only at the doorway. Once you get inside shopping is fine. It's just coming and going that had me on edge. Luckily the check out registers were a good distance from the doors. I went up to one cashier who wasn't busy and asked her if they were still hiring. She told me they were and sent me through some back door and into someone's office. I thought it rude to intrude unannounced, but the cashier told me that it would be fine. She said all I had to do was wait so I sat down on a chair next to a beautiful dark wood desk and waited.

I waited for ten minutes before I started to get antsy. Five more minutes later I was really getting impatient. Once twenty minutes had passed I was ready to leave. That was when the door swung open and a middle-aged man walked in and took a seat at his desk. He walked right by me without even sparing me a glance. He just sat down and did some typing on his computer. At first I thought he didn't know I was there, but after typing some message and a few clicks of his mouse he turned his head to me.

"Ahh yes. Let me guess, you're here for the job right?" He was a round in the belly and had a very big head. It may sound mean but his butt was the size of a mini planet and I had no idea his legs could support so much fluff. He seemed nice enough though.

"Yes I am." I replied.

"Okay. Well that's fine and dandy and all that but before we actually get into the interview I would like to ask you two simple questions that could save us both time. Do you shop at Betsy's Market?" he asked in a very serious tone. His brown eyes staring intently at me behind his glasses.

"Yes," I responded. He nodded taking in my response.

"Would you be willing to not shop there in order to work here?" he asked while giving ms the same look.

"What do you mean exactly?"

"I mean that if anyone that shops here or works here see's you at Betsy's Market and reports it back to me you will be fired with no questions asked. Is that okay with you?"

"No." I answers curtly. Who would agree to that? This is a free country, I can shop where I please.

"Well, I'm sorry to hear that, you may go." He said this and then turned back to his computer. I stayed in the seat, static at him for a moment to see if he was serious but he never looked at me. So I got up out of the seat and walked out the door.

"Wow, this is just not your day." I said to myself as I got back into my truck and made my way to the bookstore. I got lost several times because Map quest made me go through the forest and down some weird path but I found it eventually. When I looked at it, I immediately felt like I was home.

It was a small place made of dark wood with the words "The Book Garden" written in a beautiful brownish gold color. The name definitely fit the place. There was a fair sized garden starting in the front of the store and going around it. The flowers were beautiful shades of pink, purple, yellow, blue, and pretty much any other color you could think of. There was a small rock path leading up to the doorway. The store looked so much like a home that I almost knocked on the front door.

Instead I walked right in and was very surprised by what I saw. It was much bigger on the inside than on the outside. There were rows of bookcases that had books separated into different sections. Every row had a small table in front of it, showcasing the newest arrivals, or well-known books. The thing that was so different about this store was the nature. Normally you would be lucky to find a nice houseplant. In this bookstore there were plants everywhere.

There were small plants on the little tables in front of every bookcase and there were plants that had grown long lines of leaves on top of the bookcases. The bigger plants were around the room placed on the floor and were literally like miniature trees. I was looking around in awe. But when my eyes found a waterfall near the back of the room I flipped out. I nearly ran over to it. It was a medium-size waterfall made of medium-sized rocks and had little plants all around it. It was placed next to a huge window that over looked the forest and had a few benches next to it along with another small table and a few chairs. I now understood why it was called the Book Garden. I was spending so much time looking around that I didn't notice there was a woman beside me. She was slightly tan and had hazel eyes. She had on a orange flowing skirt along with a pink blouse and had some nice flats on. She looked older than me, probably in her late forties or mid-fifties, and was currently wearing a small smile on her face.

"It's nice right?" the woman said knowingly.

"Nice doesn't even begin to cover it. It's a utopia!" Her smile widened at my excitement.

"Yes it is. I like to come here to relax. What about you?" she asked.

"Oh I just found this place, but I am definitely coming back. Even if I don't get the job." I said, and it was true. I could just imagine myself spending hours in a place like this, I was coming back no matter what. She nodded slowly and there was a beat of silence between us.

"You've got it," she said.

"Got what?"

"The job. You start tomorrow at nine. But make sure you're here at eight thirty so I can tell you all of the rules and answer some of your questions." I was shocked. _I thought she was just a dedicated reader._

"But I th-" I started, but she shushed me.

"Tomorrow," was all she said before she walked away and left me standing there completely flustered.

I was going to start on my way to La Push when I realized that I had already gotten two job offers today. I already had enough to choose from. But which one did I want? _Now that is the million-dollar question._ I thought to myself as I turned my truck around and headed home.

**Review please! **


	3. The Party

**Hey guys! I just wanted to give you a little head's up that there is quite a bit of dialogue in this chapter. I have done my best to separate the dialogue from the other stuff but if I miss something I am terribly sorry. All right, enjoy!**

**The Party**

Bella's POV

While making some hot dogs and salad for dinner I thought about which job I should choose. On one hand, the job at the PA Videos was a nice normal job in a normal setting with a David, who was really great company.

Oh the other hand the bookstore was so amazing. It was like the store was apart of the lush forest that surrounded it. I felt like I was supposed to be there the second I walked in. it made me feel so much closer to Jacob and was much closer to La Push than PA Videos.

Not to say that Jacob was going to forgive me, but it's good to be optimistic I suppose. There was also the small fact that I did not have the job at PA Videos yet. Why pass up the opportunity for a good job that I'll probably really like and already have, for a job that's farther from home with no guarantee. I was still going over everything in my head when the phone rang.

"Hello," I said.

"Hi, may I speak to Bella Swan please? This is David from PA Videos."

"Oh, yeah hi David it's me." I said.

"Oh. Well I'm sorry but my boss already filled the position. I think it's his daughter or something," he said and then lowered his voice, "but if it's any consolation, I would much rather work with you than her." I smiled even though I knew he couldn't see it.

"That's a shame. I was looking forward to working with you." I said truthfully.

"Yeah me too. Are you gonna be okay? I mean if you want I can push for another hiring. Make up some weird reason. Maybe I could say we need a greeter." he said.

"There is no way I would stand at the front door and greet people. I'm not much of a people person." I laughed.

"Alright, alright. But are you really going to be okay"

"Yeah, I'll be fine. I found a job at this bookstore called the Book Garden out here in Forks. You should come see it sometime, it's amazing." I gushed.

"Really? What makes it so special?" he asked.

"I can't even begin to explain it. You just have to see it. The place just gives of these really good vibes."

"Alright, maybe I'll come by sometime. Look, I hate to end this conversation but a customer just walked in. Talk to you later."

"Okay, bye." I said.

"Bye."

I hung up the phone and went back to working on dinner. _Looks like it's the Book Garden._ I thought to myself. I was happy about my new job, but the thought of not seeing David again did make me feel a bit of remorse. I felt like I just lost a new friend. I sighed and finished the salad. Charlie walked in just as the hot dogs were done cooking.

"Great timing, dinner's ready." I said.

"Good, because I'm starving," he said as I set our plate's on the table.

"You know, I think I'm gonna have to teach you how to cook." As soon as I said this his face paled.

"What? I think you could be good at it. You just need some instruction." I said upon seeing his fearful expression.

"Okay, but if I burn down this house it's all your fault," he said and then sat down at the table. I set down various condiments and we dug in.

"So how did job hunting go today?" he asked. We were making progress with the small talk.

"At first it didn't go so well. Three of the jobs already had the position filled. This waitress was rude at Bella Italiana so I left without an interview. I was angry with the waitress at Bella Italiana and on top of that I had a slight wardrobe mouth-function, effectively scaring the next interviewer. I almost got a job at Port Angeles Videos but apparently the position was filled and Da- the interviewer wasn't notified. The nanny service was willing to give me a job and let me fill out an application, but that would require too much time in a strange home. I tried Supers but to work there I needed to stop shopping at Betsy's, which was not going to happen. I was ready to quit for the day but I tried this little bookstore called The Book Garden and this woman gave me a job on the spot. I start tomorrow."

"Bella that's great! You got a job that's close and it's something you'll like. How much does it pay?" he asked.

"Uhh I actually don't know." I said sheepishly.

"Okay, well what will you be doing?"

"I don't know." He looked at me quizzically.

"I didn't exactly get an interview. I was just admiring the place when a woman walked up. I didn't know she was the owner. All I said was that the place was amazing and she gave me a job. It is amazing though dad. I can't even describe how incredible it is." I said.

"Well that's really great. It's a weird way to get a job but she must have chosen you for a reason."

"Yeah I guess. So what happened today at work?" I asked.

"Not much. Just a lot of paper work. Some one reported another bear sighting but there hasn't been a killing in a while. I don't know what happened, but I'm not gonna chase 'em if they aren't hurting people." he said before taking a cautious bite of salad.

"Oh, well at least people aren't getting hurt like you said." I swallowed the lump in my throat that always came from lying to people. I had gotten better at lying, much better. I could have probably passed a lie detector test with ease now, but I still didn't like to do it.

Dinner went well, with Charlie and I making comments about our day here and there. When we both finished I washed the dishes and then joined him in the living room. He was currently watching some action movie I had no interest in watching but did anyway. It was one of the many movies that featured Arnold Schwarzenegger. Not really sure which one it was, but I think it was Conan the Barbarian. I watched the movie all the way to the end. It was actually pretty enjoyable. When the movie was finished I made my way up to my room and put on my pajamas. Then, promising to take a shower in the morning, I sank into my bed and was asleep before my head hit the pillows.

_~Redeem~_

The next morning I woke up at six forty five. I was confused for a moment. I never woke up that early, but then I remembered that I now had a job and quickly got up. The sun was peaking out behind the clouds today, so after I showered I put on a pair of nice jeans with a dark wash and a light blue blouse. I decided to pull my hair up into a ponytail, and went down stairs for breakfast. Just as I came down the stairs I saw Charlie's cruiser pulling out of the driveway. I felt a hint of sadness seeing him leave. It was nice to have a morning chat with him before we both had to start our day. Sighing I fixed myself a bowl of cereal. Once I had put my dishes up I hopped into my truck and started on my way to The Book Garden.

I made it there five minutes early, expecting to have enough time to look around a bit before I started my job, but to my disappointment they weren't open. So for five minutes I sat on the little bench beside the door and admired the outdoor garden. At eight thirty on the dot, the woman showed up and unlocked the doors.

"Sorry, I forgot to mention that I open at eight thirty. I hope you haven't been waiting long," she said once we got in.

"Oh no, just about five minutes or so."

"Oh good. Well my name is Laura Parker and I own and manage the store."

"Hi, my name is Isabella Swan, but I like to be called Bella."

"Hello Bella, now I know you are wondering why I just gave you a job yesterday without an interview or getting any information about you and I do have an answer, though it's not the wisest one. I went with my gut. I could tell that you really appreciated the value of books and knowledge by the way you talked about the place. You understood that reading should be a getaway, a mysterious land that you got to enter and explore."

"Wow, umm thanks. I do love to read. It's just nice to get away from reality. I swear sometimes it seems like life is the fairy tale and the book I'm reading is reality." _What the hell am I talking about. My life is a freaking fairytale!_

"I know exactly what you mean." Laura said with a small smile

.

"Now that we've gotten the formalities out of the way, why don't I give you a tour of the place and then I'll explain more about you're actual job," she said before turning on her heel and walking away.

"Okay," I said, following her. She led me past the rows of different books, explaining to me what each category was and the major authors that people might look for. She showed me the many different sitting areas that were available for people to come in and read and the magazine area. There was also a little spot to make coffee and sell scones and other baked goods. Like a mini Starbucks. It was called the Garden Cafe. We went into the back and she showed me how to find a certain book in one of the many boxes that were back there. She also showed me the lounge, which was made of a few couches, a microwave, a mini oven, a phone, and a TV. She said that she usually went out to eat or just ate by the waterfall. When we were done with that she led me back to the cash register.

"Okay, now up here we have our impulse buy options. There are a few handmade bookmarks and a few of those corny laminated ones that you see in Barnes and Noble. Then we have various sweets, all organic of course, and a few little diaries and writing utensils. Do you know how to work a register?" she asked.

"Yeah, I used to work at Urban Outfitters a few years ago." I said.

"Oh, well now I'm happy I didn't give you an interview. We can learn new things about each other every day. Now the first few customers usually don't come in until nine thirty. Only the real early risers are over here at eight thirty for a nice cup of coffee and a good scone so I usually just hang around until someone walks in. We close at ten on weekdays, nine on weekends. I'm afraid you'll have to work full time for a few weeks until I can hire some other employees but I promise I will get some more people before the end of the month so you don't have to spend all of your time here. Until then I will post a sign saying we close at nine during the week as well for a short period of time since I don't know if you have some one or something to take care of, so tonight will be the only night you need to stay until ten. Believe it or not you are actually my first hired person. My kids come by and help out some times, but they have been real busy lately so I decided to hire someone. I'll probably hire a few more people, but only if I get a good vibe from them. The pay is $12.50 an hour for now but the longer you stay, the higher your pay."

"$12.50 an hour sounds great, and I have to admit, I feel pretty special now." I said. I was really starting to like Laura. My comment hung in the air for a few minutes until Laura broke the silence.

"Alright, this is getting awkward fast. I'm gonna go get a book off the shelf. Care to join me?"

"Sure." I said rather enthused and followed her. We both headed for the romance section and laughed.

"I suppose I should have expected you to like a good romance. Something about you just screamed romance enthusiast to me." she said as we began looking up and down the shelves. I settled with an Elizabeth Candler book.

"Ahh you like Chandler as well. You have good taste." she observed.

"Yeah, she's a great author. I like the hint of mystery she puts into all of her books. She always has me on the edge of my seat."

"Me too, I know her books are meant for teens supposedly but I just love her books. Once I read Kissed by an Angel I was a goner," was all she said before she picked out a book and sat down by the fountain. I watched her for a moment with a smile on my face before I went to follow her. About an hour later there our first customer came in and then a few minutes later the next one came in. After the first few people came in there was a nice steady flow of customers. Some of them I helped and others Laura helped but they could usually find what they were looking for on their own so the only thing we had to do was work the registers.

Around one we switched off working the register to have a quick lunch. I had forgotten all about packing a lunch, but luckily Laura was more than willing to share. Over all the day went pretty well. Over sixty percent of the people that came in bought something. I had completely lost track of time and before I knew it, we were shutting things down. Laura and I walked out and said our goodbyes before I headed home. I walked in with a smile on my face and a warm feeling in my heart. When I got in I found Charlie passed out on the couch with a pizza box in his lap and the television on blaring about some big loss for some baseball team on ESPN. I walked over, put the pizza box on the counter, and woke Charlie.

"Huh, oh hey Bella. How was work?" he asked me, his voice heavy with sleep.

"It was great dad, and I'll tell you all about it tomorrow, but right now I think you should get some sleep." I said. He looked at around realizing he was, in fact, in the living room and not in his bed before getting up and turning off the TV. I followed him up the stairs and into my room.

"Night Bells." he said.

"Night." I went into my room and just took off my pants and bra, not bothering with my other clothes, before falling into my bed.

_~Redeem~_

The next few weeks working at The Book Garden were great. Granted it was very time consuming, but it was fun. I found that I liked Laura and talking to her was just like talking to Angela. She listened and stated her opinion, but never passed judgment. She became a very close friend to me in a matter of weeks. We were working one day, I was helping a customer find a book on finance and Laura was giving another person their change when I heard a familiar voice.

"Hey Bella," David said. I turned around and sure enough he was there.

"Hey David! What are you doing here?" I asked. I realized the way I said it might make it sound a bit rude, but it was already out my mouth.

"What, you don't want me here?" he asked. I wasn't quite sure if he was actually hurt or just playing around.

"Oh no, it's not that. I was just curious. Don't you have to work?" I asked but once again I didn't realize how stupid the remark was until it was out in the air. Why would he be here if he had to work?

"Nope, I got the day off today and figured I would come check out this place you've been raving about." he said while looking around. He was taking my stupid remarks quite well.

"Oh, well what do you think?" I asked expectantly. I really wanted him to like it, I wanted everyone to like it. When my dad came by one day I was literally bouncing in excitement. I just felt really proud of this place, even though it wasn't mine. So far everyone had liked it. If anyone said they didn't like it I don't know what I would do, I might just try to rip their head off.

"I think you're right, it really can't be put into words. It's pretty amazing in here."

"That's exactly what I thought." I said excitedly earning me a pointed look from Laura. I sent her a confused look before David started talking again. David stayed until closing that day and offered to drive me home, but I politely pointed out that I had driven myself there. The next day when I came in Laura wanted answers.

"How come you didn't tell me you had a boyfriend?" She demanded. Saying I was shocked would be an understatement. I was paralyzed for at least five minutes. When I finally thawed out my mouth fell open.

"Who, David? No he's just a friend. I met him while I was looking for jobs in Port Angeles and we got to talking, that's all. We aren't dating or anything." I said. She didn't look convinced.

"What? We aren't dating." I said again. She put her hands up in defense.

"Alright so you aren't dating, but you know you want to." she said with one of her all knowing smiles on her face.

"No I don't." I said through gritted teeth. I felt like I was in elementary school again and we were about to get into one of those never ending "do not, do too" arguments.

"I don't know why you won't admit it, there's nothing wrong with liking him. He seems nice enough." she said while going through an inventory list.

"He is nice, but I don't like him like that." I was embarrassed just talking about the subject. Laura wasn't too far off base though. I did like some one, it just wasn't David. Laura put down the inventory sheet and studied me for a moment but I refused to look at her directly. She studied me for a moment before walking away towards the romance section, and after a moment I followed. We book got our books of choice and sat down by the small waterfall in our same seats. We read for a few minutes before Laura said, "So you gonna tell me who you got your eyes on if it's not David." I let out a breath, exasperated, and shut my book before looking at her.

"What, I know I'm right, I always am about this kind of thing. You've got your eyes set on some boy, or girl, it doesn't really matter to me but I know you like someone." she said all the while not looking up from her book. I was grateful for this because my face was embarrassingly red and at the moment my thoughts were incoherent. I took a moment to gather myself and cleared my throat before speaking.

"You're right. I like this guy." I admitted reluctantly. She smiled and put her book down.

"That's what I thought. So you like "this guy" as you put it. Why isn't he coming by instead of David?"

"Well he doesn't like me, at least I think he doesn't like me." I said and she cocked an eyebrow, silently urging me to continue.

"He has been my best friend since we were little and a few years ago it was a known fact that he was in love with me. I was involved with someone though, and I was so blinded by this other man's presence that I didn't see how much I loved him until it was to late, but even so he stood by me for years while I was with this man. My friend kept telling me that the other man was no good for me, that the whole relationship would never work unless I changed who I was and he and I both didn't want that. Of course, me being the dumb and naive girl that I was I told him to stay out of my personal life. Then, all of a sudden I was engaged to this other man and I thought I was happy, but when I was walking down the aisle my feet just started carrying me the other way. I ran away and I've been away for four years with absolutely no contact to home. I knew what I did was wrong. I saw him the other day and of course he was furious with me. I have an excuse but I don't want to tell him. I wouldn't be able to take rejection from him again." Laura gave me a sympathetic look.

"Look hon, I know it feels like the end of the world right now, but I can confidently tell you that it's not. I had to raise two daughters and two sons, so I am well equipped to deal with these types of things. So I want you to believe me when I tell you that love just doesn't disappear, especially the kind of love you're talkin' about. If he stood by you even when he knew that you were making the wrong decision, he will stand by you now if you just apologize at tell him why you were gone. Trust me when I tell you that's probably all he wants from you. Forgiveness seems so black and white when you first look at it, you either forgive someone, or you don't. But when you add love into the mix it adds a gray area. You never know what can happen." She sounded like she knew what she was talking about, but delivered her wisdom gently. The way you would expect a grandmother to sound.

"I suppose you're right, but how can I approach him again. What happened while I was away is not something I'd like to talk about, I didn't tell my own father. It's so hard to go back and confront a memory that you yourself are so ashamed of." I was starting to get a little depressed with this whole conversation, and the self-loathing, of course, came with the depression.

"You love this boy, don't you?" Laura asked me in a tone that told me to give her a direct answer.

"Yes, very much."

"Well then you don't have a choice. He needs closure, and I'm beginning to think you do too. You both are going to be hurt from the years of separation, so heal each other. You work on letting him know that you are not leaving him again and had no intentions of ever hurting him, and he can help you get past whatever happened while you are away. I know it may seem scary, but you need to take the first step and tell him everything. Let him know that there will be no secrets between the two of you." she said in a tone that could only be described as motherly. I smiled to myself, looking out the window.

"I think you're reading to many romance novels." I said after I turned back to her. She seemed insulted at first, but she registered my smile and laughed, as did I.

_~Redeem~_

During the next two weeks Laura had managed to hire three more people. The first person she hired was a girl named Hope who had just moved up from Oregon. She was very tan for someone who lived in a state where it rained so much, but then again everyone looked tan compared to me. She had deep green eyes and one of those million dollar smiles, but it had nothing on Jacob's in my opinion.

The next two people she hired were identical twins named Tristan and Tyler. They were both twenty-one and very energetic. They were the mischievous, get into way too much trouble but always have fun, type of guys. They did know that there was a time to be serious, most of the time the just chose to ignore it. They loved to play this game with the customers where they had to pick who was who. They always got the answer wrong and the twins would always laugh in their faces and tell them to come again and they could try next time. The girls loved it for some reason, and since it was good for business Laura didn't care.

The coolest thing was that Laura had consulted me before hiring each of them, and made it clear to me that because I held seniority I had a bit more responsibility. She said she thought of me more as a partner than another worker and thought I should be apart of decisions such as who we should hire.

I was touched. She told me that she chose Hope because she got a very laid back feel from her. She was right again, of course. Hope reminded me of a hippie. She was always laid back and very mellow. She was very environmentally aware and tried to make us all vegetarians. She never worried about anything and was your go-to-girl if you wanted to just kick back and relax. Of course she could be fun and spontaneous if you gave her enough caffeine but that rarely happened.

Laura hired the twins because she thought, and I quote, "They are two fun loving spirits." I had to agree with that as well. They were always joking around and laughing with either each other or the customers. They kept the witty comments coming throughout the entire day. They reminded me of the pack, just downsized into two people. Since we had more of a staff the hours went back to the way they were. The twins and I got Monday and Tuesday. The twins, Hope, and I got Wednesday and Sunday. Hope and I got Thursday. Hope and the twins got Friday. The twins got half of Saturday off while Hope took the other half. Laura was there with us all the time of course. I told her she should take a day off but she said she wanted nothing more than to be in the store with us.

Life was beginning to feel normal again David would stop by Wednesdays and Sundays, and we would all start talking about random things before going home. The store was filled with laughter and more and more people were coming in. I was beginning to feel happy again, but in the back of my mind there was something, or should I say someone, that was keeping me from enjoying it all. I needed to confront Jacob. I just didn't know how anymore. Should I walk into his home and tell him everything or should I call and set up a date. Would he even want to talk to me since so much time has passed since we last saw each other? It's been over a month, did I wait too long? All of these questions I couldn't answer. That ended on Thursday when Charlie came home.

We were starting his first cooking lesson and I had chosen spaghetti. It was a quick and easy dish to make, or so I thought. To say Charlie was terrified would be an understatement. He was so scared he was shaking and managed to spill water from the pot onto the floor multiple times on his way over to the stove from the sink.

"Dad it's not that hard to make. All you have to do is fill the pot up about half way with water, carry it over to the stove and put the heat on high. The worst thing that could happen is you turn on the wrong burner and that is a mistake that can be easily fixed. Relax." He took a deep breath and followed my instructions, while still shaking profoundly I might add, but once he completed the task without burning down the house he grew a bit more confident. I showed him how to cook the ground beef and mix it in with the tomato sauce. As well as how to cook garlic bread so it wouldn't burn and make sure the noodles were cooked all the way through but didn't end up mushy. In the end we successfully made our dinner of spaghetti and garlic bread, and although it took us two hours, our kitchen was still in tact so I was proud. It was over dinner that Charlie dropped the bomb.

"So the Clearwaters are having a party tomorrow, I was wondering if you wanted to go. I'm sure everyone wants to see you, I know Billy and Sue do." I felt the breath rush out of my body for a moment. This would be the perfect time to tell Jacob everything, and while that was scary that wasn't what I was worried about. I was worried about seeing the pack so I hesitated.

"Sure, I guess it would be good to see everyone again." Charlie smiled and nodded in approval before moving on to the next subject. Charlie and I had been talking a lot more than we had when I first moved here and most nights we were both tuned in. But in that moment my thoughts were drifting to the upcoming party.

So the next day I ended up in my nicest pair of jeans and the red blouse I had worn for my job interviews in front of the Clearwaters door. Charlie was standing next to me all smiles while I was a bundle of nerves, biting away at my lip. I was playing with the curly strands of my hair when Leah opened the door. She glowered at me for a moment but swiftly changed her expression, welcoming Charlie. Once he was inside her previous expression returned.

"Well, look what the wind blew in, must me bitch season." she sneered.

"That explains how you got here." I said. At first I thought she was going to close the door in my face when Sue appeared behind her.

"Bella! Oh my goodness it's so good to see you! Come in so I can have a look at you!" she exclaimed and Leah begrudgingly let me in. I stood in front of Sue as she took in my new appearance. I knew I looked different, older I suppose. Sue hadn't really changed much and was as beautiful as ever in her light green blouse and blue jeans.

"Bella honey I have missed you so much! Don't you ever leave like that again." she said excitedly, but I detected a hint of something else as she tacked on the last part. Sue led me out doors where everyone was. I tried to get out of it by saying that I wanted to help her in the kitchen but she wouldn't have it and pushed me outside. The first person I saw was Embry. The look on his face was not one I had expected, he was smiling.

"Bella, you're back!" he said as he pulled me up into a tight hug. I was so flustered that it took me a moment before I could actually put my arms around him as well.

"Yeah, I've been back for a while. I was going to come visit sooner but I had to get my life in better shape. It's great to see you!" I said once I was released from his grip.

"We've missed you, hey Quil," he said yelling across the yard, " Get over here!" At first Quil appeared to be annoyed. I wasn't sure if it was because he had been taken away from a good conversation or because I was here, but I'd bet my money on the later. When Quil stopped in front of me he stared at me for a moment. I wasn't sure if it was a bad thing or a good thing because the look on his face was pretty neutral. Then he began circling me.

"Hmm, she looks human and she smells human. I wonder…" he trailed off. He quickly scooped me up and twirled me around. When he set me back down I was so dizzy I stumbled and fell. "Yep, still human. Congrats Bella you passed! Now get over here!" he said as he pulled me into another massive hug. I was so relieved. I knew that a lot of the pack would still hold animosity towards me, but at least Quil and Embry didn't.

"Hey Quil, how are you?"

"I'm good." he said half halfheartedly.

"Don't pay attention to him, he's been in a bad mood lately because he has a serious case of the blue balls. Claire is only seven so Quil hasn't gotten any yet, the only one in the pack I might add. He is seriously considering dating a few girls until Claire is of the proper age." Quil didn't seem too happy about the information Embry was disclosing and tried to smack him but of course Embry dodged it.

"Seriously man?" Quil said hotly.

"Quil it's okay. It's not normal for you to feel sexually frustrated." Embry said in very professional yet sarcastic voice, earning him another smack, but this time Quil got him on the back of the head.

"For the record I think that you should be free to date until Claire can be with you." I said, trying to help the situation. Quil looked at me, his cheeks red and thanked me for being on his side. All this talking was great but I really needed to find Jacob. I think Embry picked up on this because he was the one that brought up Jacob.

"I'm sorry Jake couldn't make it tonight Bella. He got caught up at the shop." he said making an awkward moment. Quil started fidgeting and looking around, obviously uncomfortable.

"Oh okay. So do you guys own the shop or..." I trailed off, but they got the picture.

"Oh yeah Jacob, Quil and I own it. We just started it up last year and business has been really good. It's the perfect job because we understand if one of us has to take a patrol. Although Jacob can change that since he's Alpha now and all. There really hasn't been much of a threat in the past few years though." Once again this conversation was made awkward.

"Yeah well that's really cool, what's the name?"

"The Pack Mechanics. We thought it would be the perfect name seeing as the pack worked there and pack members founded it. This one," Embry said, jerking his head toward Quil, "wanted to name it, The Wolf Howler Club."

"Hey what's wrong with that?" Quil asked.

"It's fucking stupid that's what. Seriously, it has absolutely nothing to do with mechanics." Embry snorted.

"It's better than the La Push Boys. What is it, a fucking strip club? I swear people would have come in expecting us to all be in G-strings and dancing on a fucking pole." Quil said back. They went on for a few minutes before Sue cut in.

"Alright everyone dinner is served, grab a plate and help yourself." That stopped the arguing and started the fighting. The pack members literally attacked the buffet, fighting over places in line. Most of them got two and three plates, carrying them in creative ways before chowing down. I got the left overs along with everyone else, which wasn't much, but it was enough to satisfy my hunger. Once everyone had eaten the mingling started up again and someone put on some music. I was sitting alone on one of Sue's foldable chairs when Billy rolled up to me.

"Bella." he said in a serious tone, and I could tell that there was no laughter that would come after it.

"Hi, Billy," I said meekly.

"I want you to know that I am very disappointed in you Bella." I cast my eyes downward and my shoulders slumped. I felt just like a child again.

"I know Billy, and I'm sorry."

"I am just so appalled that you would not visit me for a whole month. Do you know how much I've missed you? Not to mention your cooking. I mean come on, Charlie and I have been over the Clearwater's every night taking handouts from Sue!" Billy said. I looked up and realized he was smiling. I let out the breath I had been holding in and laughed.

"I'm sorry Billy. I was getting some things together, but you will be happy to know that I am teaching Charlie how to cook. Soon his cooking will taste just like mine." Billy laughed.

"You're teaching him to cook? Oh god, please don't tell me you're homeless."

"Not yet. He actually did pretty well with the spaghetti and garlic bread, but he was terrified at first." I laughed as Charlie walked up behind Billy.

"What are you two laughing about?" he asked.

"You and you're cooking phobia." Billy said and Charlie blushed.

"It's not a phobia, I'm just nervous. We just paid off that home I don't want to have to buy a new one." Charlie said. Billy started laughing and Charlie joined in. While they were laughing Seth walked up.

"Bella!" He pulled me up and tugged me along with him. He stopped when we were in the house and turned towards me with a huge grin on his face before he gave me a hug. I was surprised by how big he had gotten, but I guess that's what happens when you leave for four years. He was no longer a little kid but a grown man.

"Sorry, it's kind of loud out there. How have you been Bella?" Seth asked. I was really starting to hate that question just because it required me to lie every time I answered it.

"I've been okay, how about you? I heard you graduated last year!" I said, attempting to be cheery.

"Oh yeah I did. I've been well. I started working at the mechanic shop that Embry, Quil and Jake started. Everyone works there now, even Leah." Seth said. But you know what they say. Speak of the devil and he shall appear.

"You talkin' about me baby brother." Leah sneered while looking at me. Seth noticed her murderous expression and tried to help.

"Leave her alone Leah."

"Why should I spare her feelings when she doesn't care about anyone else's. She is a selfish leech lover and she doesn't deserve anyone's forgiveness, especially Jake's." she said and then turned to speak directly to me.

"He's moved on. He doesn't need you anymore and he doesn't care." Her words cut me like a knife and of course she noticed. "What did you think would happen? You would come back after being gone for four years without a word and he would just be there waiting for you? Are you really that dense?" The question was left open ended, I didn't have an answer. Charlie entered the room and noticed the tension.

"Everything okay?" he asked warily.

"Bella said she isn't feeling well. She was asking if it would be okay to leave. She didn't want to be rude." Leah answered while still looking at me.

"Oh I'm sorry Bells, you should have told me earlier, you didn't have to come. Go ahead and go home, I'll see if I can get a ride from someone else." Charlie said. I stared at Leah for a few more seconds before I directed my gaze to Charlie. I wanted to tell Leah to fuck off and leave me alone, but my father looked so concerned.

"Okay, thanks dad, I'll see you at home. Bye Seth, it was nice seeing you again." I said before I walked out the door and into my car seething. I pulled out of the driveway and just started driving. Rain started to pound on the windshield and as I drove I calmed down and started to think. Although I hate to admit it, Leah was right. I shouldn't have just assumed that Jake was single. He might not want a romantic relationship anymore. And if he did have a girlfriend what was I going to do? Had he imprinted? How had I not thought of this? I was starting to panic when I heard a loud bang and slammed my fit on the breaks. After a few deep breaths to recover from my initial shock I got out to see what was wrong. As I got out of the car I realized that the front tire had blown. I gave a frustrated sigh and got back in the car. I flipped on my headlights and read the street name. I was apparently in some part of Port Angeles, although I had never seen it before. I could call Charlie, but he'd have to find a ride and then come get me, which would take a while.

I slumped down into the seat and looked around the car aimlessly when I remembered the mechanic in La Push. I had cut out all of the ads I found in the newspaper, all of which contained an address and number, and stored them in my glove compartment. I quickly opened the glove compartment and got the add for the mechanic service. Sure enough it said: _Car Work, Tows, Jump Starts, and Much_ _More_! I quickly pulled out my cell phone and began to dial. I had just gotten the phone a few days ago and already it was proving useful. It rang a few times and then someone picked up.

"I'm sorry but we're closed." I stiffened at the voice. Of course he would be there. Embry had said Jacob was staying late at the shop. I looked down at the ad in my hands and it said in big bold letters: **The Pack Mechanics**. How had I missed that? I noticed that the line had gone dead so I tried again.

"Look, the hours are 8:00 a.m to 9:00p.m." Jacob said annoyed.

"It's 8:57." I said. The line went quiet for such a long time that I thought he had hung up again.

"I'm sorry may I ask who is calling?" he asked cautiously.

"Isabella Swan."

"What do you want Bella?" he asked irritated again.

"Look I know you're still mad but my tire just blew out in Port Angeles and everyone is still at Sue's. I really don't have many options here and you are still open." The line was quiet for another long moment and I bit my lip, hoping he'd help me.

"Fine, what street are you on?" he sighed into the phone.

"I'm on Walnut Ave."

"Alright, I'll be there in ten minutes." Jacob hung up quickly and left the dial tone blaring in my ear. I put my phone away and sat there waiting for Jacob to come get me. After six minutes of waiting I started to get cold. My clothes were still pretty wet, causing me to shiver. I turned on the radio to distract myself and Beyonce's 1+1 came on. I hummed along with Beyonce for a few beats and then just closed my eyes. Listening to her beautiful voice come through the speakers in a sweet ballad relaxed me and I smiled. I don't know if he was standing there and watching me the whole time, or he just arrived but when he knocked on my window holding a black umbrella, his face was a little softer than when we last met in the parking lot. I quickly shut off the radio and opened the door, taking the keys with me as I got out of the car. He moved out of the way and let me step out.

No words were exchanged while he got my truck on the tow and I sat in the front car of the tow truck waiting for Jacob. When he finally returned he got in and started driving without sparing me a single glance. The whole ride he was silent. I just stared out the window into the dark. When we arrived, I observed the shop. It was a decent size, especially for a mechanic shop. There were two buildings that were connected to each other. One, I would be guessing was the offices and lounge. The other one, which was slightly bigger, I assumed was the garage. We pulled up to what I thought was the garage and he backed in. The room was dimly lit by one light. I guess it was appropriate because he was the only one here. In the dim light I noticed that he was, in fact, covered in grease in a pair of cut-offs and a nice gray shirt.

He got my truck off of the tow and started to work on it as I looked around. There were three different cars. One blue Mustang, one black Nissan, and one green Toyota. Two of them looked finished but the Nissan's hood was still up. Next to the cars I noticed that there was desk. On the desk there was a mess of papers and a clipboard. On the clip board there was a sheet of paper that listed the prices, and apparently I owed Jacob eighty dollars for towing my car from Port Angeles and fixing the tire. I looked over to Jacob who was just about finished and fished my wallet out of my purse. When Jacob stood up I was holding out his money. He looked confused for a moment, but he took it and pocketed it.

"Thanks for fixing my tire." I was standing awkwardly between him and my truck.

"It's fine." He was about to turn his back to me when I stopped him.

"Look Jacob I know you want an explanation."

"No, I need an explanation." He corrected me harshly. I looked down at my feet. Could I tell him about my horrible past. Share the disgusting things that had happened to me in the time I was gone. I looked back up into his face and found my answer. Yes, I could.

"Okay. I-I'll tell you. Just, please don't tell anyone else, not yet." I pleaded. I must have sounded pretty desperate because he nodded.

**Okay so the next chapter will be posted tomorrow. Bella is finally going to tell Jake why she has been gone. I know some of you really wanted it today but I thought some time should pass before she would be ready to tell him. Thank you for reviewing, it really makes my day! **

**Tell me what you think about our new characters and what changes you think I should make. However, before you do I think I should make it clear that Jacob will not be imprinting on Bella. I'm not a big fan of imprinting, I only use it to spice the story up and I think it makes explaining how Jacob and Bella love each other too easy… if that makes sense. But other than that I'm all ears for suggestions!**


	4. Confessions: Part 1

**WARNING: This contains some mature content. Some of you may not want to read the more "hardcore" parts. When you see ~~~~ that means that the content is in the next few paragraphs. When you se ~~~~ again you are past it. If you are one of the people that skipped the content and are confused feel free to ask me what happened and I will give you a summary.**

**Confessions: Part 1**

Bella's POV

"Come sit with me." I said as I made my way to a little workbench in the corner of the room where the lighting was best. I felt the bench shift beside me and knew he was there and probably staring at me. I took a deep breath and let it out. I knew that I couldn't shorten my story, he had to know everything, no matter how painful it was for me to speak about.

"Some of the things I have to say are a little hard to swallow, I know it's unfair of me to be dumping this all on you, but I would appreciate it if you let me finish the story without any interruptions." Once again he nodded and I started telling my tale.

"After I ran away from the wedding I went back home and packed my bag. I hopped in my truck and got on the freeway. I didn't really know where I was going, but that was a good thing. I didn't want Alice to be able to find me and her powers aren't too useful if the subject she watches makes a last minute decision. So I started towards Colorado, then Utah, then New Mexico, and then I finally chose Phoenix. I wanted to go to a place where the Cullens wouldn't be able to go out and find me. I just needed a little time to think. I never wanted to get married, I felt obligated to, like everyone was expecting me to go through with it. Like I'm supposed to want to get married because I'm the girl. For me, I guess Arizona was a sanctuary. Everything was so simple there, and then I moved here and everything changed. I liked feeling normal for a while. I stayed at a small hotel that provided breakfast and dinner, so I wouldn't have to worry about paying for food. I got to go out during the day and go to the mall or just go sight seeing. The only time I actually worried was nighttime because the Cullens could very easily slip into my room and take me back to Forks. After about a month of worrying Alice left a message on my phone saying she understood that I didn't want her to be looking into my future anymore and that, at the moment, I didn't want to be brought back. She assured me that even though I hadn't married Edward, she still wanted us to be friends and that she would start looking out for me again once I contacted them."

"I was so relieved to hear that she was okay with me not marrying Edward. I stayed for another two weeks and then I was ready to come home. I remember my last day in Arizona was supposed to be a Wednesday. I had gone to see my old home and a few other places that held memories of my child hood before I drove back to the hotel. That evening I decided to walk to a convenience store and stock up on supplies for the long drive back to Forks. When I came out it was dark. I started walking and was almost home when I heard someone scream. It was loud and pierced the night before it suddenly cut off. I knew something was wrong so I headed down an alleyway where I thought I had heard the sound. I was always told as a child to never go down an alley in the dark, I wish I had listened. When I got far enough down the alleyway I saw where the sound had come from. It was lit by a single streetlight that was close to going out so I couldn't see much, but I saw enough. There was this man who had on some weird mask and a dark outfit with one hand down this woman's shirt and the other tightly wound around her neck. She was struggling against him, trying to wriggle free of his grip but he was too strong for her. Every time she tried to get away he removed his hand and slammed her into the alley wall." I could feel Jake's eyes on me as he began to catch on.

"I didn't know what to do at first, but then I saw that there was a broken baseball bat in a trash can. I picked up the longest end and slammed it onto his head three times. He let go of the woman and cradled his head. She quickly thanked me before taking off down the alley, I was about to follow her when I felt a painful tug on my hair. I cried out in pain and then it was as if the woman and I had just traded places. I screamed and screamed but he put his arm around my neck was cutting me off while the other one started to go down my body. I was kicking and thrashing in his grip and was about to give up hope when the heel of my foot finally found his groin. He doubled over in pain and I started to run, but you know me, I can't even walk straight let alone run. I tripped and busted my lip I was about to get up and start running again but he was there, standing over me. He smiled and then gave me one hard punch across my face and I blacked out." I let out a shaky breath, I had so much more to tell him and already I was losing strength. I didn't dare look at him, I didn't want to know what his expression was.

"When I woke up I had no idea where I was, the only thing I could tell was that I was in a room and on a bed. The room was pitch black and I couldn't see a thing. For a moment I thought the whole thing had been a bad dream, that I was back at the hotel and I was about to return home. But then I heard a door creak open and footsteps coming down what sounded like wooden stairs. They squeaked with every step he took and then he was standing there, in front of me. I could only see the outline of his body in the darkness but it still frightened me. I tried to move my hands and legs but they had been hand cuffed to the bedposts. I heard him laugh as he watched me struggle. It wasn't a good laugh, it was the laugh of a villain, which I guess was appropriate. I was still struggling against the handcuffs when I felt his hands at the hem of my shirt. He pulled it up some and then cut it with a knife, stopping right at my neck. It was a warning, and I got the message. He wanted me to stop struggling. I was frozen in fear as the knife passed in front of my face but when I couldn't see it I started thrashing some more. Next thing I knew there was pain shooting up my arm and blood trickling down but I still kept moving. I felt the knife cut across my inner thigh, and stopped moving. Once I stopped he told me that if I was a good girl he would make it hurt less. But I didn't want it to hurt at all." My voice was shaky and my eyes started to burn. My breathing was un-even and I wanted to leave it there and break down, and Jake knew it.

"Bells, you don't have to." Jacob said.

"No, I need to tell you. I need to tell _somebody _the truth." I took a deep breath and continued.

"I stayed still as he cut off my jeans followed by my bra. I was crying, I remember that very clearly. I started thrashing again once my bra was off. I didn't want to be seen that way, used that way. He didn't care though. I expected to feel the knife again but was surprised when I didn't feel anything. Then, out of the blue, I felt the sting of a whip cut across my stomach and my lower chest. There were little shards of metal and glass attached to the end of the whip that ripped right through my skin. I remember thinking about the type of person that would make such a horrible thing. After two blows my body was pretty bloody and I was losing energy. I heard the rumple of a shirt on the ground and the zipper of his pants sliding down. I closed my eyes, I didn't want to see, but then it was there in my face." I could feel the tears running down my face and I angrily wiped them away. I didn't want to cry. I didn't want Jake to forgive me out of pity, that is if he would forgive me at all. I was shaking now, I didn't know if it was because of my wet clothes or because of the words that were coming out of my mouth.

"I didn't want to. I really didn't Jake, but he made me. I was so… disgusted. When he pulled out I thought it was over, but I felt him move lower. I was openly sobbing and he kept hitting me and telling me to shut up. He said no one could hear me and even if they did no one would care about a worthless piece of shit like me as he pushed into me and broke through my barrier. It was so painful. He kept hitting me and I could feel him in me, Jake. It was revolting! Finally I passed out. I had never been so happy to black out in my entire life, but then I woke up a few hours later in the same room, with him standing over me. I was in a different position, chained up against a wall. I think he changed me when I passed out. He raped me again and again and every time I would pass out. He never let me see his face and always kept the room dark. The one time he did turn on a dim wall lamp the only thing I could see were his eyes, they were hazel. The only things I can remember about him are his eyes and his voice. He kept me in that room for two years and had his way with me. I was so broken by then that I didn't even bother to struggle, but he didn't like that. He always kept his knife and his whip on this small table by the bed as well as some other items to make me scream when he wanted me to. He had this friend that would come by sometimes and join him but I never saw him. I blacked out every time, no matter what, and every time I woke up I was in a different position. So I used that information to come up with a plan to get out of there and about month after the two year mark I put it into action."

"He usually came in three to five times a day depending on how long I was passed out for. I figured that if I could get it right the first time then I wouldn't have to endure the other times. Unfortunately it took me three tries to get it right but I was finally able to make it through a whole session without passing out, but I acted like I hadn't. I lay still as he thrust into me and tried not to wince as he hit me, but when he finally pulled out I was conscious. He stepped away from the bed and I heard him putting his clothes back on. I felt his hands on my hand cuffs as he released my hands and feet and when I was free I pushed him back and grabbed his knife off of the table and stabbed him as many times as I could, but in the dark I really only managed to get him in the leg. When I thought he wouldn't be able to chase me I ran for it. I ran up the stairs and through what appeared to be a large house, all the time hearing his footsteps coming after me until I finally made it out. The house a few meters away from the street so I ran, devoting all of my concentration towards not tripping. I finally made it to the street and ran into a lady who looked to be in her mid thirties and frantically asked her for help. I was still naked so she was very surprised but as I was explaining the situation I heard two loud shots and felt this intense pain in my back. I fell forward into the lady and heard a few more shots and sirens, but that was all I got before I passed out again." I let out a breath. The worst of it was over. I could feel Jacob shaking violently next to me, but true to his word he didn't say a thing.

"I woke up in the hospital three days later. Apparently the two bullets had barely missed my spinal cord. I had some internal bleeding and suffered from blood loss. They fixed up my multiple cuts in surgery and gave me some cream to help with the scars and the bruising along with some pain medication. The guy, whose name was Ryan had apparently been captured and convicted. He's serving a life sentence in jail for not only my rape but the rape and murder of three other young girls. Apparently he had a habit of killing the girl he had been using and finding another one after so much time had passed. Then they asked me a bunch of questions like what my name was and where I lived. I didn't want anything getting back here to Charlie so I said I was from Arizona, which I guess is partly true. I said I didn't know where my parents were and that there was no one else I could call so they released me and I went back to the hotel. The only thing they needed to know was that I was over 18. The first week on my own was bad, really bad. I felt so ugly. My face was swollen and my hair was matted with the remains of blood. I hurt everywhere. My groin stung even though the rape kit had relatively fixed it up. I was seriously considering just killing myself, but I could never do that to you and to my family. I wanted to go back home, I just wanted to see you again, but I didn't want to return to you broken. I didn't want you to have to fix me up again, it's not your job. You're so much more to me than the guy that just patches me up when I'm broken."

"I didn't want you to see me like that so I decided to fix myself up. I called a cheap therapist and began weekly sessions. I started putting on the scar cream and bruising cream daily. I went back to the doctor to get my stitches taken out and made sure I was healthy. Before long the scars and bruises began to fade, but they are still there. My face returned back to its normal size and Trudy, my therapist, had worked wonders on me. I wasn't completely healed, but it was as close as I could get at the moment, and it was good enough for me to come back and see you. All of that took another two years. When I finally drove back here I was so scared of what you would say. I knew you would hate me for leaving, I hated myself for leaving. I know I shouldn't have left in the first place because if I hadn't, none of that would have happened to me. Even so can you ever forgive me for hurting you so badly?" I finally turned to him. A few tear marks were on his cheeks and he was shaking like crazy.

"Jacob." I said as I touched his hand and gently rubbed circles on the top of it as I had done in the parking lot of Betsy's market. When he stopped shaking he stopped my hand, and for a second I thought he was about to tell me he didn't want me to touch him.

"Jacob, please, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for hurting you. I know you must be disgusted by me right now but please, please just say you'll forgive me. I can't live like this, not seeing you. I don't care if you don't love me anymore, I just need to have you in my life." He pulled my hand into his chest and pulled me closer to him before he wrapped his arms around me. I felt his lips in my hair and relaxed into him. He was so warm and my shaking stopped. We stayed in the same position for a while, holding on to each other and comforting one another. Then Jacob pulled back from our embrace just enough for him to look me in the eye.

"Bella, I'm so sorry that happened to you. I feel like I've been a total ass now." His voice cracked at the end. I could tell he was close to tears.

"You have every right to be angry. I know what happened was bad but it doesn't change the fact that I left you here, that I left every one behind without a word." I stroked his hair and he let out a shaky breath.

"Wow, here I am trying to comfort you and it's you that's comforting me." I smiled and he smiled back.

"Bella, you are so amazing, I hope you know that. You went through all of this shit in the past few years, but you fixed yourself and you came back. You took my animosity and found the strength to tell me what happened. I'm sorry I pushed so hard for an excuse, I didn't know what to expect, but it certainly wasn't that."

"It's fine. I would have been curious too. My therapist, Trudy, told me that if I told someone else close to me I would feel better, I think she was right. I feel like I can breathe a little more, so thank you."

"When you put it that way it makes me seem like less of an ass hole but I still think I was wrong to push you on it. I am happy you feel better though. I'm so proud of you."

"Why? What is there to be proud of? I ran away from my problems, got used by two different men for two years because I couldn't fight one off in an alley, and almost got myself killed. The only decent thing I did was going to see Trudy and that was just for you and Charlie." I didn't understand how Jacob could see me in such a good light after everything I told him. I was so... well for lack of a better word, weak. Or that's what I thought of myself. How could I think of myself any differently when a man just came in and took everything from me. I wasn't strong enough then, and now I'm all used up. Jacob didn't care much for my comment though.

"You're looking at it the wrong way Bella. You say you ran away from you're problems, but you didn't. You ran to confront you're problems, to think about them and make a decision and because of that you're here with me instead of a lifeless corpse, and I can't tell you how happy that makes me. You look at yourself as a weak girl for not being able to fight a rapist in a dark alley, but have you ever thought that you are a hero to that woman you saved. You almost got killed but it was because you made a plan and you escaped, and you fixed yourself up. I don't care if you say it was for me or for Charlie, all I care about is that you had the strength to face those two years you spent with that bastard and started to get past it. You're living your life Bella, and that's why I'm proud of you. Because instead of breaking down and not functioning you are trying, whether for me or for Charlie, you are trying." He always made the best of any situation, always made me feel better.

"Why are you so good to me?" I asked. I didn't see how, he could still see me as he did years ago.

"Because that's what you deserve and what you should always expect." I smiled and looked at him. I wanted to kiss him, but it probably wasn't going to happen. After seeing me so weak he probably would keep his distance. I usually wasn't so touchy with the subject, but it's probably because the only person I ever talked about it with was Trudy. I only cried once through out my two years of seeing her, and that was the first session. But for some reason, telling Jacob opened up the floodgates. It's like picking of a scab and accidentally opening up a cut. It was almost healed but when I opened up that scab all the pain came rushing back to me. To avoid thinking about the past four years I decided to think about the past hour, particularly something Leah said.

"Jake, I know it's not my place to ask this but are you seeing someone?" His eyes snapped to mine and I bit my bottom lip.

"No, not at the moment. I know what you're thinking Bella. I want to be with you too, but it's going to take some time. I've had so much hatred built up inside me for so long, and even though I know it wasn't your fault you were away for such a long time, it's going to be hard to let all of my anger go. We both need to get to know each other again. You've obviously changed, how could you not after going through all of that shit? I want to get the know the new you and you need to get to know the new me before we can be together." I have to admit I was a little disappointed, but I knew he was right. I had changed, and it was becoming more and more clear to me that he had as well.

"I think that would be best." I said, a bit disheartened. Jacob noticed and took my hand in his. I let out a breath and there was a beat of silence.

"Well, I think that's enough of my drama, let's talk about something else?"

"It's not drama Bella. It's your life, and nothing could be more important, so don't sell yourself short. I'd love to talk more with you, unfortunately I have to go get Billy from Sue's. Embry brought him but he said I'd have to pick him up. The party is about to end in a few minutes and I don't want to be late."

"Oh," I said stupidly.

"Yeah I know, but can you meet me tomorrow at our log on First Beach around noon?" I felt my heart flutter in my chest.

"Sure." I said a little too enthusiastically and Jake chuckled.

"I should probably pick up Charlie too, I kind of left him there because Leah made me go home." For a second I wondered if I actually just said that but the look on Jacob's face confirmed it. _Shit Bella why did you say that?_

"She threw you out of the house?" He asked incredulously.

"Well she told Charlie I was feeling sick after telling me to leave you alone and Charlie got all worried and he wasn't going to let up so I had to go. She didn't actually force me out of the house though." While I didn't like Leah, I didn't want Jake to confront her on her behavior. That wouldn't bode well for him because the rest of the pack didn't know about my situation and they would think he just forgave me with no explanation. It would make life harder for him. Thinking of the pack led me to another thought.

"Jacob, you understand that you can't tell anyone right, not even my dad knows." When he didn't answer right away I started to get scared.

"Bella I think you should tell Charlie, he's your father. I'll even go with you so you won't be alone."

"No, I can't tell him yet. I just need a little more time. I don't want to disappoint him."

"You could never disappoint Charlie, he loves you no matter what."

"But everything is going so well now, we're talking again and we're both happy and if I bring it up it will ruin every thing. He won't look at me the same way, no one will."

"I look at you the same way and you just told me." He was right. He looked at me just as he had before I left and before any of this shit ever happened. But he was Jacob, that didn't mean I wouldn't be treated differently once everyone knew.

"Look Jacob I'm just not ready to tell him yet. I'm not going to tell Charlie or anyone else until I feel that they can take it and I can take it. So please just keep it between us. Don't let it slip up when you're phased, just keep it to yourself." I was practically begging him at this point. He was thinking quite a bit in the minutes that followed, and I could tell because his eyebrows scrunched together the way they always did when he was in deep thought.

"Alright, you win. I won't tell anyone. I already pushed you to tell me, I think that's enough of my pushing you into uncomfortable situations. It's your decision because it happened to you and I'll respect that. I'll do my very best to keep it out of my mind. But I want you to remember that no one is going to think any less of you because of what happened to you. I sure don't. If you wait too long to tell everyone because you're scared, they might be hurt that you didn't trust them enough to tell them right away and let them help you. I'm glad that you've let me in, and I will always be there to help you. Whether it's dealing with bad dreams or if you're just lonely, I want you to call me." In all honesty I was taken aback. The man that sat before me was just that, a man. How did that happen? He spoke clearly, like he knew exactly what he was going to say, he conveyed his statement with the right amount of emotion, and he always kept his tone soft yet stern. He had matured more than I had originally thought. Once again the urge to kiss him coursed through my body, but I held it down.

"Thank you Jacob. I promise I will tell them. Just not yet." He looked at me for a long moment and then got up. Once I was off the bench we made the way to my car, out hands still intertwined. He helped me into my car and then there was a long awkward silence.

"So thanks for fixing my tire for me. I know it made your night a little harder but I really appreciate it." He just chuckled and shook his head.

"It's no problem Bella. I couldn't just leave you. I made a promise." He backed away from the car, leaving his comment hanging in the air. He did promise me he would never hurt or leave me. It was right before he phased which I found slightly ironic. After his first slip up he promised me that he would do his best to make good of his promise. _I can't believe he still remembers that._ I thought to myself as I pulled up into Sue's driveway. Jacob had been behind me so he pulled up next to me and we walked in together. No one was in the front room to see us though so we each slipped out the backdoor to get our fathers. This time I went first because Jacob was piling some of Sue's fabulous food onto four plates. When I got to the back yard only Billy, Charlie, Harry, Sue, Leah, and Seth were there. It was pretty late so everyone had gone home.

When Leah saw me she scowled but she quickly fixed her face and said in a sweet voice, "Bella you should be at home in bed. You didn't have to come back if you were sick." It amazed me how well she could switch personalities like that. One minute she was a cold-hearted bitch and the next she was sugar, spice, and everything nice. It was kind of freaky.

"I wanted to get Charlie." I said. I guess he heard his name because he turned around. He was drunk off his ass. It's a good thing I came back. Billy was right next to him, and he too was wasted. Sue seemed to be the only coherent one of their little group. Seth came up behind Charlie and got him off of his plastic chair into a standing position. He was able to hold it for a few seconds before he started to fall over. Luckily Seth caught him again.

"He's had a few drinks," Seth explained, "Him and Billy got into it over who could hold their liquor best, but they both lost, obviously. I'll go get him in the car for you." Seth said as he gathered Charlie into a fireman's lift and proceeded to take him to the truck, smiling at me as he passed. As he left the back yard, Jacob entered with four full plates and the air grew still. Leah was obviously waiting for him to tell me off or say something to me. She was looking at us anxiously like a child waiting for a movie to start, her eyes moving back and forth slowly. Jacob didn't yell at me though. He looked at me and gave me a small, barely noticeable smile and said, "Don't tell me our dad's had a beer drinking contest again?"

"It looks like it. Do they do that often?"

"Pretty much every time we have a party. They both claim that they won at the previous one and say that they want a re-match to show the other which one is a true man." Jacob rolled his eyes at our fathers' behavior. It shouldn't have surprised me to know that Charlie got wasted every time a party was held, but it did. It's just not something you would expect from the Chief of Police. Jacob made his way over to Billy, who was currently babbling on about how he once went up to the top of Mount Rainier. He said it was really cold when he hiked up there last week, claiming that his legs still felt numb from the cold. Then at random he would switch topics. God bless Sue for listening to him and Charlie for that matter. Although I think she was having fun with Charlie. Not to say the Billy isn't fun but it's different with Sue and Charlie. Just, different. Jacob took Billy and got him in the car. He returned and apologized for his behavior, but she just laughed and claimed that Billy and Charlie were very entertaining and went inside to clean up the kitchen. Leah was looking at Jacob with a pointed expression on her face. She wasn't happy that he hadn't chewed me out when he first came in.

"That's it. You're not going to do anything about that?" Leah snarled while jerking her head in my direction.

"Her name is Bella." Jacob growled back.

"Like I give a flying fuck what her name is. Why should I care about the name of a spineless bitch that doesn't know how to make up her mind."

"Leah, watch it. You're on thin ice right now." Jacob was stating to shake, both Leah and I noticed. I didn't want Jake to do something he might regret. I knew Leah could handle herself pretty well but I wasn't sure if she could do very well against Jacob.

"Why should I? Why should I "watch it" almighty Alpha? Let's just break that thin ice I'm on and plunge right in. I don't want her in my house, around my pack brothers, around our families, or around our tribe. All she brings is trouble and heartbreak. Look what she did to you! You were broken Jacob, broken! And now you're just going to forgive her? That's complete bullshit Jake! We don't need a pale faced leech lover!" she yelled as she started shaking as well.

"Bella, leave, right now. I promise I won't tell her anything but I need you to take Charlie and leave. I'll see you tomorrow at First Beach." his voice was dark and almost animalistic. I knew not to question him so I quickly made my way through the house and jumped right into the car. On the way home I thought about Jacob. If he and Leah fought, if he had gotten hurt. And if he had gotten hurt then it was all my fault. I was worried about him, but at the same time I knew that he could hold his own. Charlie was babbling the whole way home, but by the time I pulled into the drive way he was out like a light. It was quite comical actually. It's like we reversed roles and he was the drunk teen while I was the one responsible for getting him home safely. I woke Charlie up and he groggily got out of the truck and went to the door. I unlocked it and we both went in. Charlie raced to the bathroom and a few seconds later I heard vomiting noises so I brought him a glass of water. He thanked me and told me I could go to bed. I didn't want to leave him alone but I was very tired and Charlie was a grown man that could handle himself. So after protesting only once I went into my room and went to sleep.

_~Redeem~_

_I was in the lake again, or that's what it felt like at least. I didn't know because my eyes were closed. I tried to open them but I couldn't. Was I blind or had someone glued my eyelids shut? I didn't know. I felt the same stinging pain as I did in every dream I had and finally my eyes opened. The hot and cold were ripping me apart. Both sides kept pulling and pulling at me. I was being torn in half by the two sides. I had to get away. I had to get out. The cold sensed this and tried to consume me but the hot wouldn't have it._

_And so they both consumed me. I could feel both sides fighting around me, and while they caused each other pain I was writhing in agony. The two forces, hot and cold, were never meant to be together. If the cold consumed me then I would never again feel the warmth of the heat comforting me, instead it would cause me pain. If the heat consumed me then the cold would bite at my skin. Which one, I had to choose. And only when I chose would the agony stop._

_I reached out towards the warmth and the fighting stopped. The water stilled as I reached for the warmth, but just as I was about to reach him, the cold swooped in and caught me. I touched the cold and I was memorized. I was obsessed with it, I needed it. It was like some spell had been laid and I was now tied to this cold figure. The heat was enraged and tried to fight back, but it only stung me. I couldn't be comforted by it's warmth anymore._

_The cold sent a wave over me. It was meant to be loving but it was to big, to grand, and I was hit with the cold water. I went under and kept sinking until I hit the bottom. I was drowning, there was nothing I could do. Chains tied me to the bottom of the lake and I felt him over me again. He looked at me with those eyes and I shut mine. Waiting for the inevitable. I couldn't breath and I felt him move down there. He entered me forcefully and I cried. The warmth tried to help me, but it stung. The cold had already taken me, it could do nothing. And by taking me, the cold aided in my death, the cold killed me._

I woke up but I still couldn't breath. I could almost feel the pain in my groin, was I back in the room with him. Did I dream up my escape and talking to Jacob. I heard a figure cross the room and I whimpered.

"Please don't. Please don't hurt me. Please don't kill me, I need to go back. I'll be good but please stop. Please!" I was crying and trying to swat his hands away, but then I felt something warm. It didn't sting me, or hit me, it held me_. He_ held me.

"Bella, it's just me. It's Jacob. Calm down honey it's just me." He sat down on the bed and held me in his arms. He was stroking my hair and rocking back and forth while he was trying to calm me down. After I realized that it was just Jacob I clung to him and tried to calm my erratic heartbeat. I closed my eyes and felt him kiss my forehead.

"I'm sorry Bella. I wish I could go right into whatever prison he's in so I could kill him for doing this to you. But he's not coming back. He's locked up and he's never going to hurt you again." Jacob whispered into my ear. I snuggled into his chest and felt his arms tighten around me as I drifted of into a more peaceful, dreamless sleep.

**Okay I think I'll hide out for a day or two and let that one sink in. Some of you are going to kill me. Feel free to unleash your anger. If I get enough complaints I might change it, but this is where I had wanted the story to go. I'm kind of nervous about your reaction but all I can do now is thank you for reading and hope you'll stick around. Coming up is part two which is Jacob telling Bella about his last four years without her. Thanks for reading! :)  
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**-ladybug82896**


	5. Confessions: Part 2

**IMPORTANT PLEASE READ: First off I wanted to say I am very happy with the response to the last chapter. I really thought you guys wouldn't like it. I've had some people tell me that this fic is similar to some other ones and I really have no idea what to say. Maybe you're thinking about the original version of Redeem because this re-write has all of the same content, I just added more detail to make it more realistic. Maybe you're thinking about some other fic. I'm sorry if it seems like I'm copying someone else's work, I can assure you that is not my intention. Maybe as the story progresses you will see more differences but I really do hope no one thinks I am trying to copy their fic. However, I do want to make it clear that I will not be taking this story down because it bears resemblance to other stories. I will do my best to make sure this story is unique, but I will not take it down. Okay, on with the story.**

**WARNING: There is some mature content in this chapter.**

**Confessions: Part 2**

Bella's POV

I woke up the next morning alone. I looked around the room for Jacob and instead found a note on the pillow beside me.

_Bells,_

_I'm sorry I couldn't be there when you woke up but I had some things I had to take care of._

_ I can't wait to see you though! Remember, we're meeting at our log on First Beach at noon. _

_-Jacob_

I smiled at the note. It was sweet. I did notice that there were a few things crossed out above his name. I cold only make out an "l" an "o" a "y" and a "B" but I had an idea about what he was trying to say. I glanced at the clock and realized that it was already ten thirty. I jumped out of bed and into the shower. I washed my hair and when I got out I blow-dried it. I decided to just leave it down in the interest of time and went to my closet to pick out something to wear. I decided to go with a pair of faded light-wash skinny jeans and a long sleeve shirt. By then it was already eleven. I quickly picked out some earrings and put on my favorite boots before I went downstairs and made myself a small breakfast. Charlie had left out the cereal along with a thank you note for getting him home last night so I got a bowl and scarfed down my breakfast. It was already eleven thirty five so I got in my truck and started towards First Beach.

There was traffic on the way there. Just my luck. There is almost never traffic in Forks and the one day I'm in a hurry there was traffic. It was a nice day out, and because sunshine is such a rarity people are flocking towards the beach. Needless to say I ended up five minutes late. I weaved my way through the people and finally found Jacob on our log. Some girl was in front of him with some strings and pieces of fabric on which I guess was supposed to be her bathing suit. She was pushing her breasts out and twirling a piece of her hair. When I got closer I heard some of their conversation.

"Jakey come on, it's been so long."

"I know, it hasn't been an accident that you don't see me anymore. I don't do that anymore." he said in a tone I had heard him use when I ran into him at Betsy's.

"But why Jakey? Don't you want me?" the girl pouted as she pushed her chest out even more. Jacob turned his head away from her chest, which was now a few inches from his face and replied with a blunt, "No." The girl stood in shock for a few moments and then she got angry.

"Well screw you then Jake! There are plenty of guys that would kill to fuck this fine piece of ass!" she yelled as she stomped off. When she was gone I walked up and sat down next to Jacob. He turned to me with a wary look on his face.

"Hey Bells." His usual cheery nature was gone and replaced with a dreary one. I was caught off guard and I think my face showed it.

"What, not happy to see me?" I asked. My tone was humorous but the statement was serious.

"No, no, that's not it at all. I just... I'm a little stressed is all. But I am glad to see you." There was an awkward silence between us and I decided to sit down.

"Jacob I'm sorry about what happened last night." I said.

"Are you sorry you told me-" Jacob began, the confusion evident on his face.

"No, no, I'm sorry about what you saw last night. I never wanted you to see me like that. It's the reason I stayed away and got a therapist. I didn't want you to feel like you had to comfort me." I saw the confusion melt off of his face and felt his hand move to my face.

"Bella, I want you to listen to me, because I only want to say this once. I will never feel like I _have_ to comfort you. I will never feel obligated to comfort you or hold you when you're sad or in distress. I want to hold you, and comfort you. I want you to feel safe with me, and I don't ever want you to feel like you are a burden to me. I'm happy you told me about what happened to you because now, when you're having a bad dream or when you're scared, I can be there for you. So don't apologize to me for that, alright?" His eyes were searching mine for the answer he wanted. It's weird, because while we were having this intense moment there were people all around us laughing and having fun at the beach. Jacob kept staring at me, waiting for an answer.

"Alright," I said, and I meant it. Normally I would have agreed, but in my head I would still be holding on to my true feelings. However, something was different this time. I didn't know what it was, but I could feel myself taking in his words and accepting them. Jacob's eyes searched mine for a little while longer before he finally smiled and moved back some.

"So how did things go with Leah last night?" I asked.

"Not to well. Both of our dogs got into a fight and when they calmed down we finally got to talking." Jacob was obviously changing a few details because we were in public, but I found it slightly comical, the thought of Leah and Jacob walking tiny dogs and them getting into a scuffle.

"What did she say?"

"She asked why I had forgiven you so easily and I told her that she didn't even know the reason you were away for such a long time. She asked me if I did and I said that I understood why you had been gone. She asked why you had stayed away for so long and I told her I couldn't answer that. I said it was your question to answer and I didn't think you wanted me to tell her. She got angry after that and demanded that I tell her. Our dogs almost got into it again but Sue told us we needed to calm them down. Leah started calling you all these horrible names and said I was a pussy for just taking you back after everything. She claimed that you were not allowed in her house and that if she ever saw you again, she would attack. I was so angry by that point that I was shaking again, but I left because Sue was starting to get angry. I haven't talked to her since."

"I'm sor- I mean I didn't mean to cause so much trouble in your pack, or in your life." I said.

"You didn't Bella. You came back, which is exactly what everyone wanted. Leah was just being herself. She was the one person that was more angry than I was about your sudden departure." I felt a pang of guilt at the mention of my "sudden departure" as Jacob put it. There was yet another awkward silence between us.

"So, what have you been doing for the past four years?" I asked hesitantly. I knew that what he had to say might hurt me, but I needed to know.

"Are you sure you want to know Bella?" He asked with a concerned look on his face.

"You know me way to well. Yes I'm sure." Jacob smiled at my words but still looked worried.

"Okay, but just keep in mind that I'm not trying to hurt your feelings." He gave me a meaningful look before he continued. "Well after you left it was bad. I mean it really wasn't good. I was worried about you for the first four months. I didn't know when you were going to come back, I was angry all the time and always on edge. I went to the Cullens house but they weren't there. That was probably for the best, because if they had been there I would have killed them all." His eyes met mine for a moment before the drifted off to the sand in front of him.

"I wasn't in my right mind, and the pack knew it. After the six-month mark I started to really get angry. I was so mad at you for leaving me without a second thought. I felt betrayed in a way, which is completely unreasonable. I should have been happy. You ran away from those leeches and you were human, out living your life somewhere. Or that's what I thought at least. The thought that you might be dead crossed my mind occasionally, but the thought was immediately eradicated every time it made its way into my head. I didn't want to even think about you being dead. A few months passed and then Quil and Embry started coming around a lot. At first I was annoyed by them. I didn't think I needed a baby sitter to come and make sure I was all right, but looking back I think it was the best thing they could have done for me. They told me that I couldn't be mad at you for wanting a better life, and while they didn't agree with you taking off, they didn't hate you for it. They told me when the time was right you would come back, hopefully human."

"They started bring me back out of the dark ravine that I was in. They took me out Port Angeles for nights out on the town. During patrols they talked to me and tried their very best to make me laugh. At first their efforts went unnoticed by me, but eventually I could tell I was starting to get better. By this time it was about the two-year mark. On one of these nights out I ran into this girl. Her name was Patricia and she worked in New York at some big stock firm. Apparently her father was here in Forks Hospital after some bad fishing accident. She was nice enough, but that wasn't what drew me in." I listened tentatively, even though I felt an ache in my chest when he mentioned the pain I had caused him, and felt jealousy rise like bile when he mentioned this other woman.

"She had eyes that were almost identical to yours, and hair that smelled like yours too, just not as sweet. That was all I needed to ask her out though. Things were good for a couple weeks until she had to go back to New York. I suggested that we try the long distance thing, but we both knew it wasn't going to work. Nevertheless I was heartbroken, not over losing Patricia, but over losing you. She resembled you enough to where I was genuinely crushed when she went away because it made me remember how you weren't there with me. After a month of my sulking I was clubbing like crazy, looking for girls that looked like you to ease the ache in my chest." I was staring at him intently now, but his eyes were still on the sand.

"I found this other girl named Sally. She didn't look like you. But she was sweet and had this way of doing things that reminded me of you. So of course I asked her out. That relationship went better than I expected. Once I spent some time with her I realized that I began to like her for her. She was funny, and sweet, and pretty, and athletic. She loved animals and was very passionate about everything she did. For three months I was happy, and it was because of her. But things didn't work out." She could tell that he was still feeling the sting of the end of his relationship with this woman.

"What happened?" She asked gently.

"I couldn't tell her about the pack and I eventually had to start cancelling dates unexpectedly. One time I left right in the middle of a date and left her just sitting in a restaurant with a mouth full of food and a bill to pay. She accused me of cheating and I denied it. I promised her that I would never do something like that to her and she believed me. That is until she followed me out of a restaurant one night and saw me getting naked. She wouldn't even allow me the chance to explain, she just left. She never answered my calls and didn't hang out where she knew I could find her. I haven't seen her since. I was hurting after that break up for a few months. During my sulking period I decided that instead of sitting on my ass and crying I was going to do something with my life and get a job. The only problem was I needed a job that would understand that I needed to leave unexpectedly because of my pack ties, which was never going to happen unless the business was pack owned. That's how The Pack Mechanics was made. I told Quil and Embry about my idea and we invested as much money as we could into it. We got a bank loan for about ten thousand dollars and started building our shop. Within an hour of opening we got our first customer and we've been doing well ever since. I was doing really well for a few months. I thought I was finally over you." He paused and then looked at me.

"Then a month ago I saw you at Betsy's Market and I felt broken all over again. I tried to keep it together. I didn't want to scare you off by showing you all of the anger I felt for you, but at the same time I didn't want you to think that I was just going to forgive you. After that day I had a mini relapse. It seemed like I was always irritated and I was going out to Port Angeles to look at girls and I drank _a lot_. I tried so hard to hate you. I mean, that's how any other person would feel, despite my efforts I knew it would never happen. I was hooked." He offered me a gentle smile and kept talking.

"When I heard about Sue's party I purposely didn't go. I didn't want to talk to you when I wasn't sure how I felt. I didn't think I would be able to tell you exactly what our situation was and needed more time to think. I figured that I would think about what to say to you during the week and then next Saturday I would come and talk to you. But you beat me to the punch. When you called me last night I was surprised at first. I didn't know you knew about the shop but I figured Quil and Embry told you." He paused again and looked at me, silently asking me if that was the case.

"Yeah they told me, but that's not how I got the number. Last month I was looking for jobs and I saw the ad in the paper about a secretary at a mechanic shop. I put it in the glove compartment along with some of the other ads and never took them out." I explained.

"Why didn't you come to the shop if you were looking for a job and had the ad?" He asked.

"I had already gotten a job and I was pretty tired. Besides, like you, I wasn't really ready to talk to you and tell you about what happened over the past four years. I really spent the last month getting my life together. I think I needed a small sense of normalcy in my life before I talked to you and sent everything spiraling out of control, or that's what I thought would happen anyway." He nodded.

"So where are you working?" He asked. My eyes lit up.

"It's this place called the Book Garden. It's this little bookstore in Forks. It's amazing Jake, you have to see it!" I said excitedly and he smiled.

"I will try to come by." He said, but something was off. I couldn't be sure, but it seemed like he was holding something back. Something important. But if he didn't want to tell me then I wasn't going to push. I was just glad he decided he could start to forgive me.

"Anyways when you came by and told me everything that happened to you I felt like I had been punched in the gut. I mean when you started I was just glad you left Cullen, but when you said you went down an alley I knew where it was going. I was hoping I was wrong but when you said you blacked out and were in that room I knew it was true. And then you told me about how he raped you and I could tell you were in pain telling the story." He grabbed my hand and kissed the back of it. Then keeping eye contact he continued.

"You were so strong Bells. While you were telling me all of those things I was getting so angry, but I knew that me phasing wouldn't help you at all. I did my best to keep my emotions in check, but it was hard. When you told me about your escape I couldn't help but thinking how my Bells was a survivor, and then you got shot. When you told me that I felt like the luckiest man on Earth to have you sitting next to me. It broke my heart to hear how you were thinking and feeling after you got back from the hospital, but I understood. Most girls would have done it, just popped a few more of the pain medication or jumped out of a window from the top floor, but you didn't. You chose to live and face your problems. You found someone to help you and stared what had happened to you right in the face and conquered it. I know you aren't completely healed but you healed yourself enough to come back to me, to come back home. And you have no idea how grateful I am that you did." He said. I let his words sink in for a moment and couldn't help but feel a little guilty.

"I knew I needed to come back Jacob. I couldn't just leave thing the way they were before I left. You were off somewhere angry and hurt because I had chosen to marry Edward and I was confused and anxious for you to come back home. I needed to come back and fix everything. I know you don't want to hear this again, but I'm going to say it anyway because I feel like I need to. I'm sorry I put you through that. I should have sent you a letter or something once I was in Phoenix to tell you where I was. You didn't deserve to be put through that. You didn't deserve me turning you away after you put me back together when Edward left me. You didn't deserve that right hook I gave you when you kissed me for the first time, you didn't deserve me turning you away after you told me you loved me, and you definitely didn't deserve all of the pain that I put you through when I agreed to marry Edward." I kept eye contact with him to make sure he understood how I felt. By now the most of the people had left the beach because unexpected clouds had moved in, making the moment much more intimate.

"Thanks Bells, really. But I would have done anything to have you in my life. It didn't matter if you were his leech wife, or his human fiancé, I loved you, and I still do. At the same time I'm anxious to meet this new woman sitting next to me. Because it looks like she's, beautiful, strong, independent, funny, and willing to love me." I could see all of the hope that shone in his eyes. I brushed some hair out of his eyes and them moved my hand down rubbed his stubbled cheek with the pad of my thumb. I became aware of how close we were to each other. If I just leaned a little I would be able to catch his lips with mine. I felt the urge burning within me. I hadn't felt his lips in so long. I haven't felt his loving touch in what seemed like forever, and it was what I craved most.

He closed his eyes as my thumb ran across his cheek and right over his top lip. He leaned into my hand and I could tell he wanted to kiss me too. I wanted to move in and get in over with. I knew we both wanted it, but I didn't want to rush into it. I didn't want us to move to fast. We just got back on speaking terms, a kiss would just complicate things. Thankfully we were interrupted by the loud rumbling thunder. Jacob pulled back, settling with taking my hand in his, and got off of our log, pulling me with him.

"It looks like it's about to rain, do you want to go back to my place. We could put on a old movie and pig out on ice cream, donuts, and whatever else we have in the house." He said with a grin.

"Hmm it does sound tempting, I think I'll have to take you up on that." I said with my own stupid grin. We ran over to my truck, because I guess Jake walked over, and drove to his house. We got in just as it started drizzling.

"Alright Bells, you pick a movie, I'll get the snacks." Jake said. I walked into the living room and inspected their shelf of DVDs settling on Harry Potter and the Sorcerers' Stone. A few minutes later Jake came back with a bunch of junk food and some sodas. He sat everything down on the coffee table and I laughed.

"Got enough food there Jake?" He laughed.

"I would get more put Billy has me on a tight food ration." I put in the movie and went to lay on the couch only to find it completely filled up by Jake. I shook my head and lay down next to him. His arms circled around my waist and pulled me into him. He lightly kissed my hair and I leaned into the warmth of his body. The movie started and Jacob smiled into my hair, "Harry Potter, really Bells?"

"Oh come on, you know you need that daily dose of Harry, Ron and Hermione." I teased. I felt him chuckle lightly.

"Well if I'm gonna watch this I'm gonna need some goodies." He said as he sat up. I laughed and sat up, snatching a doughnut he was reaching for and taking a bite.

"Oh so that's how it is?" He asked. Before I had time to respond the doughnut was out of my hands and he had popped the entire thing into his mouth. I watched him in disbelief and he chewed and swallowed the whole thing.

"How did you-" He didn't say anything, just smiled and waggled his eyebrows. I laughed and he continued to attack the food. He ate nearly all of the ice cream, chips, all of the doughnuts, and drank half of the soda. I got the scraps which was more than fine with me. When he was finished eating he laid back down and pulled me into the position we were in when the movie started. I was silent for a moment before a question bubbled to my lips.

"Hey Jake?"

"Yeah?"

"Why are you Alpha of the pack now? Did something happen to Sam?" I asked.

"No. It happened right after Sally and I broke up. I was angry with Sam because I felt like he was, once again, controlling my life. I told him it was his fault Sally broke up with me because he ordered me to keep quiet about the back. I argued that he couldn't keep sticking his nose in my private life and he said that because he was the Alpha of the pack it was his job to keep an eye on me. I was angry throughout the whole conversation, but not angry enough to take the Alpha position away from him. But then he mentioned you and I lost it. He said that he had done the right thing in ordering me not to talk to you and that he was right in ordering me not to tell Sally. I didn't hear the rest. I phased and jumped on top of him. I felt this huge surge of adrenaline rush through my body and I just felt… powerful. I told him that from then on I would be in control of my own life. I had only realized what happened when he whimpered and his knees gave out."

"Was Sam angry when he found out?" I asked.

"No, he said he was sorry about bringing you into it and he was sorry about Sally. He told me he was actually going to stop phasing and that I made his life a lot easier by taking the position."

"Oh. Do you regret it?"

"At first I did. I didn't know how I was going to explain everything to the pack, much less lead them. I got used to it though. By the that time we had gotten two more additions to the pack. Collin and Brady were only thirteen at the time and were the youngest members of our tribe to phase."

"Wait, why would they phase if there were no vampires here?" I asked confused.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean the Cullens, they didn't leave?" I asked.

"No, they left about three months ago."

"Oh," was all I said. My mind was reeling. There was something significant about that date. I couldn't remember what at the moment but I knew there was something that happened on that day.

I was about to ask another question but it looked like Jacob was about to go into a food coma. I put my hand on one of his hand that was around my waist and rubbed small circles into it. Before long he was fast asleep and I was well on my way to following him.

_~Redeem~_

_Hazel eyes were the only thing I could see in the darkness. They kept coming towards me and no matter how far and fast I ran they got closer and closer until I could feel his breath on my neck. His hand was on my thigh, spreading my legs until I heard a sickening crack and felt pain shooting up from my feet to my waist. I screamed but as soon as sound left my voice I was bound and gagged. _

_I felt him pounding into me, into both my body and my vagina. His fists were red with my blood and with each punch I could feel my consciousness fading. Was I dying? Would God be that merciful? Or would I wake up in a different position, awaiting the same fate._

_I waited and waited for darkness to overtake me but it did not come. I still felt him beating me, I still felt him sliding into me. I felt cuts being re-opened and my breasts being tugged at. I felt him pinching my clit roughly, trying to pull a release out of me and him hitting me in the stomach when it didn't come. Finally, I felt him come inside me. I felt sick at the thought of part of him being inside me, looking to make a baby. I felt even more repulsed when he succeeded and proceeded to beat it out of me. He clawed and whipped my stomach. The next time I woke up I felt blood all over my legs and saw a small dead fetus on the floor._

I woke up feeling nauseated with a sheen of sweat covering my body. I jumped off of the couch and ran to the bathroom to throw up. I felt all the food I just ate rise and finally come up out of my body and into the toilet. I flushed and went to the sink. I put my hands on either side of the counter and looked into the mirror. "You're not there anymore Bella. You're safe." I said to myself. I turned on the water and splashed some into my face and wiping it off with the hand towel. I went back out into the living room expecting to find Jacob sleeping, but he was looking at me with a worried expression.

"Are you okay Bells? I heard you throwing up."

"Yeah, I'm fine." My voice shook as I forced the words out of my mouth. I didn't want anyone to see me like this, I certainly didn't want Jacob seeing me like this. But he didn't buy it. He got off of the couch and pulled me into his arms. I couldn't take it anymore. I began to sob into his chest.

"Shh, it's okay I'm here." Jacob whispered as he stroked my hair. I tried to pull myself together, but instead I was falling apart. When I started to calm down Jacob pulled back to look at me.

"What happened Bella? Was it a dream?" He asked gently. I nodded.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No… well yes. I should, it would probably make me feel better. I just don't want to." I explained. He brushed some of my tears away with his thumb.

"I'm not going to push you Bells, but if you want to talk about it I'm right here." I took a deep breath to compose myself.

"I was with him again, I don't even know where we were, all I know is it was dark. He was inside me again, and beating me. I guess the two go hand in hand with him. Anyway, he never used a condom when he raped me and a few times I got pregnant. When I started to show symptoms and he suspected I was pregnant he started to beat me. I remember he whipped me across my stomach and punched me till I was covered in these black and blue splotches. The next day I woke up and my legs were bloody and on the floor there was the dead fetus." My voice was still shaky, but at least the tears had stopped. Jacob was shaking a bit, but I could tell he was trying to keep calm.

"I'm sorry honey." He said, rubbing my back. We were silent for a moment and then Jacob spoke again.

"I don't want to upset you or anything Bella, but if he never used a condom you need to get tested for-"

"STDs. They did that at the hospital. They all came back negative." He let out a sigh of relief and pulled me into him again. We stayed like that for a while until Jacob's stomach growled. I laughed and Jacob looked at me sheepishly.

"Come on," I said as I grabbed his hand, "Let's make you something to eat." He laughed and allowed me to pull him along into the kitchen. I made him a couple of sandwiches and made myself one PB&J. We ate in a comfortable silence. Shortly after eating Jacob offered to drive me home. I argued that he would have to walk home but he said he had to patrol anyway. I agreed to let him drive me home if he agreed to come to the Book Garden the next day. He said he would do his best and we got in my truck. We were silent the whole ride, the only sound coming out of the radio. When we got to my house Jacob turned to me.

"Don't forget to come to the Book Garden tomorrow." I said, not knowing what else to say. I wanted to stay with Jacob. His presence alone made me happy.

"I won't." I reached for the door when Jacob's hand on my arm stopped me. I turned around and his hand moved to my face. He moved in closer to me. At first I thought he was going to kiss me. He got closer and closer until his lips were a breath a way from mine. I began to close my eyes when I felt him kiss my cheek.

"Have a goodnight Bella." He whispered before pulling back and opening my door for me. I was about to get out when he stopped me again, but when I looked back the expression on his face was murderous. He pulled me back into the car and shut the door.

"What Jake? What is it?" I asked.

"Vampire," was the only thing he said before I looked up and saw a pair of golden eyes looking back at me.

**Dum, dum, dum! Who is it? Can anybody guess? I usually don't do cliffys but I felt like this one was necessary to break up chapters. Personally I think this chapter is a little iffy, but it's what you guys think that really matters. Thanks you to everyone who is reviewing, you have no idea how happy they make me! **


	6. Surprises

**Surprises  
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Bella's POV

I was going to hyperventilate in my old red Chevy. I was sure that was how it was going to play out. I would have run out of air long ago if Jacob's hand hadn't been on mine. _How did he know I was here?_ I thought. Why would he just turn up out of the blue to check on me? Were all of the Cullens back? Was he here to yell at me? Did he still want to get married. _Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!_ I had so many questions to ask, and the only way they were going to get answered was if I got out of this truck and talked to Edward. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before sliding my hand out of Jacob's and slowly opening the car door. As soon as my foot touched the ground Edward was next to me and I was pulled into a tight hug. My body tensed up and he noticed. He pulled back and looked at me.

"Bella, what's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing, I'm just a bit shocked is all. What are you doing here Edward?" I asked. I became very aware of Jacob who was still sitting in the car.

"I was on my way to California to hunt some mountain lions when I heard one of the wolfs thoughts. They were talking about you and said you were back in town. One of the wolves, Leah, told me that you were back. She told me that you would probably be with Jacob so I decided to wait at your house." Jacob growled at the mention of Leah.

"Oh well uhh, tadaa." I said, not really sure what else I could say.

"I was wondering if we could talk Bella. I know you said you needed time to think, but these last four years have been hell without you. We can go inside and maybe talk about us and what happened." He said while looking right into my eyes. I felt myself wanting to succumb to his wishes. He was doing it again, dazzling me. I looked away and regained my composure before speaking.

"Okay, we can talk, but can we do it a little later. Just give me an hour to get settled and then I'll meet you in my room, okay?" I asked. He looked at me without giving me an answer and for a moment I saw what looked like anger flash across his face, but it was gone as quickly as it came.

"Sure. I'll just go hunt or something," he said before turning to Jacob.

"I understand that the treaty is still in tact, I don't have to be reminded, dog." Jacob growled and then Edward was gone. I stood there looking at the ground for a long moment until I felt Jacob beside me.

"Bella, are you okay?" He asked in a soft voice. I looked up at him and saw a worried expression planted on his face.

"Yeah I'm fine I just…" I let out a long, conflicted sigh. "I don't know what I'm going to tell him, _if_ I'm going to tell him." On one hand, Edward had a right to know, on the other hand… well there is no "other hand". Edward had every right to know what happened to me. I may not be in love with him anymore, but I still cared about him, and it seemed like he still cared about me.

"Bella," Jake said softly, getting my attention. "I may not like the damn leech, but if you feel that telling him is best go with your heart. It might be hard but if it makes you feel better it might be for the best. In the end it's up to you though. If you don't think you're ready, you don't have to tell him. Don't let him make you feel pressured into doing anything you don't want to do." I smiled. Jacob always knew what I was thinking somehow. He could read me like an open book. I loved that about him. Right now, however, I could see that he was worried, and I knew why. I took his hand in mine and squeezed.

"I'm not going back to him. If I did, everything I went through and everything I put you through would go to waste. I came back for _you_ Jacob, not him." Jacob visibly relaxed and gave me one last tight hug.

"Alright, I have to go patrol. I'll try to come over later." He kissed me on my forehead and then ran off into the woods to phase. I turned and went into the house, thankful Charlie wasn't home yet. I needed time to think about what to say to Edward and how to say it. I decided to take a nice bath. I had a long day and a bath seemed like the perfect thing to relax me.

I undressed and stepped into the tub, letting the hot water work it's magic. I let out a deep sigh and closed my eyes. _I really ought to tell Edward._ I thought to myself. But I couldn't. I wasn't up for it today. It had taken a month for me to tell Jacob, who knows how long it would be until I was ready to tell Edward, and my father for that matter. But I knew I was going to have to tell them soon. I knew it was going to be difficult to explain everything _again_, especially after the dream I had today, but it was all part of the healing process. It just happened to be my least favorite part. My mind wandered back to the dream I had the previous night. That dream was my self conscious reminding me that Edward was no good for me. Who in their right mind would chose ice over fire. Who would choose to be cold and rigid over comfortable and warm? No matter what he said I would not go running back to him. He might be angry with me, he might still love me, but none of that mattered. I couldn't change the past, but I was taking hold of my future, and me being Mrs. Cullen wasn't apart of it. I would tell him what happened, tell him I didn't want to be with him, and move on.

Feeling strong and confident, I opened my eyes and looked at the digital clock on the bathroom counter. I only had ten minutes before Edward got back. I sighed and got out of the bathtub. Once I drained the water and wrapped myself in a towel I went to put on my pajamas. Edward showed up at 8:06, exactly one hour after our little conversation in the driveway. He knocked on the window and I let him in. I wasn't going to allow him to sneak in through my window without my permission anymore. My open window was for Jake to come through, and Jake only.

"Have a seat." I said, gesturing to the bed while I took a seat at my desk.

"So, how have you been?" I asked casually.

"I haven't been doing well. Life is horrible without you Bella. The only reason I didn't go to the Volturi is because I knew you would come back eventually." I felt uneasy now. He was acting like I was going to jump right back into his arms.

"I'm sorry about what I did Edward. I shouldn't have left like that. I was just scared." I said.

"That's alright love. All that matters is you're here now. We can just call Alice and have her re-plan the wedding. This time it can be small and Alice can be with you at all times to help you if you get any more pre-wedding jitters and we can be on our honeymoon. I'm sure it will only take a few days. And then we can—" I shook my head, I couldn't let him go on thinking that I was coming back to him, like nothing had changed.

"Edward, EDWARD!" I interrupted him and he finally stopped talking.

"What is it love?" He asked, his golden eyes pulling me in. I had to look away before speaking, other wise I could wind up saying something completely different than what I was thinking.

"Look, I care about you a lot Edward but—" He interrupted me this time, his eyes narrowing in suspicion.

"Why are you all the way over there love?" He asked.

"I just think it would be better, _easier_, if there was some distance between us." I said. Then all at once he changed. His eyes darkened and he now wore a sinister expression on his face.

"You don't think four years apart is enough distance Bella? You don't think that four years of me feeling horrible is enough? What exactly are you trying to make easier here Bella. You've already hurt me." I was surprised by his anger. I knew he had a reason to be angry with me, but I never expected it form him. He was always so calm and collected.

"You left me on our wedding day Bella! Do you know how crushed I was. You were off in god knows where doing god knows what while I was here trying to explain to everyone where my fiancé was. I gave you everything, I offered to change you! All I had was one request and instead of keeping your side of the bargain, you ran away like a child!" He raged on, each word delivered slowly and with intensity.

"Well that's what you always treated me like isn't it? You never let me do anything on my own, always told me what I could and couldn't do like you were my father. You were supposed to be my loving fiancé and you couldn't even tell that I didn't want to get married. I told you my thoughts on marriage Edward, you knew I didn't want to get married that young! You wanted marriage and I wanted to be treated as your equal. I wanted you to see me as a strong person, not a breakable human, and if you couldn't do that then I would be seen as a strong vampire." I yelled back. He had no idea how he made me feel when he treated me like I was beneath him. He took a small step away from me and spoke.

"Oh that is ridiculous Bella, I loved you! I was only looking out for you."

"Were you looking out for me when you left me Edward. You didn't talk to me about what had happened with Jasper the night of my birthday, just packed it all up and ran for the hills._ You_ were off in god knows where doing god knows what while I was left here, broken, and half dead. I gave you everything and you broke it off because you didn't think you could handle yourself. _You _ran away from me like a scared child, so I guess we're even. " I said. He looked at me with disbelief.

"We're even, god Bella how can you be so juvenile at a time like this? What I did was for your own good."

"Was it, because it sure as hell didn't seem like it. We both almost got ourselves killed. How was that in my best interest, or yours for that matter?" I asked.

"Look, none of that matters, that's in the past." He said, trying to calm himself down.

"Edward, you know I still care about you right. I hadn't planned on our wedding going like that. I thought we were going to get married, have a beautiful honeymoon, and spend the rest of eternity with each other. But I was young and confused. I didn't know what I wanted." I said softly.

"Do you know now?" he asked.

"Life, I want to live." I said, looking him straight in the eye.

"You can have that with me Bella, you don't have to change into a vampire." He said, his eyes pleading with me to understand, but I stood my ground.

"No I can't. You'll always treat my like I'm made of glass. Make me feel like I'm something you put on a mantle over a fireplace. Something to be admired and not touched. I want to be touched; I want to be able to experience a different kind of love, all kinds of love. I want someone who will let me make my own mistakes so I can learn from them, and I want someone that will see me as their equal. I don't want to be admired from afar; I want to be swept up and kissed breathless. I want to be able to make love to the man I give my heart to." I said. Even though I had been raped I wasn't scared of sex. Trudy and I talked about that a lot during our sessions. She made sure I knew that sex wasn't what I had experienced with Ryan. We often talked about the difference between sex, and rape. She said sometimes sex was rough, but only in the interest of pleasure for both people involved. Most of the time she said it was gentle and beautiful and I couldn't wait to experience that kind of love.

"Oh so sex is what you want? Is that why you were with Jacob today? Is that why you want distance, because you want sex and I can't give it to you without hurting you?" He said incredulously.

"Don't bring Jacob into this! The sexual aspect is part of it, yes, but that's not the point Edward-", I started but he wouldn't have it.

"You 're unbelievable Bella. I wanted to marry you out of love and you wanted to marry me because you wanted sex? Is that it? I guess that's what happens when sweet town girls get all wound up." He said. I could see all of the judgment in his eyes and that was the last straw.

"I've experienced enough of another man invading my privacy to last me a lifetime in the time I've been gone. I have been hurt and abused, and you would know that if you asked what I had been doing for the last four years. You came back here acting like you cared about me, like you still loved me and wanted to get married after everything I had done to you. But how could you say you cared about me and loved me if you hadn't had the decency to ask me what I had been up too since we last saw each other. It's always about you Edward. You do what _you_ think is best for me and you act like you love me because you don't want to be lonely!" I was so angry I was seeing red.

"We are both at fault for the problems in our relationship, so don't try and blame them all on me. Yes, I was the one that ran away, but that was only because you pressured me into something I didn't want to do. For the last hour I was sitting in a bathtub trying to find a way to tell you about what happened to me because I cared about you and though you should know. I was ready to have a conversation with you like a mature adult instead of arguing with you. I think the only reason we started arguing is because you don't like to lose, especially not to Jacob. You can't stand me being with him instead of you. But if you really cared about my happiness you would accept that I am not in love with you Edward, I don't think I ever was." I could see I had struck a nerve. He had the most somber expression on his face and for a second I felt bad, but that was how things had to be.

"We wouldn't be arguing if you had just come back to me." He said in a soft voice.

"I'm sorry you feel that way," I said softly, "I care about you Edward, I do, but I can't come back to you after everything I've been through. I've changed; I'm not the same girl anymore. When it first happened I was scared and I didn't like the person I was turning into, but now I am happy with the person I've become. The old Bella was fine with getting treated like a china doll and being controlled by you, but the new Bella won't tolerate it. I can't be with you anymore Edward." My voice was clear and strong as I told him this. I looked him straight in the eye and held my ground. For some reason it wasn't as hard or as life changing as I thought it would be. I thought saying goodbye to Edward would be this big monumentous _thing_. But in reality it was just like breaking up with any other person, it hurt a little to think that you were hurting them, but in the end you knew it was the best thing to do. Edward looked at me, the pain of my statement showing clearly in his eyes.

"Well, I guess that's it then." He said quietly. I wanted to comfort him, to tell him that everything was going to be all right. I wanted to tell him that he was perfect and I was the one that screwed things up, but that would be a lie. He wasn't perfect, and I didn't mess up our relationship on my own. I couldn't keep trying to protect his ego, he needed to hear the truth and that's exactly what I gave him.

"I guess it is." He got up from the bed and walked over to me. He kept eye contact with me as he took my hand and kissed it, and then my cheek. He moved for my lips but I pulled away from him. He let out a breath and stood up.

"I think I should leave." He said.

"Alright. Feel free to come around whenever you like. I still want to see you, but I can understand if you don't want to see me. Whatever you choose, I want you to know that for those few months we were together, it was magical for me. Thank you for taking me to your home, letting me meet your family, and loving me. I'm just sorry it wasn't enough." I winced at the last line. I didn't want it to sound harsh or anything, but once again that was the truth. He gave me a weak smile.

"So am I," he said, and then he was gone. I sat on my bed and stared at the wall for a long moment. That was it. Edward and I were no longer together, the great epic love story that was supposed to be our life had come to a dramatic end. I thought back to when we first met, how odd he was. When I found out he was a vampire I found that I didn't care. I liked the fact that he was different, mysterious in a dangerous way. It made me feel special that a supernatural being such as himself could ever want me. I was amazed by how well he and his family fit in with humans. My error was that I mistook their efforts to maintain some sort of humanity as proof that they were just like humans. What I thought was love was actually a predator/prey relationship. He controlled and manipulated me and I let him. I trapped myself by coming on to him. Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if I had never met Edward, of if I had turned away from him after that first day of school. Would Jacob and I have gotten together? Would we be married by now? Would we have kids? Would we be happy? Would I be happy? All of these questions that could never be answered filled my head. There were so many possibilities without Edward, so many I had given up.

_Now I have to start over_. I thought. Now that Edward was gone, I got my life back. I didn't have all of the same choices that I would have if I hadn't affiliated with Edward, but I would have choices. I smiled at the thought and went downstairs to prepare the ingredients for dinner.

_~Redeem~_

I taught Charlie how to make tacos because it was something that required little cooking skills. He was a little more confident which made things go a little smoother.

"These taste wonderful dad, you did a great job." I told him. He blushed and looked down at his plate.

"Thanks Bella. How was your day today?" He asked casually.

"It was good. I talked to Jacob today." I said. Charlie looked at me hesitantly.

"Oh? How did it go?"

"It went better than I expected. He said it would take some time, but he could begin to forgive me. We talked about our lives and how we've both changed and decided we needed to get to know each other again." I worded my response carefully and made sure there was nothing he use to inquire about my past.

"That's great Bells. I'm glad you two talked things out." Charlie said. I looked down at my plate and felt a sting in my chest. I didn't like lying to Charlie. He was always honest with me and always looking out for me, I couldn't just keep lying to him. I knew he would want to know the truth about what happened to me and things would be so much easier if I told him. I needed more time to tell him, but I didn't want to wait to long, it would only worsen the blow. _ Tomorrow, I'll tell him tomorrow. I'll use the day to prep myself at work and then after dinner I'll tell him. _I resolved. I took a deep breath and continued to eat. Charlie had gotten a lot more talkative as we spent more time together. He would fill me in on what happened at the station and what he and Billy were planning and all sorts of other things without much encouragement from me. After we finished eating and I washed the dishes I decided to turn in. I'd had a long day and all I wanted to do was go to sleep. I put on my pajamas and opened my window for Jacob before plopping down onto the bed, not realizing how tired I was until my head hit the pillow.

_~Redeem~_

I woke up the next morning to a grey, weeping sky and yawned. I hadn't slept so well in what seemed like forever. I stretched my hand out next to me to see if Jacob was there, but my hands met a very warm spot of sheets. I was disheartened to see that he wasn't there, but happy he stopped by. I went downstairs only to find that Charlie wasn't home either. I sighed and went through my morning routine before making my way to the Book Garden.

"Good morning," I said to Laura as I walked in. She and I were always the first to arrive. Laura returned the greeting with smile. We went through the shelves to make sure everything was in order before we got our books and sat down by the waterfall. After a few moments of silence, Laura spoke up.

"Didn't see you yesterday, anything interesting happening?" She asked casually.

"I didn't have work yesterday, it was Saturday." I said.

"I know but you usually stop by, I was just wondering if you talked to the young man you told me about." She asked, her eyes never leaving her book. I blushed a little and shut my book.

"Yes, as a matter a fact I did." She finally tore her eyes away from her book.

"And?"

"We're going to try to work things out. He said we needed to get to know each other again because we both changed over the years."

"Well that's great news!" Her eyes lit up and I couldn't help but smile.

"So when will I be meeting this young man?" She asked with one eyebrow arched.

"He said he would try and come by today. " I said, I still wasn't completely sure he could make it. I knew he was busy. She gave me a smile and then returned to her book without responding. The first customer, Rob Thompson, came in at 9:15 sharp every morning. He always ordered a coffee with two creamers and two sugars and a blueberry muffin before going to work. He was the silent type, only speaking to order and leaving once he had finished, but he was never grumpy. He was just more of an observer than a talker. Once he left the twins and Hope walked in.

"Morning Bella." Hope said as she walked past me to get a coffee from the café.

"Hey Bella!" The twins said with perfect synchronization.

"Hey guys." I smiled. They were the only people that could be this excited at nine in the morning. We all sat around and talked for two hours. I was surprised no one had come in except for Rob. Finally around eleven thirty we got our first customer. She looked around the store, taking in the scenery, before searching the shelves for a book. A few minutes later we got two more customers. More and more people started to come in, and our little group talk session was over.

As the day dragged on I got more and more anxious. I was nervous about telling Charlie about my past. I knew it was irrational, but that didn't stop the butterflies in my stomach. I didn't know how he would react to what I told him. What if he yelled at me for being reckless and not telling him when I got out of the hospital? Maybe he would give me that look of pity that rape victims usually get for the rest of my life. I don't know. Of course there is also the chance that he will be understanding and glad that I told him. This was the most rational outcome in reality, but in my mind it seemed outrageous. The only other thing, or should I say person, that was on my mind was Jacob. I really wanted him to see the Book Garden and meet everybody. This place has become such a big part of my life as the "new Bella" and if we were going to get re-acquainted with each other he was going to have to stop by. I got so sidetracked by my thoughts of Jacob; I barely noticed when David walked in. His arms snaking around my waist brought me back to reality.

"Hey David." I turned in his arms and hugged him.

"Hey Izzy." That was the nickname he had come up with for me. I told him it wasn't very original and he went on to explain how the name held character. He's been calling me that ever since and for some reason I always turn when he does. He noticed the slight frown that always makes an appearance when my nickname does and laughed.

"You'll get used to it someday. You just wait and see." He said. I rolled my eyes and went to the register to help this woman.

"Sure, sure." The old phrase slipped through my lips before I had a chance to catch it. I blushed a little as Jacob came rushing back into my mind. It was already nine, we would be closing in an hour and Jacob still hadn't come. When nine thirty hit I gave up hope, and didn't bother to lift my eyes as I heard the front door chime. I just kept reading my book until I felt someone in front of the register. I sighed and put a marked my page.

"Hello." I said, still not looking at the customer.

"Hey." My heart stuttered and I looked up to find Jacob standing there in all his glory.

"Jake, you came!" I leaned across the counter and wrapped my arms around his neck, probably giving him the most uncomfortable hug of his life.

"Yeah, I said I would." He whispered in my ear and set me down. I went around the counter and took his hand. We stood there looking at each other. I had a stupid grin on my face and after seeing it a smile appeared on Jacob's face. While we were standing there the twins walked up and interrupted the moment.

"Hey Bella, who is this?" They asked. I opened my mouth but my voice had taken a vacation and left me standing there with my mouth open like an idiot. Luckily Jacob was there to smooth over my epic fail, no doubt putting this incident in his memory bank to use against me.

"Hi, I'm Jacob, Bella's friend. " He said with that charming smile he likes to wear and put an arm around my shoulders.

"Oh cool, I'm Tristan."

"And I'm Tyler."

"Jesus, I'm gonna have a hard time remembering that." Jacob said. They laughed and nodded.

"It's cool man, we're used to it. Besides, when people get the names right it takes all of the fun out of the day." Tyler said. The next person to introduce herself was Hope. She heard us talking and walked by, settling with a simple, " I'm Hope" and then went back to whatever she was listening to on her iPod. Jacob looked at me with an eyebrow raised.

"That's just how Hope does things. She's kind of in her own world sometimes, and when she is she is not to be disturbed." I explained.

"That's an understatement," Tristan cut in, "One time she came in completely off in space muttering something about Red Woods and Sequoias speaking to her and telling her their troubles. She went on for the whole day like that, eyes glazed over and everything."

"Yeah, and the creepy thing is she couldn't remember ever doing it the next day." Ty said and then turned to Tristan. " Maybe she was possessed or something?" He suggested.

"She is not possessed. She's just a little weird." I said.

"Oh sure, secretly I think she's an alien robot" Ty's said with a playful expression on his face.

"Hey Izzy what do you think about-" David stopped speaking once he saw Jacob. The tension in the room suddenly grew as they both stared each other down. David's eyes carried an emotion that I couldn't quite read, but upon seeing it Jacob's features hardened. After a minute of them sizing one another up I decided to cut it.

"David, this is my friend Jacob." I said, hoping to bring down the escalating levels of testosterone. After a few more seconds of staring David extended his hand and I let out a silent breath of relief.

"I'm David." He said as they shook hands. I could tell Jacob was holding in an unkind remark, but he pushed it down smiled.

"Hey." Jake said and then returned his hand to his side. Now that the introduction was over the tension began to grow again. Then just when you thought things couldn't get more awkward than they already were… they did. Laura came back from re-shelving books and stopped when she saw Jacob. But the expression on her face when she saw Jacob was not the one I was expecting. It was a look of anger.

"This is the boy you've been telling me about? He's the one you've been stressing over?" Laura said incredulously. I had never seen Laura angry before.

"Umm," I said, embarrassed by her comment. I looked up at Jake and saw that his expression was somber.

"Well I don't know why you wasted your time on someone like him. Likes to break young bright girls like you. Make 'em think their so special and then cheat on them." Laura said, her voice acidic. I looked to Jacob again, silently conveying my question. "What's going on?"

"Remember when I told you about Sally. The misunderstanding we had." He said. Realization crossed my face as I began to realize why Laura was so angry. Sally was Laura's daughter.

"Misunderstanding, is that what they're calling it now?" Laura asked hotly. Silence fell upon the bookstore as Laura and Jacob now stared at each other. Jacob's eyes silently pleaded with Laura to believe him.

"I didn't cheat on your daughter. She thought I did and I never got to talk to her and explain everything. It was just a tribal thing that I couldn't tell her about, I never meant to hurt her."

"Well you did hurt her. And there should have been no reason to be suspicious of you being unfaithful in the first place." She paused and looked at her watch.

"It's past closing time, excuse me." She said as she went into the lounge to gather her things, every one else silently following. David stood between the shelves he emerged from, with a small smile. I glared at him and it quickly fell. I took Jacob's hand and led him out of the bookstore, not needing to get anything from the lounge. When we got to the parking lot I didn't see his car so I assumed that he ran here. We both got in and just sat for a moment.

"Your house or mine?" I finally asked.

"Mine." He said and I started up the car. The ride was silent, an effect of the tense conversation at the Book Garden. It was one of the longest rides I have ever endured. I was worried that out time together would be much like the ride to his house, awkward and quiet, but once we passed the threshold of his house all of the restive feelings from earlier were whisked away. We both went to the couch. Jake turned on the TV and flipped through a few channels until he settled on some old action movie that he knew neither of us would watch. Nevertheless, we tried to watch it, but after the first five minutes he pulled me into his side and put his arm around my shoulders. After that I was focused on him. I decided now was a good time to tell him about Edward's visit and about Charlie. I wasn't exactly sure how to start the conversation so I jumped right into it.

"I didn't tell Edward." I said, trying to sound breezy. Jacob looked at me with the same hard expression he wore whenever Edward was brought up.

"Oh? What did you tell him you were doing while you were away then?" He asked.

"He didn't ask." Jacob raised a questioning eyebrow.

"I know it didn't make sense. We actually got in an argument." Jacob stayed quiet and waited for me to continue.

As I recounted my argument with Edward I found that Jacob was not surprised by Edward's reaction. He did get a little angry when I mentioned Edward accusing me about marrying him for sex, and was happy about me ending it with him. But there was no surprise when I mentioned Edward's slightly darker side.

"Why aren't you reacting?" I asked curiously.

"What do you mean?" He asked

"I mean that you aren't nearly as surprised as I was when I told you Edward started yelling at me."

"I know, but I always knew he was like that. He's shown how nasty he can be plenty of times, just not when you're around or when you're aware of it. He knew that you thought he was perfect and wanted to keep it that way."

"When did you find this out?" I asked. I couldn't recall a time when Edward and Jacob were ever alone with each other.

"When you were grounded after you came back from Italy, particularly around the time that you started to contact me with your notes. He requested a meeting at the treaty line with me. Told me to stay away from you. He said that you would never be interested in a filthy mutt like me with him around. I told him he could never be sure and he said he could always be sure you would never leave. Something about him naturally attracting humans. He started rambling on about his eyes, his looks and his smell and I left." He said.

"Why didn't' you tell me?" I couldn't believe he had withheld this information from me. Surely it would have changed my mind, or at least opened my eyes to what Edward was really like. It would have been a good thing for Jake, so why would he not tell me?

"Would you have believed me? You were always stubborn, still are, but you thought he was so perfect. Every time I brought up something he did wrong you always told me if I didn't start respecting him you'd leave." My eyes were now cast downward. I was guilty. I wouldn't have believed him. I would have passed it off as him trying to paint Edward in a bad light to push Edward out of the picture. Now, after seeing Edward's other side, I see how typhlotic I had been. Jacob, seeing the realization crossing my face, kissed my hair.

"I know that it wasn't entirely your fault, he manipulated you, but you have to know how frustrating it was for me to watch you go back to him every time he messed up. I knew that if I said something to you about our meeting you would turn away from me, and I couldn't bear that." I nodded into his side. I wish I could have been smarter, it would have saved both of us a lot of trouble. I took his hand and laced our fingers together. I stared at our joined hands for a long moment. Why couldn't I see how right this felt years ago?

"I should have seen it. I should have been more aware of what was going on. Because I was so blinded I not only hurt you, but I hurt myself. I wish I could go back to when things were simpler. When it was just you and me and nothing else. No vampires or werewolves. It would have made things so much easier." I said. There was a long pause before Jacob spoke.

"Yeah, it would have. But lets not dwell on the past, because right now the future seems to be much brighter." I looked up to meet his warm eyes and smiled.

"When did you get to be so wise?" I asked him.

"I don't know, I guess it comes with being so good looking." He said and I rolled my eyes.

"You wish Black."

"Oh don't pretend that you aren't into this." He ran a hand down his body and waggled his eyebrows and I laughed.

"You're an idiot." I stated.

"Yeah, but I'm your idiot Bells. You're stuck with me."

"I can always take you back and get a refund." I said and he snorted.

"Where did you get me from, the boy-toy section in Target?

"Of course, you were on sale for $19.95." He put a hand over his heart and shook his head.

"I'm only worth twenty bucks to you. I'm hurt." He said with his bottom lip sticking out. In that moment I was so tempted to kiss his supple lips and take that adorable pout off of his face, but once again that might complicate things. So as a substitute I held his chin and kissed him on the cheek. His breath caught and I could tell without looking at him that he was no longer smiling. I kissed his upper jaw and dragged my lips lightly up his skin, making a line from his jaw to his ear.

"You mean more to me than you could ever know." I whispered. I pulled back to see his eyes closed and traced his face with my index finger. I ran my finger through the wrinkles in his forehead, under his eyes, and around his nose. When I got to his lips I lingered there. His lips were soft and so beautiful. I remembered the way they tasted long ago and wondered if they still had the same sweet, earthy taste. I yearned to feel his lips gently applying pressure to mine as he did when we were younger. I traced his upper lip twice and as I was circling his lower lip I felt his warm hand stop mine. His eyes were now open and teeming with emotions. He kissed my hand but gazed longingly at my lips and began to move closer. I knew that if I didn't do something we might mess things up, so I brought up the one topic that would guarantee a reaction.

"I'm going to tell Charlie tomorrow." Jacob met my eyes once more and pulled back. I could see the disappointment and understanding in his eyes as his face moved away from mine.

"Are you sure?" he asked me.

"I thought you wanted me to tell Charlie." I said confused.

"I think it's a good idea, but I don't want you to feel rushed into anything."

"I'm positive. He deserves to know what's been going on with me. I should have told him when I got out of the hospital." I knew it was going to be hard to tell the story again, but after telling Jake I knew it wouldn't have as much of an effect on me. Telling Jake had made me stronger, and telling Charlie will do the same.

"Do you want me to be with you?" Jake asked. I hadn't thought about that before… why hadn't I thought of that? It would definitely make things easier for me and I'm sure Charlie wouldn't mind Jake being at the house.

"Would you?" I asked hopefully, and looked up at him. My bottom lip was once again captured between my teeth.

"Of course. I'll do anything I can to make you more comfortable." He said. He then reached up and swept his thumb across my bottom lip, giving it freedom of my teeth. I smiled and snuggled into his side as we continued to watch the worst action movie known to man.

**I know, it's a weird place to end a chapter but I really just wanted to get this out. My classes got so much harder my second semester and I can barely find time to write. March may be a dry season for this story, meaning I probably won't get another chapter out but I will be working on one. When April hits and I'm on spring break I will do my absolute best to get a few chapters out to you guys. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Leave a review please! **

**-ladybug82896**


	7. Damage Control

**Damage Control**

Bella's POV

Work the next day was an awkward affair. The only time Laura talked to me the entire day was when she gave out the new work hours. She had hired a few new people and therefore everyone had assigned hours instead of having to work entire days or half days. Everyone's shift was a good five to six hours but it was better than the 8:00-10:00 fourteen hour shift.

The few new people she hired were students that went to the new community college. Well, "new" I suppose is an exaggeration. The construction for the college started before I'd left, but it had been finished about a year after I'd fled, making it new to me. Ben, Sarah, Jeff, Brittany, Monica, Brianna and Cindy were now apart of our staff. I was grateful that I now got a full weekend off, but it hurt me somewhat not being able to talk to Laura. She was not angry with me as far as I could tell. She just needed her space. _She'll talk to me soon enough._ I told myself.

For the entire day I immersed myself in my work. I did my best to concentrate on where books were supposed to be, re-shelving items, and helping customers. I didn't want to think about the conversation I was to be having with Charlie once I got off of work. I was ordering a full case of the book _Hush, Hush_ when Jacob called me. He had dropped me off at work but we had agreed last night that he shouldn't come inside the store until Laura had cooled down and I could talk to her. I made sure someone was there to replace me and left.

Jacob was outside leaning against the Rabbit. He had on dark jeans and an Oasis shirt on. His hair was growing out again, though it was still pretty short. He was looking away, but I could see he was wearing a pair of black Aviator sunglasses, most likely because of the unusually nice weather. I stood and admired him for minute; it only seemed fair, as I never really got the chance to before. I had given him a quick once over when we bumped into each other in the parking lot and again once I had confessed to him my whereabouts for the past four years, but never like this. There was no fear of his anger or revelation in his maturity while I was in distress. This was my chance to "check him out" properly. My eyes had just begun to wander to his broad shoulders and expansive chest when he turned around and smiled.

"What are you doing Bells?"

"Watching you." I should have used a different word, admire maybe. To say I was "watching" him sounds weird.

"Are you stalking people now Bells?" He asked with his eyebrows raised in amusement.

"No. Just you. I have a secret shrine of pictures of you in my room."

"Should I be worried?" He asked and I stepped off of the sidewalk and walked over to the Rabbit.

"Not until I get my new camera." I winked and got in the car.

_~Redeem~_

When we arrived at Charlie's my palms grew sweaty. The television could be heard from the car and I knew he was home. There was so much I hadn't said to him about my life in the month and a half I had been here. Had I wasted too much time worrying about myself? Would he be hurt that I hadn't told him right away? I looked out the window down the road we had just come from. It would be easy to just turn around and wait until another day to tell him. He didn't know I was home yet, he didn't know what I had planned on telling him. It could wait until another day, until I was ready. A warm hand clasped mine and took me away from my thoughts. Jacob was looking at me with that all knowing expression on his face and squeezed my hand.

"You don't have to do this if you don't want to Bella. If you don't think you're ready we can leave."

"You don't think I should tell him yet?" I asked quietly.

"I think you should tell him. I think it's important Charlie knows what happened because he's your father and he loves you, but my first concern will always be you. If you really can't do this I'll put the car in gear and we can go to my house and hang out. You don't have to do this until _you_ feel that you're ready."

Once again I looked down the road we had come from. It was my escape way, it had been far to many times the road away from my problems and I was determined to stand strong today. I looked back at the house and pictured Charlie when he first opened that door a month and a half ago. I remembered how I was scared to go into the house, just like I was now because I thought he would be angry. I remember how instead of yelling at me he embraced me because he was just happy I had come home. I remembered the countless times before that he had done everything in his power to see me when I was a little girl and how broken he was to see me depressed when Edward left me. I knew that he was my dad, and I knew that he loved me. He didn't keep secrets from me, and I wanted to give him that same respect.

"No, no I'm going in." I got out of the car and used opened the door. I knew Jacob was behind me because I heard the door being closed and relaxed just a little. At least I didn't have to go through all of this completely alone.

"Hey Bells." Charlie said. He was sitting down in his chair in front of the television watching baseball.

"Oh hey Jacob, sorry I didn't see you there."

"Hey Charlie."

"Umm dad I'm going to go make dinner." I said.

"Do you want me to help?" I knew right away he didn't want to. There was a game on he probably didn't want to miss.

"No, it's okay. I think you deserve a day off." I made my way into the kitchen and pulled out the ingredients to make chili-cheese hot dogs. Jacob silently followed me and helped me prepare the chili. I was grateful for the silence. Talking would only make the nerves worse. Standing next to Jacob and concentrating on making dinner relaxed me more than any conversation ever would. Once dinner was done I called Charlie and we all sat down to eat.

"These are really good Bells, maybe you can show me how to make these sometime." Charlie said after we began eating.

"Sure dad, the chili is really the only challenging part. The hot dogs you only have to boil." I said, trying not to let on how uneasy I was. Jacob chuckled a little.

"Billy told me you were cooking Charlie, it must be going well considering the house is still in tact." He looked at me and I smiled thankfully. Leave it to Jacob to lighten the mood.

"You tell your old man to stop talking about me like I'm a senile grandpa. I can make quite a few things now. Besides, I thought you would be happy about Bella not having to come home and cook for me anymore. Gives you more time to try and take my daughter's innocence, or whatever it is you two do when you're… alone." Charlie's eyebrows raised and I almost choked on my food. Jacob busted out laughing and I put my head in my hands to hide my embarrassment. I could have told him that my innocence had already been taken, but frankly I was far to embarrass and that wasn't a conversation I wanted to get into yet.

"I promise Charlie I would never try to "steal Bella's innocence". We just hang out, but you're right, I do like spending extra time with her." I could tell Jacob was trying not to laugh as he quoted Charlie and my cheeks grew even redder.

"Oh it's okay kiddo. You're an adult now; I understand that sex is a part of a young person's life. How do you think you were made?" Charlie sounded like he was reading straight from a parental magazine.

"Oh my god! Dad can we not talk about this right now?" I said, horrified. He shrugged and went right back to his food. I was beginning to think Charlie and I were getting too close. Talking about sex used to be an uncomfortable situation for both of us, now it seemed like Charlie was completely okay with the topic while I was not. In spite of myself I couldn't help but smile. Charlie and I had come a long way as far as our relationship goes. When I came here during high school we never really talked or hung out, now we talked at least twice a day and we were much more comfortable with each other. That effortless relationship we have gained since my return is what I was scared would go away once I told him everything, but seeing how easy it was to talk to him and how comfortable he was with me, I knew that everything would be okay. While the next few days may be awkward, I was confident that we would be able to work through them and get back to this happy state we are in now.

For the rest of dinner Dad and Jacob talked about some Mariners game that was on yesterday. I would have to thank Jacob later for keeping Charlie busy while I gathered my thoughts. I knew what I had to tell him, that wasn't the problem. The problem was figuring out how much of my story I was going to tell him and what I could leave out without feeling like I wasn't telling him everything he needed to know. It's not like I could just say:_ Hey dad I was raped for two years, fixed myself up for the last two, and then came back. Now lets watch some baseball and talk about your day._

This conversation had to be planned so I could tell him everything he needed to know quickly and accurately before I broke down. I wasn't going to tell him everything I told Jacob simply because there are some things a father doesn't need, or want to know about his daughter. I'm sure he wouldn't be opposed to me weeding out some of the more vulgar and grotesque details. I quickly got my thoughts in order and put my plate in the dishwasher. When everyone had adjourned to the living room, Charlie and Jacob on the couch and me on the loveseat, I looked over at Charlie. That was my mistake.

My chest tightened automatically and my heart pounded in my chest. The nerves that I had kept in check up until then had burst through the many barriers I put up and were going crazy inside my body. All of the unwanted thoughts from earlier poured into my mind, and in my moment of weakness I sank back into the loveseat.

"Hey Bells, do we have any ice cream?" Jacob asked, his eyes tentative. He knew, of course he knew. I nodded.

"Cool, I'm going to go get some if that's alright. Do you want some Charlie?"

"Sure, that sounds pretty good." I panicked for a moment as I saw Jacob get up from his seat on the couch and make his way toward the kitchen. For a moment I thought he was leaving me alone with Charlie to talk things over and the nerves got worse. Before Jacob got to the kitchen he looked back at me and raised his eyebrows, only then did I understand.

"I think I'm going to go help Jacob." I said. I heard Charlie mumble something, but based off of our conversation during dinner I was pretty sure I didn't want to know what he'd said. When I entered the kitchen I ran over to the sink and leaned over it, thinking I was going to throw up. When nothing happened I turned around and saw Jacob standing a few feet away. He slowly came over and encompassed my face with his hands, looked directly into my eyes.

"Bella, I know that you're freaking out right now, but you don't have anything to worry about." His thumb was rubbing my cheek and his tone was gentle.

"I have a hundred things to worry about Jacob. There's so many ways that this conversation could go wrong." My voice shook and I could feel my eyes water.

"You're right. Charlie could take what you're about to tell him badly, but deep down you know that he won't. He does this for a living Bella. He's seen some pretty bad things in his line of work and he knows how to handle what you have to tell him. On top of that he loves you. You should see the look he gets on his face when he's talking about you. You have his unconditional love and respect, don't ever doubt that." I nodded and Jacob pulled me into a tight hug. I closed my eyes and let Jacob's words sink in for a moment. _I can do this_. I thought. And in that moment I knew that I could.

"Thank you Jake." I said into his chest. I felt Jacob kiss my hair.

"Go get 'em tiger," he whispered. He let me go and I walked back into the living room while he "got the ice cream".

The baseball game and gone off and now Charlie was fully engrossed in some nature show. I think it was Planet Earth. When Charlie saw me he looked up at me and smiled.

"Back already?"

"Yeah, Jake made me sit back down, but there was actually something I wanted to talk to you about." I sat down next to him on the couch.

"What is it Bells?" He asked, his eyebrows now furrowed with worry. I took a deep breath to calm myself before I started.

"I haven't been honest about what happened while I was gone. What I told you is what I tell most people, but it isn't the truth. I know I should have told you this a long time ago, and I'm sorry. But I think it's time I come clean." He didn't say anything, but I knew I had his full attention.

"After I left here I went to Phoenix, that part is true. I was staying in a small motel and spent about a month and a half there before I was ready to come home. The night before I planned to drive back I was walking home at night and came across a woman struggling against a man in an alleyway. I hit the man over the head with a bat but once she got away he went for me and I just wasn't fast enough. I blacked out and woke up in a house. He kept me there for two years. He, and on occasion another man, raped me. I made my escape sometime after the two-year mark, but my captor shot me in the back just as I made it to safety. Apparently he went to jail, I haven't heard any word on the friend though. I woke up in the hospital a few days later and once I was released in signed up for therapy. Trudy, my therapist, helped me for two years until I decided I could come back to face you all. I did go to college, but it was online college and I'm still not done yet." The silence that followed my story was deafening. When I looked over at him I found him staring at the ground. He had paled and sat completely still as he took in what I had told him. After a few minutes he opened his mouth to speak, but he promptly closed it again.

"Bella…I… are you okay?" He said once he had gathered his thoughts. His response brought tears to my eyes. He wasn't yelling at me because I had lied to him or chastising me for not telling him right away. His first response was asking about me, and that warmed my heart.

"I'm getting better every day, soon I'm sure I'll be able to fully move past it." He nodded and then looked at me for a long moment before he spoke again.

"Thank you… for telling me. While I wish you had told me as soon as it happened, I understand that you may not have been ready to tell me everything. That being said, next time something happens to you that holds the potential to change you or your life, whether it is good or bad, I would really appreciate it if you would tell me. I don't care if you can only give me a general description of what is happening or has happened to you; I need to know what you're going through. Not necessarily right away, but sometime before two years have passed." I let out a breath of relief.

"I think that sounds pretty reasonable." I said with a small smile.

"Good… good. Now give your old man a hug." We both smiled and I gave him a tight hug. And just like that we were back to normal. Sure there was an awkward silence for a moment or two, but there was no drastic change. Jacob came back in with three bowls of vanilla ice cream right cue.

The night passed much more quickly without worry over my talk with Charlie looming over my head. I was able to completely relax and laugh with Charlie and Jacob about some old pictures of the Blacks and the Swans. I was disheartened when ten o'clock rolled around and was tempted to push my luck and try to stay up until eleven, but I knew that if I didn't go to sleep soon I would be much to tired to get up and go to work the next day, as did Charlie.

"Alright, I think it's time for all of us to turn in," he said. We were getting up and I was about to walk Jacob to the door when Charlie called him back.

"Jacob, can I talk to you for a minute?" My eyebrows furrowed in confusion as Jacob walked over. I stood by the door for a few moments (very stupidly I might add) before I decided to sit down and wait for them to stop talking. A few minutes later when they walked out of the kitchen, which I guess was serving as the official secret conversation spot for today, they were both smiling.

"Well goodnight son, and uhh thanks." Charlie said as he patted Jacob on the back.

"No problem Chief. See you later." Jacob made his way to the door with me closely behind. Once we were safely outside he turned to me and I shot him a questioning look.

"What?" he asked, feigning innocence.

"Don't 'what' me, you know what."

"Sorry, I don't know what you're talking about," he said with a smirk.

"Jacob, come on." I was putting on my best "I'm serious" face, but all it did was make him laugh.

"No Bells. He asked me not to tell you." I raised one eyebrow at his response.

"No," he said again.

"Come on Jake don't make me beg," I said.

"Actually I wouldn't mind seeing that," He laughed.

"It doesn't even have to be detailed, just give me the gist of your conversation." I was secretly crossing my fingers, hopping he would say yes. I don't like secrets, which when you think about it, goes hand in hand with my dislike of surprises.

"You." Was all he said and I gave a sigh of frustration.

"What," he asked, "I gave you what you asked for."

"Yes, but you knew I would want to know more. Who wouldn't want to know what people were saying about them, especially when the two individuals talking were so secretive about what they were saying." I glared at him.

"It's your own fault really, if you hadn't asked you wouldn't know it was about you and you wouldn't feel this burning desire to know what we were talking about." I was about to counter that with a fairly good argument of "That's not true," when he stopped me.

"Now, lets talk about you. How are you?" I sighed in defeat, silently promising to bring up the topic again.

"I'm alright I guess." The wind picked up and blew a few strands of hair into my face, which Jacob smoothed back behind my ear. I shuddered internally, not wanting to give away how much his gentle touch really affected me.

"How'd it go?"

"It went well enough. I didn't tell him everything I told you, but I told him enough. I didn't completely break down this time, which I guess is a good thing. After I told him he was… surprised, but he didn't yell at me or anything." I stopped and looked at Jacob, his silence encouraging me to continue.

"The first thing he asked me was if I was okay. It really took me off guard. I mean of course after that he asked me not to keep any secrets that big from him but the fact that his initial response was to ask about me made me realize how stupid I've been in thinking anything different would happen."

"I knew you could do it, and now he knows. That's one less person you have to keep a secret from."

"Yeah, yeah you were right," I said and he smiled.

"What can I say, I have my moments."

"If only you had more of them," I sighed and then laughed when he poked me in the side as a sign of protest. I saw the porch light turn off above my head and we both laughed at Charlie's subtlety.

"Alright, I think your dad is getting a bit antsy. For all he knows I could be out here stealing your virtue." My cheeks grew red as he referred to my dad's previous outburst and I gave him a slight push.

"Shut up Black," I said, and we both started laughing. He smoothed my hair behind my ear again and kissed me on the forehead. I wrapped my arms around his midsection and he hugged me tightly.

"See you tomorrow?" I asked tentatively.

"Definitely." He answered. I stood on the porch and watched the Rabbit drive away with a smile on my face. This day had taken a drastic turn for the better. I only hoped the same would happen tomorrow.

_~Redeem~_

I sighed as I walked into work at 7:45 the next day. After I put my things in the lounge I went and got my book to meet Laura at our spot. Yesterday I didn't have a morning shift so we didn't get to sit and read, which may have been a good thing. I think she needed some space. I sat down and read for a few minutes, but I couldn't pay attention to the words on the page when there was tension between Laura and I. She had become a rather close friend of mine, and I didn't want us to have any problems. So I put my book down and looked at her until she brought her head up from her own book and looked at me.

"Laura, we should talk." She looked down for a minute and placed her book on the small table next to mine.

"Yes, I suppose we should."

"I know what happened, between Jacob and Sally. He told me what he had been doing the day before he came in here. I know that it looks really bad but—" I didn't even have time to finish before she cut me off.

"You believe him?" She asked incredulously.

"Yes, I do." Her mouth was pressed into a tight line as if to hold back words she so desperately wanted to say.

"I know he is telling the truth. He went through the same thing with me before I left. It's a tribal secret, that's why he can't tell anybody. His father even vouched for him as well as the Elders, who are the council in La Push. It really wasn't his fault." I couldn't tell if she believed me or not, which is why I added in the council and his father. I didn't want there to be bad blood between Jacob and Laura, because they were both important to me. Laura was a good friend me, and Jacob; well there is no description that can accurately describe our relationship. Laura seemed to think about what I said and then asked, "If this is some tribal thing why was he getting naked?"

"Was he completely naked or was his shirt just taken off?" If his shirt was taken off I could easily say that they painted his chest during the tribal ceremony he was going to, or something like that. If he had gotten completely naked… I didn't know what I could say but it would most likely be pretty stupid.

"His shirt was just taken off." _Thank you God._

"The men have their chests painted during the tribal ceremony." I said with ease. I could see in her eyes that she believed me and for a moment I felt bad for lying. But this wasn't my secret to tell.

"Alright, if you trust him, I suppose I'll leave you two be. But be careful Bella, I don't want to see you get hurt. You're a very bright young girl. It would be a shame if it all of your talent and potential went to waste over some boy, so use your head." I smiled, touched that she was thinking about me and we shared a small hug.

The rest of the day went much better than the last one had. I got to talking with some of the new employees and the twins, Hope, and I welcomed them into our "work family". David stopped by near the end of my shift, but something about him was different.

"Hey Bella," he said.

"I see you've finally agreed to retire that horrid nick name." I said as I re-shelved some books.

"For today Swan. Hey umm what was up with that guy?" he asked me.

"What guy? Jacob?"

"Yeah." I turned around and looked at him.

"Nothing was up with him." I said in a tone that could only be described as defensive. David put his hands up and said, "Whoa, I was just asking if he was your boyfriend."

"Not exactly." I said, hating that I couldn't call Jacob my boyfriend… yet.

"But you want him to be." I guess Jacob wasn't the only one that could see right through me. Was I really that easy to read?

"Umm… well…yeah." I looked down and blushed at the admission. I wasn't embarrassed about liking Jacob or anything— I mean what girl in their right mind wouldn't want Jacob as their boyfriend— I just didn't like sharing such personal information. It made me feel like I was in middle school and every one found out I had a crush on some guy.

"I see," Only after David turned on his heel and walked out of the store did I register his disappointed expression.

_~Redeem~_

I got off of work at four and started to drive to Jacob's house when I realized he would probably be at work. While I still really wanted to see Jacob, I didn't think showing up at his job would be such a great idea. Most of the pack would probably be there and I was pretty sure not all of them were as forgiving as Embry, Seth, Quil, and Jacob were. I didn't want to cause any problems for Jacob, and going to the Pack Mechanics would do just that. I sighed and turned the truck around to head home.

_Once I got home I decided to take a shower and then take a short nap. Nobody was home and work had tired me out. I had expected the shower to be relaxing. You know, hot water running down your back and relaxing your muscles and all that jazz, but five minutes in I got this strange feeling that someone else was in the house. I stepped out of the shower, leaving the water running, and wrapped a towel around me. A few moments later I heard the creak of a board. The intruder either didn't know, or forgot about the creak in the last step before the landing. I quickly locked the bathroom door and reached for my phone. I didn't want to call 911 just yet. I wasn't entirely sure someone was in the house. I waited a few more minutes and relaxed when I didn't hear any more noises. I shut off the water and listened for a moment just to make sure the water wasn't masking any sounds and let out a breath. _

_BANG!_

_I jumped at the loud noise. Someone was banging on the door! There was someone inside the house! I could hear my heart beat noisily in my chest as the intruder banged on the door again and again. My eyes widened in horror as I realized the hinges were loosening. I hurriedly dialed 911 but that did no good. The intruder had cut the phone lines. I tried to get my cell out of the pocket in my jeans but when I finally got it out I realized I had no signal. I started to panic as the door started to come off of its hinges. I scrambled into the tub in a spot hidden by the shower curtain and curled into a ball. As the door came closer to coming off the banging got louder and more forceful. I closed my eyes in fear but quickly opened them when I realized that would make me even more vulnerable. I tried to breath deeply and quietly so I wouldn't give myself away._

_The splintering of wood and the clink of the metal hinges on the bathroom floor made my heart beat even faster. I heard large, heavy footsteps coming toward the shower curtain. I closed my eyes again and the footsteps stopped right by the shower. It was silent for a long moment as I tried to conceal my breathing. Then the curtains where whipped back and I looked up into the face of my intruder. I looked up only to find myself face to face with Ryan._

I woke with a start, breathing heavily and looking around franticly to take in my surroundings. I was at home, but I was in my room already dressed in the clothes I had set out as makeshift pajamas.

"Bad dream?" A velvety voice came from the side of the room. I jumped at the sound. I looked over into the dark corner to find Edward. The fact that he was in here watching me made my skin crawl just as it had in my dream. There had in fact been someone else in the house.

"Edward, what are you doing here?" I asked, still on edge from my dream.

"Oh I was just popping in to see how you were." He started to walk forward into the dim light in my room.

"Edward, you can't just "pop in", you nearly scared me to death." I didn't fully understand why he was here in the first place. He didn't seem like he was going to come back after I officially ended things between us.

"Why can't I? Jacob just shows up and it never seems to bother you." He didn't even try to mask the jealousy in his voice.

"How did you know that?"

"Well for one his smell is all over the room, all over the bed, and all over you." I blushed a bit when I realized what he was implying, but noticed that he didn't answer my question.

"No, that's not an answer. You wouldn't know that he comes in through my window just from his scent, I could have invited him over. Have you been watching me Edward?" He didn't even have to answer me, I knew I was right.

"Just because we aren't together anymore doesn't meet I'm not going to protect you." I would have believed him, but his tone was off.

"No, that's not a real answer either, stop lying to me Edward." I looked him in the eye and then it dawned on me.

"You've been watching me to see what I do with Jacob." Edward's expression grew hard.

"What were you going to do Edward! If we started to get to close were you just going to hop in and stop us? Chastise me for being too intimate with a werewolf? Or were you just going to have a fight with Jacob and think that if you won I would come back to you. Because if any of those things were going through your mind I can tell you right now that none of them would work in your favor. Either way I would still be mad at you and either way I would still want you to leave." I couldn't believe that even after our break-up he still thought it was okay to invade my personal space. What was even more frustrating was that after I said all of that his only response was, "So you've been intimate with him?" I looked at him in disbelief.

"Get out, get out of my house right now." I pulled up the window and turned around to yell at him some more, but when I turned all I saw was his chest. He was literally an inch away from me, and it made me nervous. I had never seen Edward as a threat before, but standing in front of an open window with him an inch away from me was intimidating.

"Bella I…" He stopped for a moment and looked around. Was someone else outside the house?

"Bella you should come back to me. We were so good together. You know that I would do anything for you. If intimacy is what you want I can do that. If you need me to give you some space, I can do that too. I can't live without you."

"Edward, we talked about this. It's not intimacy or space I want from you. While those two things would have been great when we were together, promising them to me now is not going to make me come back to you." I tried to move away from the window but he trapped me with his arms on either side of my head.

"Bella, love, please come back. Anything you want I can give it to you. When are you going to see that we belong together."

"When are you going to see that we don't?" The dark gold in his eyes glinted and I grew still.

"Edward, what are you doing?" I asked as his hands wound around my waist. He pulled me to the side so we were both in front of the window. He began to move in closer and I realized what was about to happen.

"No, no Edward stop!" But it was too late. His lips overtook mine. I tried to wiggle from his grasp, but I couldn't move. I tried to push his face off of mine, but he wouldn't budge. I felt his tongue on my lower lip and then felt it push through my closed ones and invade my mouth. I yelled in displeasure as his tongue swept my own. I tried to push his face off of me once more, this time with more force, and he flew toward the other end of the room. At first I was freaked out. I thought I had gotten some sort of super strength, but after realizing that I wasn't living in a comic book despite all the mythical creatures, I looked around and found Jacob. Then it all made sense. Edward knew Jacob was outside and thought that I might actually come back to him. That's why he was looking around and that's why he kissed me in one last desperate attempt to show Jake that I would always be bound to him. He was wrong of course, but I was still angry with him.

"What the hell Edward!" I yelled, but he was already face to face with Jacob.

"Hey, hey, hold on now." I said as I got between them. I didn't want a fight to break out, especially not in my tiny room.

"What the fuck was that Cullen." Jacob growled next to me. I took his hand to calm him down.

"That was me trying to prove that she still loves me, you should know, I got the move from you." Jacob growled again and took a step toward Edward, but I held him back.

"I could kill you right now Cullen, and if we were alone I probably would. The only thing stopping me right now is the fact that Bella would probably hate me for it." I could tell that Jacob was angry and was trying to calm himself down, unfortunately so could Edward.

"I don't see why you're so angry. I overheard Bella at work—"

"You followed me to work!" Had he watched everything that happened to me. Was he there when I was explaining my situation to Charlie? Did he know what happened? He looked at me for a moment and then went back to what he was saying.

" I overheard Bella at work talking to a young fellow named David. I heard her tell him that you two weren't together, so I can't understand where you get the nerve to act like you are." My blood ran cold as Jacob looked at me and let go of my hand. His face was hard, but I could see the hurt in his eyes. He turned away from me and I opened my mouth to speak but he beat me to it.

"You have no right to take advantage of her like that, just like I had no right when I kissed her." Jacob gave Edward a sharp look and the jumped out the window.

"Jacob!" I yelled, but he didn't turn around. He thought that I wanted to be with David. He thought that I was telling David I wasn't with him so David would ask me out, which couldn't be further from the truth. I turned to glare at Edward for messing everything up.

"Leave Edward," I didn't even look back to make sure he had as I grabbed a jacket and my car keys.

_~Redeem~_

I drove to Jake's house first, but Billy said he wasn't there. I went to First Beach but he wasn't at our spot either. I didn't know where else he could be. Those were the two places I knew I could find him when we were younger. _We're not teenagers anymore_. I reminded myself. I opened the glove compartment and looked up the directions to the Pack Mechanics on my phone. A few minutes later I parked along the street and walked into the shop. The lights were on so I knew someone was here. I wandered through the building until I came to the garage. It looked empty, but once again a light was on so I took a chance and went inside. I found Jacob under a blue Toyota.

"Jake." My voice echoed in the large room. I heard the click of his tools stop and he rolled out from under the car.

"What Bella." I flinched at his hard tone. Though it wasn't as harsh as the tone he'd used with me at Betsy's, I knew he was mad.

"Jake I know you're mad, but Edward got it wrong. I didn't just go up to David and tell him that we weren't together. He asked me if we were together while I was working and I said no."

"I understand Bella," he said, but it was clear that he didn't.

"No you don't! I don't want to be with David, that wasn't why I told him we weren't together. I told him that because it's the truth!" I realized I'd raised my voice and walked forward and kneeled down so I was a few inches from him.

"But he asked me if I wanted to be with you, and I said yes, and that's also the truth." I saw his expression soften. He stood up and dusted his hands off.

"I'm sorry I ran off, I know I kind of overreacted but I'm not used to you wanting me yet. I still feel like even though I have you, someone will come along and you'll slip through my fingers." He looked me in the eye as he spoke and I knew that the years of me rejecting him had taken its toll on him.

"It's not your fault you feel that way. I shouldn't have acted like I didn't want you when we were younger. Instead of admitting my feelings for you I tried to smother them and that wasn't fair to you. I know I haven't said it since I've been back yet, I mean we've only been talking to each other for a few days but, I love you Jacob. I never stopped loving you. When I was away you were always on my mind, and when I was with him thinking about you always made me feel better. You're the only man I want Jake, and I am more than willing to wait until you're ready to let me be yours." I had never felt the same way about Edward, the same burning desire I felt with Jacob. With Edward it was curiosity, with Jacob it was passion, and I wasn't about to give that up.

"I know we aren't technically a couple, and I know I'm the one that wants us to wait, but I'm scared that you'll get tired of waiting and David, or Edward or some other guy will come along and take you away from me. I want you so badly Bella, I want to be the man who gets to kiss you, and hold you, and make you laugh, but at the same time I don't want to rush into things with you. I'm worried that if we rush things everything will fall apart and I'm not going to risk that with you. I have to stop myself from moving to fast, because I know that if I get to close to you or if I kiss you I _won't _be able to stop myself if you ask me to be yours. I still feel resentment toward you sometimes, late at night when I'm out patrolling alone and I remember everything I felt when you were gone. I don't want to be your boyfriend while I'm still feeling that way. You deserve my unconditional love, and I want to be sure you have it before things go to far." He took my hands in his and I nodded. Waiting was going to be hard, but not having Jacob would be harder.

**All right another chapter done! Sooo what did you think. I made sure I got at least one chapter out this week, I literally worked for a day just to make sure I could get this out to you. That being said I would really love it if you left a review. I'm going to start on the next chapter and hopefully it'll be out by the end of the month or in early May. **

**-ladybug82896**


	8. The Waiting Game

**The Waiting Game**

Bella's POV

The next few weeks got better. Things were really starting to pick up at the Book Garden and The Pack Mechanics so Jake and I didn't get to see each other as much, but when we found enough time to hang out with one another we always had a good time. I could see that he was trying to forgive me completely, trying to let the past four years go. I understood. I was lucky he still wanted me after everything I had put him through. I played an active role in fucking up his life for not months, but _years_. The least I could do was give him the time he needed to get over things.

My relationship with Charlie had gotten better. Him knowing my secret was a huge load off of my shoulders. Now, instead of worrying about saying the wrong thing in front of Charlie, I felt like I could talk to him about anything. He was getting better at cooking. He moved on to more challenging dishes such as casseroles, lasagna, and ravioli. While his first casserole was far from edible, the second was delicious. He picked up lasagna and ravioli right away. We had spent many nights talking, sometimes about me, sometimes about him, and other times just about life in general. It felt nice to actually connect with my father. I didn't know anyone else in my family besides Charlie and Renee. Renee and I already had a mother daughter bond that was formed in the many years I lived with her. Now it was time to form that same kind of bond with Charlie. There were no more awkward silences between conversations; instead we filled those silences with laughter and memories. Whether it was recollections from the day we'd had or stories about the weird dysfunctional family Charlie, Renee, and I had years ago.

Things at work had gotten better as well. Laura and I were on good terms again, which I was grateful for, the twins were back to their usual playful selves, and Hope was coming out of her weird, disfigured shell. All of the new employees were really easy to talk to and came in every day with a bunch of crazy stories. I felt a pang of sadness because I never got to experience those few crazy years of college. I lived vicariously through their stories though, imagining what it would be like if I were in any of the many sticky situations they put themselves in on a day to day basis. Business was going really well in the store and Laura promoted me to co-manager, which doubled my salary. I finally felt like all of the pieces of the puzzle were falling into place.

The only missing piece was David. I hadn't seen him since he stormed out three weeks ago. I felt bad about how our last conversation had gone. I hadn't meant to hurt him, I had only told him the truth. I missed his daily visits. He had been a good friend to me and I still wanted to see him, but I didn't want there to be any awkward tension between him and I. My last experience with a friend of mine liking me had… drastic consequences. I didn't want to go through that whole fiasco again, in fact I refused to. I was going to hunt him down and we were going to talk about our situation, whether he wanted to or not.

I was so determined I may have gone down to PA Videos after work if Jacob hadn't invited me to a bonfire. I was reluctant to accept his invitation, but I couldn't be scared of the pack forever. Once I got off of work I raced home and showered. Once I was clean and my hair was dry I put on some skinny jeans, a tight fitting green long-sleeve blouse and some small diamond studs. I left my hair down and got my sandals out of the closet. I looked at my clock, I had about a few minutes before Jacob came to pick me up which left little time for make-up. I settled on some lip-gloss, mascara, and perfume. I had just applied the last swipe of gloss before I heard the doorbell ring.

"Hey Bells," Jacob said before he pulled me into a hug. I couldn't help but notice how intoxicating his cologne was before I pulled away.

"Well somebody's looking good tonight," I said. He was wearing some dark wash jeans and a button up red and black plaid shirt. The sleeves came up to his elbow, which showed off his forearms.

"You don't look too bad yourself Bells." I blushed at the compliment and grabbed my purse off of the counter.

"Ready to go?" I nodded and walked out of the house. Jacob took my hand in his after I locked up and opened the car door for me. I thanked him, blushing as always, and we got on the road. My foot was tapping to release some of the nervous energy I had, but it wasn't doing much for my anxiety. Jacob reached across the gear - shift and took my hand once more.

"Relax Bells, no one is going to mess with you. They may not like you, but I warned them about keeping any bad thoughts to themselves." I nodded and took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down.

"Thanks Jake, but I have a feeling that's not going to help much." I didn't want to be a pessimist, but it is very possible that most of the pack will hate me. No order could cap such an intense emotion completely. Jacob took my hand in his and kissed the back of it.

"It'll be fine. You'll enjoy yourself, I promise."

"And if you're wrong?" I raised a challenging eyebrow.

"If I'm wrong you can hit me with a baseball bat, or take a picture of me in a compromising position." I laughed, thankful for the distraction.

When we arrived the butterflies in my stomach were going crazy again. Jacob sent me a concerned look but I nodded to reassure him that I was okay. As we walked toward the fire pits Jacob intertwined his fingers with mine. He squeezed my hand reassuringly as we neared the fire pit and I let out a deep breath. _Here we go_.

"Hey Bella!" Quil said. He pulled me away from Jake and gave me a hug. Once I was set down I was passed to Embry, who gave me the same greeting, and then back to Jake. Seth waved at me, as did Sam and Emily. The only girls that didn't smile and wave were Leah, and Rachel. Jacob found a spot on a log and pulled me down next to him.

"You should have gotten here earlier, you just missed Jared getting his ass kicked by Kim." Quil was obviously still entertained by the events that had happened prior to our arrival.

"She didn't kick my ass!" Jared protested, but his cheeks were pink.

"I beg to differ. You had the upper hand dude, and you gave it up." Quil exclaimed. He was clearly enjoying the embarrassment on Jared's face.

"I didn't give up, I just realized I was wrong."

"What are you guys talking about?" Jacob asked. Embry took on the task of answering.

"Kim got mad at Jared because Felicia and her pack of she-bats came around and started drooling all over him. Jared insisted that she was being overprotective-"

"Which I wasn't." Kim interjected. "I'm sure if the circumstances were switched-"

"You already won Kim, let the man finish his story." Quil said. She sent him a death glare, but didn't say anything.

"Anyway, Kim got mad and started yelling, which caused Jared to yell, and then out of nowhere Kim's hand just whips across his face and Jared looks like he's about to cry." All of the guys snicker and Jared's cheeks get even redder.

"Whatever Embry, at least I didn't hook up with a psychopath. What was her name again, Cindy?" Embry shivered and a look of disgust crossed his face.

"Oh yeah, she was a creepy one. You go in thinking it's a one night stand and she chains you to the bed." Quil says, laughing. My eyes widen and my heartbeat picks up. Bad memories start bubbling to the surface. _No, God no, not here. _I try to focus on the conversation and laugh when everyone else laughs, but it's getting harder and harder to keep my mind on the present.

"The lights are turned out and she's at the foot of the bed dressed like Cat Woman." Colin interjects.

"And then she pulls out a whip." My body tenses and memories flood my mind. _A whip with jagged glass on the tip ripping across my abdomen. Blood everywhere, tears running down my cheeks. A wicked smile, his villainous laugh. Hazel eyes._ No. I have to calm down. I cannot show any sign that this story is bothering me. This is supposed to be a fun evening. I can't ruin it. I need to get past this. _Just breathe deeply and remind yourself that their just memories, like Trudy said. I am here. I am with Jacob and the Pack. I am home. _By the time I start to relax and come back to the present everyone has already moved on. They are all talking and joking about one thing or another. Some are eating; others are just staring into the fire. Jacob is… where is Jacob? I look around but he is nowhere to be seen. I start to get up when Paul sits down next to me.

"Hi Paul." I try to focus my attention on him so I don't come off as rude.

"Don't act like everything is all peachy Bella. You can be as polite as you want, but it's not going to change the fact that I don't like you." He snarled.

"If you don't like me, then why are you sitting next to me?" I didn't feel like dealing with Paul right now. The politeness from before had gone away and my tone had hardened.

"I just figured I'd give you a heads up before you tried to talk to me."

"I wouldn't have. You didn't like me before I left, only an idiot would think you would think highly of me after I hurt Jacob. I'm not stupid Paul." Even if he hadn't told me he wasn't a fan of mine, I would have assumed he hated my guts. Paul never acted like he wanted to be associated with me, most likely because of my relationship with Edward.

"Whatever. It's not like I'll have to put up with you for long." He says.

"What on Earth would make you say something like that?" I tried to sound like I didn't care, not wanting to give away my true curiosity.

"Jake knows women want him. He won't settle down for more than a few months. The longest he's settled while you were away was with that one girl, Sally. I really thought I was going to be rid of you when he met her. He fell for her. Hard. He had light in his eyes again and wasn't drinking every fucking day. He's been doing well for a while. So you can imagine my disappointment when I learned you were back in town. Hopefully we won't have to fix him up again once you fuck up. We made sure he knew any woman would gladly give it up to him. He may have forgiven you, but I hope he dumps your ass for some girl on the street just like you dumped his ass for that leech." His words stung, but I refused to let him see how they affected me.

"I will be by Jake's side as long as he wants me. If he chooses someone else or doesn't want me around anymore, I'll leave, but only when he tells me to do so. I know what I did was wrong, but seeing as you and I hardly had a friendly relationship before I left, I would say that what Jake and I want and what Jake and I do is between him and I. That being said I'm going to look for Jake." I got up from my seat on the log and walked away from the fire. I was walking for about a minute before I found Jake. He wasn't far from the group, but far enough to make me suspicious. Not necessarily of him, but of what he was doing. As I got closer I realized the he was not alone. The girl I saw him with on the beach the day after Sue's party was there. She was stretching out her arms, looking to get a hug. I got closer and stopped when I could hear what they were saying.

"Look Felicia, I don't care what you want. I have what I need and I can assure you that you aren't it." He took her arms and put them at her sides. I was relieved he was pushing her away, but that didn't stop her.

"But Jakey we had so much fun together." She said, twisting her hair and staring at him like she wanted to eat him alive. I felt jealousy and anger course through me. I was seriously considering punching her in the face.

"Look, just leave me alone." Jacob said, he was about to walk away and I was about to move forward when she threw herself at him and kissed him. He was startled and his eyes grew wide, but once he recovered he gently pushed her back.

I was frozen in my place. I knew he didn't want to kiss her, I saw him push her back. He had done nothing wrong. The logical part of my brain knew that I had nothing to worry about, but that didn't stop my heart from dropping into my stomach. Somewhere in the back of my mind, Paul's words were echoing.

"_Jake knows women want him." _ He obviously knew she wanted him. I could tell that she was someone Jacob had been with in my absence.

"What the fuck Felicia!" Jake said, and then his eyes caught mine. I should have smiled, or done something to let him know I knew he had done nothing wrong, but all I could do was stand there with my mouth halfway open.

"Bella." I could see his face crumple in pain. I snapped out of my daze and started walking towards him when Felicia jumped in.

"Are you kidding me, this is the girl that you want. You do realize you could have me instead of… _her_." If looks could kill Felicia would be dead and Jacob would be running from the police.

"I suggest you leave." He said harshly. I recognized the tone as the one he used when speaking to me at Betsy's. He was pissed.

"But Jakey." She whined. God, she was annoying.

"NOW!" She and I both jumped at his vicious tone and she left. Trudging back up the beach with a pout on her face no doubt. When Jacob turned to me his features softened and he took my hands in his.

"Bella, I am so sorry you had to see that. I didn't want to kiss her. She kissed me. I would never do that to you. I mean after ev-" I put a hand over his mouth to stop him.

"Jake, I know you didn't do anything. I saw the whole thing as I was walking toward you." I wasn't going to tell him I was eavesdropping. Spying on him was morally wrong… and it sounds kind of creepy. "I was just… surprised. That's all." I took my hand away from his mouth so he could speak. His features had relaxed, but he still looked concerned.

"If you were just surprised why did it look like you were hurt?" Jacob's hand came up to my cheek and his thumb gently stroking my cheek bone. I mentally cursed myself for not controlling my expressions better.

"It's nothing Jacob. I knew you hadn't done anything. I just… I know women want you Jacob, and I know that you know they want you. I just, I don't know. It worries me I guess." I bit my lip and looked away.

"What are you worried about honey, you know you're all I want," Jacob said gently.

"I know you want me now Jacob, but what about later on when you see that you could do so much better. I mean did you _see_ her. She was gorgeous! There is no way I would ever, could ever look like that, and that's what you deserve. I mean let's face it I had nothing going for me before I left and now I have all of this emotional baggage on top of it! I just…" I trailed off and ran my hands down my face in frustration.

"Honey," Jacob said softy and took my hands in his, "Do you honestly not see how beautiful you are. Don't you know how much you mean to me? Felicia looks good, I'm not going to lie and say I haven't noticed, but she doesn't hold a candle to you. She is shallow, and annoying, and incredibly fake. You're real Bells. You're not some odd concoction of saline and flesh; you're natural and beautiful, and smart and funny. You are what I want, what I'll always want. As for the women, yes I know they like me, but that doesn't mean I want them. With you around no other woman crosses my mind. You're it for me Bells, there are no if, ands, or buts about it. I don't want anyone else." I stared up at him, not sure what I should say. After a moment I wrapped my arms around him. "Thank you." I whispered. I felt him chuckle lightly. "Anytime Bells." He tightened his grip around me and I buried my face into his chest. I would have loved to stand in his arms forever, but unfortunately it was getting late and we had to say goodbye to those who were leaving.

We slowly walked back the fire hand in hand. I leaned into him when the wind picked up he looked down at me and smiled. When we got close enough to everyone the spell was broken, to my disappointment, and we sat down in our previous spot. This time, however, Jacob pulled me down onto his lap. I leaned back into him and his arms wrapped around me. We listened to everyone talking around us, laughing and sending secret smiles to each other when we thought no one was watching. Sometime around 11:30 Jake and I decided to leave. Mostly everyone had left, except for Colin, Jared, Kim, and Leah. The ride home was quiet, but I was content.

"So, that wasn't too bad," Jacob said once he had stopped the car.

"Yes, once again you were right." I rolled my eyes and he grinned.

"I like the new you, I'm right more often."

"Yeah, yeah. You're ahead now, but I'm going to make a comeback." He laughed and took my hand.

"Sure, sure." I smiled and looked over at him. I didn't want to have to part ways with Jacob, even if it was for a few hours.

"Stay with me tonight?" I bit my lip, hoping he would say yes.

"I would love to, but what about Charlie?"

"He's doing something in Seattle for a few nights," I said as I got out of the car. One of the good things about actually talking to my father was knowing when he would be out of town. I opened the door and heard Jacob walk in behind me. I set my purse on the table and took off my shoes before turning to him.

"So what do want to do Bells?" he asked. I hadn't really thought about what we would be doing.

"Ummm."

"Want to paint each other's nails and watch Gossip Girl!" Jacob interjected. It was obvious he was playing around, but that didn't mean I would object to such a wonderful plan.

"You find out what channel Gossip Girl is on, and I'll get the nail polish." I said, and Jacob's smile dropped.

"What?" He said, with no humor in his tone. I laughed and went up the stairs to get the basket of nail polish. I had a healthy collection from high school under the bathroom sink. When I came back down the stairs I found Jacob on the couch flipping through channels. His eyes widened when he saw the basket of polish.

"Bells, you do know I was kidding, right?"

"Yes, I do. But that doesn't mean I am. Now, do you want manicure or pedicure. I would suggest a pedicure because if the guys find out about this they're gonna grill your ass."

"You would actually touch my feet?" Jacob laughed.

"Believe it or not, I am not scared of you, or your feet." I started searching for a nice color and settled on a deep purple.

"Whoa, whoa purple. Come on Bells, have mercy." I was going to tell him to suck it up, but I couldn't say no to his puppy eyes.

"Fine," I sighed and took out the clear polish and a nail file. I was about to move to his feet when he stopped me.

"As much as I admire your courage, I wouldn't make anybody go anywhere near my feet. You can do my hands." I nodded and moved up. I wasn't sure how to position myself; it was a relatively small couch. After thinking on it for a moment I swung one leg over his body so I was straddling his abdomen as he lay. I took his hand and got to work. His nails were bitten down, as most guys' nails are, but they weren't all that bad. I set his hand on my thigh so I wouldn't get too much polish on his skin. I made quick work of his first hand, swiping on a single layer of polish so they would dry quickly. I was finishing up his pinky when I looked up at him. He was staring at me with such a tender expression it made my heart flutter.

"What?" I asked as I put the brush back into the bottle of polish and twisted it shut. He didn't say anything, just ran his one dry hand through my hair.

I couldn't help myself. The way he was looking at me and his fingers gently running through my hair was simply too much for me. I leaned in as did Jacob, his intoxicating warmth encouraging me to move in closer. We were coming closer and closer until there was no more than a few centimeters between our lips. Our breaths mixed and a shiver ran through my body.

"Ugh Bella I can't, I can't do this!" Jacob pulled away and I did my best to conceal the hurt expression on my face. He put his head in the crook of my neck. For a moment I didn't know what to do, but after a moment I started to run my fingers through his hair.

"I'm sorry Jake. I don't know what came over me." I should have known this would happen. He told me he didn't want to rush into things.

"No, it's not your fault." He brought his head up and looked at me. "I know you've been waiting patiently on me. It's been almost a month and we're still in this awkward stage, and I know it's my fault." He looked so frustrated with himself. It made me feel bad about pushing him in my moment of weakness.

"I'll give you all the time you need to trust me again Jake. I knew things wouldn't just go back to how they were before."

"No, see that's just it. I do trust you Bells. I've gotten the chance to see the new you and I'm more than certain you won't leave again. You've made a life here in the few months you've been here and even though you were... God I can't even fucking say it. What I'm trying to say is even after all of the shit you went you're such a fun and vibrant person. You're still my Bells but with more self-confidence and responsibility. I want the same things you want Bella. I want to kiss you and touch you. I want to be yours, hell I already am yours, none of that is the problem." I was thoroughly confused.

"Then what's wrong?" I asked, my eyebrows furrowed. He looked away which was unusual because usually I'm the one who does that.

"Jacob," I said gently, "please tell me what's wrong. Whatever it is I'm sure we can get past it." He looked at me again and I was shocked by how vulnerable he looked. My leaving hurt him more than I thought.

"I'm scared Bella." He averted his eyes once more. "I'm scared that everything will fall apart. I'm scared that I won't be able to make you happy. You have to realize this is the only time you've actually reciprocated my feelings. I know I can make you happy, in theory, but this is the first time I've actually had a chance to show you what being with me would be like. I just don't want to screw it up." He looked at me once he had cleared all signs of vulnerability from his features and I leaned down to place my forehead against his.

"You have already made me happy Jake. You remember when Edward left me, and I was depressed for months?" I asked.

"I will never forget what that asshole did." I knew part of the reason Jacob hated Edward was because of how he left me. I knew my depressed state was imprinted in Jacob's mind, but I needed a strong memory to get my message across.

"You were the only person that could make me smile. You made me forget about Edward leaving me and you made me feel like I was worth something. What's more, you made me fall in love with you. You saved me from giving my life away and becoming a vampire. You saved me from an eternity of regrets. I know you've changed over the years, but that doesn't mean you don't know how to make me feel better. You helped me through the bonfire we just went to and have lifted my spirits countless times in the past few weeks. I have no doubt in my mind that you are what I want, and I know we'll be okay. I'm not saying everything is going to be perfect all the time, there will be problems every now and then, but when they come we can work through them together." Jacob had visibly relaxed and had a faint smile on his lips. He kissed my forehead and said, "Thank you Bella." I smiled.

"Anytime." I smiled as I repeated what he'd said to me only an hour ago.

"After all, werewolves have to get scared sometimes too." He chuckled and I settled down into chest. We didn't say anything for a while and before I knew it I was lulled into a peaceful sleep.

_~Redeem~_

I woke up the next morning in Jacob's arms. My neck had a crook in it and I was extremely tired, but I was content. I looked at the digital clock on the cable box and decided it was time to get up. After all, we both had to go to work. I got took a quick shower and got dressed for work before going down and making some eggs, bacon and toast. I figured I'd let Jacob sleep in a little bit, knowing the smell of food would wake him up. Sure enough, five minutes after I started cooking he came lumbering into the kitchen rubbing the sleep from his eyes. I slid a cup of coffee toward him.

"Thanks. What time is it?" He asked after taking a sip of the coffee.

"It's about seven o'clock right now. I figured we could eat breakfast and then head out." I pushed the eggs around in the skillet a few more times before sliding them onto a plate, I then proceeded to make the rest of the carton for Jacob. We ate in a hurried silence, both of us worrying about being late to work. I put our dishes in the sink to be washed later, and locked up.

"Umm Bells?" Jacob said right before I got to my truck.

"Hmm?" I asked, putting my lunch on the passenger side of the truck. I closed the door and was about to walk around to the other side, but Jacob was standing behind me, looking rather nervous.

"What is it?" I asked, now concerned.

"I was wondering if you would like to go out with me tomorrow night." My heart sped up and I couldn't stop the smile from spreading onto my lips.

"Like a date?" I asked.

"Not exactly. It will look like a date, and feel like a date, but it's not a date." I raised an eyebrow.

"Look I know it's odd, but just… trust me." I waited a moment to answer, even though we both knew I would say yes.

"Okay, just tell me when and where." He smiled and seemed to relax a little bit.

"I'll pick you up tomorrow at 8:00." He started to turn but I stopped him.

"Wait, where are we going. I need to figure out what to wear."

"Wear something casual and some shoes you wouldn't mind walking around in." I asked him where we were going again, but he just smiled and kissed my forehead.

"You'll see tomorrow, until then you'll just have to wait."

I tried to figure out where we were going the entire ride to work, but casual were could mean we were going anywhere but a restaurant. Through the frustration of not knowing where Jacob was taking me, I could feel the excitement of going on my first date, or non- date, with Jacob. I felt my inner girl coming out and giggled non-stop for the last two minutes of my drive. I pulled myself together in the parking lot, but I couldn't completely wipe the smile off of my face.

"Well someone's a happy camper today," Laura said as soon as I walked into the door.

"Now I wonder what could have happened to put a smile that big on your face." I put my lunch away in the lounge and went behind the checkout counter to get the book I had been reading.

"Jake asked me out," I said, and my smile got even bigger. I had to give Laura her props. Although she was still uncomfortable with the idea of Jacob and I, she was always supportive.

"That's great honey, where is he taking you?" I could tell that this wasn't a topic she was particularly interested in.

"That's the frustrating part, I don't know. He just told me to wear something casual." We neared the fountain where we usually read and sat down.

"Well I'm sure he has something big planned," was all she said, and just like that the subject was dropped. I have to admit I was a little angry that Laura couldn't let me indulge in my girly side and give her all of the details, but then I remembered who I was and opened my book. The day went by slowly, much to slowly for my taste. I was relieved when I got off work, but the day wasn't over yet. I had a task to do and I wasn't going home until it got done. I sighed as I put the car in gear and made my way to Port Angeles.

_~Redeem~_

I didn't know if David was still working, but that didn't matter. I would keep coming back until I spoke to him. I parked the car in the empty lot and walked in to find him standing at the counter looking bored. He looked up when I came in, but immediately went back to looking at his fingernails when he saw it was me.

"Welcome to PA Videos, how can I help you." He wouldn't meet my eye and was instead focusing on little things, such as the carpeting or the display in the front of the store.

"David, don't do this." His eyes stayed downcast.

"Do what?"

"This, whatever this is. Don't ignore me. Don't just cut me out of your life." His eyes finally rose to meet mine.

"I'm not cutting you out, I just don't feel like talking to you anymore. It doesn't feel the same." I could tell he was angry, but that didn't mean anything to me right now,

"David, I'm sorry. I didn't know-"

"Didn't know what, that I liked you? How could you not know when I made it so obvious? Don't try to make up excuses for leading me on Bella." He held my gaze as he spoke, his blue eyes holding me in my place.

"I never wanted to lead you on David. That was never my intention, and I am so sorry I hurt you, but I've wanted to be with Jacob for… a long time now. I didn't know if he would still want me because I've been away for a while and… I don't know maybe I welcomed your attention and made it seem like I liked you, and you're right there is no excuse for that, but I still want to be your friend David. You're an amazing person and I don't want to lose you because of this." He seemed to relax a little bit, relieving some of the tension in the empty store. It was quiet for a long moment, and I could see him processing my words.

"Alright, but I have one condition." I felt my heart lift and I smiled.

"Anything."

"You have to let me call you Izzy. I want no complaints from you." My eyes widened and I saw a smile stretch across his face.

I went home that night with a smile on my face. That horrible nickname was a small price to pay for a wonderful friend.

_~Redeem~_

I woke up the next morning with adrenaline coursing through my body. _Today's the day._ I thought. My first date with Jacob. I got up and went through my morning routine. Work flew by, the hours seemed like they were condensed into minutes, most likely because it was taking a backseat to my fantasies of what my date with Jacob would be like. (I don't care what he says about this not being a date, in my eyes, it's a date) When I finished working I rushed home to shower and change clothes. I decided on some blue jeans, a T-shirt, and some black converse. I decided against wearing any make-up. Jake said causal, make-up would be doing too much.

I was finishing up the note to Charlie to explain where I was when I heard a knock on the door. I set the pen down and nervously smoothed down my shirt before opening the door. Jacob stood there in some jeans and a random T-shirt; he was dressed like we were just about to hang out like we did when we were kids. Just like that, all of my anxiety was gone. Why should I be nervous, this is Jacob we're talking about.

"Hey," I said with a ridiculous grin on my face.

"Hey," he replied. He pushed his hands into his pockets and looked down sheepishly, it seemd like he was as nervous as I was.

"You ready to go?" I nodded and grabbed my bag off of the counter. The ride over was awkward, which was something that rarely happened with Jacob and I.

"So, you gonna tell me where we're going?" my curiosity had reached it's peak over the past couple of days.

"You'll see in a few minutes." A smirk was forming on his lips. He knew I didn't like surprises. I let out a huff and he laughed at me. I looked out of the window, expecting to find darkness when I saw it. A large ferris wheel was towering above the ground, it's lights spinning and illuminating the night sky. As we got closer to the grounds I saw a rollercoaster and heard the joyful shrieks coming from the grounds.

"Since when does Forks have a fair, or fair grounds for that matter?"

"The fairgrounds were set aside about a year after you left and the year after that the fair started." I never imagined our small town would ever have anything as interesting as a fair, or a community college, or a town park, or a recreation center. It's ridiculously unfair that the small town blew up in the four years I had been gone. I didn't get to see it changing, I just came back to a completely different place. We pulled into the parking lot a few seconds later. Jacob got out and opened my door like a gentleman. We walked up to the entrance gate and Jacob paid for our tickets.

"So, where to first?" he asked me. I looked around and my eyes landed on the rollercoaster. I practically dragged him over to the line.

"Jesus Bells, why the rush?"

"I've never been on one before, I'm just excited."

"Never?" He asked incredulously.

"Nope." I guess it was kind of shocking. It was a common childhood experience, but for some reason it never happened for me. I was a bundle of nerves when we finally boarded the ride. Jacob and I sat next to each other in the back car. After getting strapped in I realized that I was actually going to ride on a rollercoaster, but instead of the excited feeling I had, I started to get nervous. The feeling only worsened when the coaster started to climb the metal hill. Just like that a million scenarios flashed through my head. The coaster flying off of the railing and me plummeting to my doom being the most frequent. I was seriously contemplating asking them to stop the ride or jumping off when I felt a warm hand encompass my own. I looked up and saw Jacob giving me an encouraging smile.

"Don't worry Bells, you'll be fine. Stop freaking out and relax. We're here to have fun." I nodded and we reached the top of the hill. My eyes widened. We were up way to high for my liking.

"Oh my goooo-" I screamed as we raced down the track. The wind was roaring in my ears and my hair was blown back. When we reached the bottom of the hill we raced around one turn and then another before climbing a small hill. Once we reached the top of that one we were speeding down the hill again and around turn after turn, at one point the car was almost on its side, bending sharply and then we came to a sudden stop. By the time we got of the ride I was smiling like an idiot.

"So, how was it?" Jacob asked, already knowing my answer.

"Can we go again?" I asked. And before I knew it we were back on the ride and I was screaming my guts out.

_~Redeem~_

We went on the coaster two more times before Jacob pulled us away to the bumper cars. He suggested getting a two seater but I wanted the pleasure of hitting him with my own car. It was the battle of the ages, and unfortunately I did not come out on top. After coming away from the bumper cars we went walking around the grounds and stopped at a game booth. It was one of those games where you throw a ball at stacks of bottles. Jacob won of course and I walked away with a cute stuffed animal of my choice. I chose a wolf. After walking around we decided to go on one more ride.

"So what'll it be Bells?"

"I chose last time, you choose."

"Are you sure?" I nodded and he grabbed my hand and led us toward the Ferris wheel. These cars were a bit bigger than the cars on the rollercoaster and they tried to get four people onto one car. Lucky for us we were the last ones in line so we didn't have to share. Jacob sat next to me and we placed our belongings on the other side of the car.

"Are you having a good time?" He asked me. I could see a hint of worry in his eyes.

"I'm having a great time, it's been a while since I've felt so…happy." I was struck by the truth in my words. It's been four years since I've cracked a real smile. How had I not noticed how sad I was until now? I mean yes I noticed I was a little down in the dumps while I was away from Forks, but even after I came back I was never this happy until Jacob came into my life again. And now here I am sitting next to him after having experienced the best day I've had in a long time with the biggest smile on my face. It made me realized that I haven't even scratched the surface of happiness. If one day with Jacob makes me feel like sadness is a thing of the past, I can only imagine what a lifetime with him would be like.

"Bella, I'm sorry about everything, about turning away from you when you're the only thing I really want." The car stopped at the top of the Ferris wheel and his hand came up to my cheek.

"It's okay Jacob, I knew you would need time," I said.

"Even so, I can't thank you enough for giving me the time I needed. For staying with me, for breathing life back into me, for giving me a reason to love again, for giving me your heart." His words were thoroughly melting my insides. I placed my hand over the one that was resting on my cheek.

"I love you," I said, and I meant it with every fiber of my being. Jacob's other hand came up to my other cheek and before I knew what was happening his lips were on mine. I was shocked for a moment, but my eyes fluttered shut and I leaned into him. His lips were soft and warm and were molded to mine. I could feel his passion and his joy and his love as he kissed me and I knew that he had my heart, totally and completely. There was no way I could ever leave him, no way I could walk away from this incredible feeling I had whenever I was with him. I was his. He pulled back and rested his forehead on mine. I looked at him, the lights from the Ferris wheel lighting up his own.

"I love you too."

**Okay, this update came waaaaaay too late. Sorry guys, really. I got really caught up in reading the Divergent series and then with all of these stories getting deleted from fanfiction I figured I better keep this one hidden beneath all the other stories for a while. But here it is, I hope the ending makes up for it a little, though I don't think this chapter is my best work I knew I had to get something out to you. I hope you enjoyed it though!**

**~ladybug82896**


	9. A New Direction

**A New Direction**

Jacob

"What the fuck are you so happy about?" I sighed and turned to Quil who had opened his mouth and disrupted my concentration.

"Nothing, now can I get back to work? This car needs to be done today or Mr. Steinbern is gonna be pissed." I turned my head back to the car, expecting the conversation to be over, but with Quil it's never over.

"I can't let you get back to work, not when you're grinning at that car like an idiot. What did you do last night?"

"Nothing, now but out."

"It has something to do with you being all nervous and weird yesterday, doesn't it." I didn't answer for a moment. I knew that Quil and Embry didn't mind Bella being back, but I had no idea how they would feel about her and I becoming something more. I would be with Bella no matter what their feelings were about our relationship, but since they were my best friends and because they were there for me in my darkest hour I want them to realize that Bella was good for me. I hadn't told anyone what I was planning yesterday; I just walked around the shop nervous all day. Of course the guys noticed and questioned me about it, but I just said I was feeling off and gave them a look that said, "leave it alone".

"Holy shit it does, what happened?" Embry said, apparently deciding to join the conversation. I turned around and set my tools down on the table beside me.

"Alright look, something did happen, but this is just between you guys and me. Don't tell the pack, or my sister, and especially Leah. She's already mad enough as it is." Embry nodded, Quil on the other hand said, "What'd you do, bone Bella?"

"No." I snapped. "I wouldn't do that, not so soon after she got…back." The statement was partially true, Bella and I had just taken another step in our relationship, but we would be a ways a way from sex even if she hadn't gotten raped. The fact that some sick bastard had taken advantage of her and hurt my Bells made me want to hit something, and the fact that there was nothing I could do about it made my heart hurt. While she was being ripped apart I was here, trying my best to hate her, thinking of ways to rip her apart even more. Though my anger was justified, my intended cruelty was not. I'm still ashamed of how much I tried to hate Bella, the horrible things I said and thought about her while trying to ease my pain. It's something I conveniently left out of my story when I told Bella how my life had been like in her absence. But then again there were a lot of things I didn't tell her.

"Well then tell us what happened," Embry said, bringing me out of my thoughts.

"Yesterday I took Bella out." It was quiet for a moment and I did my best to remain calm while I waited for their reactions. Embry was the one who spoke first.

"That's really cool man. She's a great girl but…are you sure about this? I have no problem with Bella being back, that's what we wanted. We wanted her to return home safe because she is like family, but are you sure you want to put yourself out there again? Bella, I mean I love her like a sister and all, but she hurt you man, multiple times."

"Yeah," Quil jumped in, "she's put you through a bunch of shit, and it destroyed you last time. Are you really sure you want to go through that again. I mean she might go back to Cullen, I know he's back in town, and not to mention she might up and leave again." I nodded, I knew this, every thing they had said had gone through my mind at one time or another. I wanted to do this, I wanted Bella.

"Cullen already made his appearance," I said.

"He did? What did Bella do?" Quil's brows were furrowed.

"Apparently he thought she was still going to marry him and got mad when Bella told him she didn't come back here for him. They got in a huge argument." I smirked, I wish I could have seen his face when she picked me over him. Fucking priceless.

"She did? That's my girl! Damn, I wish I could have been there." Quil was applauding Bella and we were all laughing, partly because the image of Bella telling off Edward is hysterical and partly because Quil is an idiot.

"Okay, so Cullen is out of the picture, finally. Are you sure she's not gonna leave again." Images flashed through my mind of Bella begging me not to hurt her, thinking I was _him_ the night after she told me about being in that horrible room. Her pleading with him not to kill her, saying she needed to come back. Anger began bubbling up inside me and I had to work to push it back down before answering.

"Trust me man, she won't want to leave again."

"Why, what did she say to you? Did something happen to her?" Embry asked, and I nodded.

"Well what happened?"

"Look I can't tell you. I promised her I wouldn't say anything."

"Come on man, we're your besties, we won't tell the pack or anyone else." Quil said to try and sway me but I shook my head, remembering how desperate she looked when she asked me to keep her pain a secret.

"No, I can't. She practically begged me not to tell you, she doesn't want anyone looking at her differently." I closed my lips tightly before I released any more of Bella's personal information and turned to the side to gather my tools.

"Was it really that bad?" Quil asked. I let out a sharp breath and turned to look at him.

"Man, you have no idea, bad doesn't even begin to cover it." I looked at him for a moment longer before returning to the car I was working on so they wouldn't see how much the weight of her painful experience was crushing me. How could I have hated her when she was going through something like _that?_ Sure she left, but I feel like I should have done something more. I wish I _could_ have done something to protect her. It kills me how she blames herself for what happened to her. She shouldn't have left without telling anyone where she was going, I get that and she gets that, but just because she made the wrong decision doesn't mean she deserved to get raped. She didn't bring that on herself. That little shit Ryan did that to her, he's to blame. He's the one that raped her, he's the one that sent her to therapy for two years, he's the one that made her think suicidal thoughts, he's the one that nearly killed her! I heard the sound groaning of metal and looked down. The wrench in my hand had been bent out of shape.

"Shit." I tried by best to bend it back into its original shape but it wasn't cooperating so I rolled out from underneath the car and got up. "Whatever, the car's done anyway." I muttered. I was surprised when two hands wrapped around my waist and plunged into my pants.

"Then you're not busy are you?" I yanked the hands from my pants and turned around. Adriana, one of Felicia's she-bats and Mr. Steinbern's daughter, was standing there with a sultry smirk on her face.

"Now mister Black, I believe I wanted full service," she took a step closer to me and grabbed my cock through my pants, "so what do you say? You do want a satisfied customer don't you?" She started to rub me through my jeans but I grabbed her hand and pulled it away. She was now sporting an incredibly fake pout that all the girls in Felicia's little pack seemed to have.

"Come on Jake, you haven't done anything with me in over a month," she whined.

"Didn't Felicia tell you, I'm not interested, off the market." She looked confused, twisting her hair around her finger.

"Like… you have a girlfriend?" She asked.

"Yes, I'm taken." I didn't know if I could call Bella my girlfriend, I mean we hadn't really talked about it. We would need to figure everything out though, soon. These girls were relentless. Slowly the confused expression melted off of Adriana's face and she took a small step toward me.

"Well then, we'll just have to be more careful about not getting caught." She reached out for me again, but this time I grabbed her hand before she made contact.

"Stop trying to touch me. I'm not gonna fuck you so you can take your skanky ass and get the hell out of my shop." I saw a surprise flash in her eyes, followed by anger.

"Oh really, maybe I'll just tell daddy you said that. You can kiss you're your best customer goodbye," she sneered.

"Yeah you do that. I would love to see daddy's expression when he hears his little girl is mad because the mean mechanic won't fuck around with her." I knew she wouldn't tell her dad. She'd done too much nasty shit, not only with me but with some of the other pack members as well.

"Whatever, just give me the fucking car." I made her sign all of the necessary papers, including the payment sheet and gave her the keys to her car. I meant to walk away but she grabbed my wrist. I snapped my hand out of her grip and she gave me a nasty smile.

"We'll see just how long you last Jakey." With that she got in the car and drove away, leaving me with a heaviness in my stomach. I knew that all these girls were going to be a problem, especially if they were going to try and tear me away from Bella. I knew I could control myself. I meant what I said when I told Bella she's the only girl I want. The problem was, I didn't how Bella was going to react when she saw all of these girls on me. She handled herself very well at the bonfire but she can only take so much. I know how hard it is to see someone you love getting groped on by someone less worthy, and I don't want her to think that I want anything to do with the girls that come on to me. I still hadn't told her about that part of my past, not wanting to overwhelm her with that kind of information, especially after what she'd been through. But at the same time it was the fear that she might see me in the same light as that bastard that destroyed her that kept me from telling her. I didn't go around and rape all of those women, I could never think of doing that to anyone, but the sex was rough and there was a lot of it. I had dug myself into a hole with the reputation I made for myself, and now I was having a hard time getting out, which was my own damn fault.

I was brought out of my thoughts by another pair of hands snaking around my waist and turned to yell at the owner.

"I thought I told you to le-" I stopped mid sentence when I realized those arms belonged to Bella.

"I'm sorry. Am I interrupting or something, I mean I guess I should have called."

"Whoa Bells, calm down. You didn't have to call, you're always be welcome here. I just didn't know it was you, that's all." I took her hands in mine and smiled down at her.

"Oh," she smiled back for a moment, but shortly after that her eyebrows furrowed.

"Has someone else greeted you like that today?" She was trying to play it off like she didn't care, but I could see that she did.

"Just one of the customers I always have problems with. I sorted out though, it's no big deal." I paused, seeing that my response didn't completely do it for her. "I know she won't be a problem because I told her," I picked Bella up and threw her over my shoulder and she shrieked, "That if she came by again, my crazy girlfriend would beat her ass down," I froze for a moment when I realized that I had just called Bella my girlfriend. She didn't seem to mind so I poked her in the side to cover up my momentary freak out and was rewarded with a laugh. "She was scared shitless."

"Well I would be too, this crazy girlfriend of yours sounds like she's no joke." She giggled.

"Oh yeah she's a real piece of work. She's smart, and funny, and the most beautiful girl you've ever seen." I was walking around the shop putting my tools up with her slung over my shoulder.

"She sounds great, I think I'm a little jealous." My eyebrows furrowed and I moved her so I was holding her to my chest instead of over my shoulder.

"There's no need for you to be jealous of anyone." I didn't want her thinking that anyone out there was better than her, in my eyes at least, she was the greatest girl anyone could ask for.

"Well I don't know about anyone," she looked down a bit and I tilted her chin up so she was looking at me again.

"You don't see yourself the way I do. I wish you did. There's no one else Bells, nobody can make me as happy as you do or grab my attention the way you can. When I say you don't have to be jealous of anyone, I mean anyone." She blinked a few times and gave me a small nod. We stayed like that for a moment, just looking at each other and then someone came in and ruined the moment. I grudgingly set Bella down and went to tend to the new customer. Since we still didn't have a receptionist, the job was passed around to different people every week. This week it was my turn. I got all of the information and had him bring the car into the garage. It was a brand new Nissan Altima that needed new brake pads installed. The guy said his son was on the wild side when it came to driving and I just gave him a nod. He said he needed it in two days and we agreed on the cost of his repairs before he left the shop.

"Sorry about that," I said once I got back to Bella. She was sitting on the counter where we put the tools.

"It's cool, you are still at work so it's my fault for stopping by and distracting you." I put my arms on either side of her and leaned in slightly.

"Well you are rather distracting." She gave a breathy laugh and I smirked. My eyes zeroed in on her lips. I leaned in closer, needing to taste her again. I moved slowly, giving her more than enough time to stop me if she was uncomfortable. I heard her heart beat speed up as I leaned my forehead against hers with my eyes closed.

"Can I kiss you," I whispered, needing her answer to be yes, but knowing that if she wasn't comfortable I would pull away.

"I don't know, can you?" I rolled my eyes at the elementary remark.

"_May _I kiss you?" I tried again and she giggled.

"You never have to ask," she murmured back. With that I captured her lips with my own, reveling in how soft hers were. I slid my tongue along her bottom lip, asking for entrance. She granted it without hesitation and my world was on fire. With my tongue on hers and her hands around my neck I was lost in how wonderful she felt. My hands were on her waist, lightly applying pressure. I didn't want things to move to fast for her, but I couldn't resist giving her bottom lip a little nip. I pulled away to satisfy our need for air and was about to move in again when someone cleared their throat. I let out a small groan of irritation before turning to face Leah.

"Sorry, am I interrupting?" She asked with a smug look on her face. She knew damn well she was interrupting.

"What Leah?" I was not in the mood to deal with her bullshit.

"Me and the guys are about to go on a lunch break. I thought you would be happy Black. Gives you time to take care of that nice little tent you've got forming."

"Thank you, have fun at lunch." That was my way of trying to politely get her to leave.

"Yeah, yeah I'm leaving. Just don't get any cum on the seats. And take _her_ into your office, I don't want her to get slut all over the shop." Before I had time to yell at her for the offensive remark she was gone.

"Sorry about that," I said, turning back to Bella.

"It's fine, she never really liked me. I don't expect her to be civil."

"That's still no excuse for her behavior." It was silent in the shop with everybody gone which just made the silence between Bella and I unbearably awkward. For a moment we both just stood there, looking everywhere but at each other like a couple of little kids. Thankfully an idea sprang into my head and I broke the silence.

"Hey, you wanna go out for lunch?"

"What if we run into the pack?" She asked and took her lip between her teeth.

"Don't tell me you're scared of Leah." I said jokingly.

"Scared…of Leah? Please. I just don't want to spend lunch getting grilled by her and Paul and whoever else doesn't like me." She rolled her eyes at the notion of Leah frightening her, but I was focused more on Paul.

"Did Paul say something to you?" I didn't want her being harassed by two ass-holes, Leah was enough to deal with.

"Yes, but I can handle him. I'm your bad ass girlfriend, remember?" She said with a playful smile. I put my hand behind my neck and looked down.

"Umm yeah are you okay with that? I know we haven't really talked about it and everything is moving kind of fast now. I mean we can still be just friends if you're more comfortable with that. It just kind of slipped out." I closed my mouth quickly, knowing that if I opened it again I would just keep rambling like an idiot.

"I don't know, I mean we haven't even gone out on a date," She said with a knowing smile. "I mean, unless last night was actually a date." Her eyebrows rose, daring me to challenge her.

"Last night was… an outing that could be looked at as a date," I said coyly.

"Jacob, come on." She tilted her head to the side and smirked.

"Alright, alright it was a date." I admitted defeat with a smile. She grinned and said, "I told you so." I promptly responded by sticking my tongue out at her and she giggled. After a few moments I joined in.

"In all seriousness," I said after we stopped laughing, " the only reason I didn't want to call our date a date is because I thought if we didn't use labels it might make it easier, more normal. I didn't actually plan on kissing you, I just thought we were going to go and have a good time. But I saw how excited you were, laughing and playing, and because you were happy I was happy too. When we got on the Ferris Wheel and we were all alone, and you were this beautiful girl with a smile on her face sitting across from me, and I was just there feeling so lucky to have you sitting across from me, I couldn't help myself." I brought my hand up to her face, loving how wonderful her smooth skin felt under my palm, and looked into her eyes.

"It had been far to long since I had seen you and really been with you and laughed with you and… kissed you. I said what I felt in that moment, what I've been feeling since then, and kissed you. But that wasn't even the most amazing part for me, the best part was that you kissed be back, and I felt like I did four years ago when I was a teenager on top of that mountain. There was no tension between us, you had never left, you had never… never been raped," I stopped for a moment and closed my eyes. Hearing those words come out of my own mouth made them echo in my mind for a long, horrible moment. I felt Bella's hand on my face and opened my eyes to meet her chocolate ones staring at me, gently prodding me to go on.

"I felt like nothing had changed even though everything has, whenever I'm with you I feel like a my old self. I'm not angry and yelling, instead I'm always acting like an idiot and blushing. You are the only girl that leaves me speechless, and you do it on a daily basis." I looked down for a moment, realizing the point I wanted to make had gotten away from me and turned into a confession. "Anyway what I'm trying to say is, I was scared of things changing to fast and deteriorating, so I tried to avoid dating you. The only problem was I wanted to take you out, so I said our date was a non-date, which sounded like bull shit, even to me. After that night, and after that kiss, I found myself wanting to call you my girlfriend and make my claim. I want the whole world knowing you're mine, but at the same time I don't know if this is going to fast." I was having a constant inner battle between my head and my heart. My heart wanted Bella, it didn't care what happened in the end, as long as I ended up with her. But my head was level and stern, telling me where to stop and yelling when I exceeded it's set limit.

"I do think that going from friends to girlfriend after one date is moving a little fast, just in general," Bella said. My heart ached a bit from her words, but I knew she was right. "However, I think that labels are unnecessary for us at this point. So instead of being your girlfriend, how about I just stick to being yours?"

"Yeah that sounds good." I said, not bothering to hesitate. She laughed at my eagerness, but I had no shame.

"So, how about that lunch?" I asked, getting back to how the whole conversation started.

"I would love to go to lunch with you, this can be our second date." She said and raised her eyebrows suggestively.

"Sure thing Bells, whatever you say." The sarcastic remark earned me a punch on the arm and a smile.

~Redeem~

We ended up going to this new burger place in La Push called Henry's. It was a small little diner type restaurant that sat in the middle of the forest. Lucky for us the pack was nowhere in sight. We sat down in a little booth across from one another and our waitress came by after a few minutes.

"Hi, I'm Tammy. What can I get you?" She looked do be about eighteen or nineteen with blond hair and blue eyes. She was currently running her eyes up and down my body, which made both Bella and I uncomfortable.

"I'll have a two homestyle triple meat burgers and an extra side of fries and a coke." I decided to order my meal along with my drink so she wouldn't have to come back until the food was done. Apparently Bella was thinking the same thing, she ordered a regular burger, fries, and lemonade. Our waitress turned to leave, her eyes lingering on me before she moved on to another table. I let out a breath and focused on Bella.

"Why did you leave work so early today?" I asked, wanting to forget our rude waitress.

"Oh, Laura let me go early, it was kind of a slow day and she could tell I was anxious to see you."

"You were anxious to see little ol' me?" I asked, batting my eyelashes. "Well I am flattered."

"Oh god." Bella rolled her eyes and kicked me under the table. I looked her in the eyes, all hints the playful tone gone from my voice when I said, "Did you just kick me?" Bella's eyes widened and she looked like she was about to apologize, so I spoke before she could.

"Oh you have no idea what you're up against. I am the KING of footsie." To prove my point I gave her a gentle kick. Bella relaxed, and for a second I felt bad. I didn't want her to be scared of me or anything, but this was just a game of footsie. Besides, I knew she would want me to keep everything as normal as possible.

"Oh yeah?" She asked with a playful glint in her eyes.

I leaned across the table and said, "Yeah, so get ready Swan." We then proceeded to play what looked like an odd game of soccer without the ball. Finally I had her in checkmate. Both of her feet were swept up between mine and we were laughing like idiots. That was the moment our _lovely_ waitress decided to show up.

"How's everything over here?" She asked, though her tone had hardened a bit and she sent a quick glare over to Bella.

"I was actually wondering about our drinks." I said wanting her to leave. She turned to me with this weird smile on her face.

"Oh yes your drinks, my bad. They'll be right out," she said before walking away. Bella tried to move her feet away from me but I tightened my hold.

"Jacob, give me my feet back." She said while trying to pull her feet from my vice grip.

"Nope, these bad boys are mine now." I leaned back with a satisfied smile on my face and closed my eyes. I figured she would complain a bit more before I released her feet, but little did I know Bella had formed a foolproof plan. Out of the blue Bella grabbed my shirt, pulled me to her, and kissed me. I was beyond startled but my lips found a rhythm with hers immediately. Her lips teased mine playfully and I could feel her smiling into the kiss. I would have been content to stay like that all day, but someone cleared their throat and we broke apart. Our waitress was looking very agitated and Bella had this mischievous glint in her eyes. "Here are you drinks and your food," was all she said before walking away and muttering to herself. After our waitress had gone Bella leaned back with a smirk on her face. It was only then that I realized my legs were back on my side of the table.

"Well, played Swan. Remind me to hold your limbs hostage more often." I said as I picked off some of my fries. She laughed and started to dig into her own food.

Once I wolfed my food down and Bella was finished picking at hers the waitress came by with the check and her phone number. I rolled my eyes and flipped the check over to pay. I made sure to give her a very low tip.

"Renee called last night." Bella said while we were waiting for the check to be collected.

"Really, well that was kind of random." I knew Renee cared about Bella. She was concerned when Bella went missing, but it seemed that her concern only prodded her to call once or twice a month after Bella was gone. Renee actually hinted at having a funeral for Bella after she had been missing for a year. Charlie was furious, as was I. "Having a funeral would mean we are giving up," Charlie told her, "and I will _never_ give up on my daughter." After that Renee stopped calling.

"Yeah. I guess she called earlier while we were out and Charlie answered the phone. Apparently he thought I had called her already and told her about… about why I had been missing." I immediately caught on. Knowing Renee, her response to Charlie's news could not have been pretty.

"How'd she take it?"

"Not well. She thought Charlie was lying at first, when the truth finally hit her she was hysterical. After fifteen minutes Charlie finally calmed her down enough to promise her I would call when I got in and hang up. When I finally called her back she was more calm, but there were a lot of tears. She wants me to call her every week now." Bella was looking down at the table the entire time she was talking and I knew something was wrong.

"Are you okay with that?"

"Yeah, I mean I should have called her a while ago I guess and I can understand her wanting to talk to me," she said, but she was still looking at the table.

"Bella," I said gently and she finally looked up at me, "I know when you're not happy about something. If it's not having to call Renee every week it must be something she said to you." I really hoped that wasn't the case, but I had a feeling it was.

"No it wasn't that… well I mean it wasn't bad… or it wasn't intended to be bad, I just kind of took it the wrong way maybe."

"Bella." I said in a tone that told her I knew her mom had royally fucked up. She sighed and said, "She was really sad and shocked and I think she just used anger to cover up because she didn't really know how to express what she was feeling. I mean I know that she didn't mean what she said and-"

"Bella." I repeated, this time in a harder tone. I didn't like where this was going. The thought of Renee being mad at Bella and saying something inappropriate to her made me angry, very angry. Bella stopped talking for a moment and looked away.

"She said that if I hadn't left, none of this would have happened. After she heard the whole story she said I was stupid to help the girl in the alleyway, that I should have left her to deal with her own mistakes. She also made it clear that I was being irresponsible by not telling the hospital to contact her and Charlie." I let out a low growl of disgust as Bella relayed Renee's comments to me. I hated that woman. She had a record of selfishness and neglect for her daughter's feelings and I was so fucking sick of it. What kind of parent says something like that to their child? After everything Bella has gone through, what kind of _mother_ tells her daughter that she made stupid decisions and that's why she got raped?

"I know it sounds bad but… you know what, fuck that it is bad. It's a horrible thing to say and I was so hurt and angry when she said it, but I didn't, and still don't, want to believe that she meant to say those things. I just don't understand how she would think that saying those things would help me, in any way." Bella's voice shook, heavy with emotion and I squeezed her hand in mine.

"She wasn't worrying about helping you, she was trying to help herself. She cares about you Bella, I know she does, but when it comes to life she's more worried about herself. But you know that honey. You know that she doesn't show you the kind of love you deserve, and it makes me so angry to see you underappreciated. But you are a grown woman, you don't need her to tell you right from wrong anymore, hell you didn't need her to tell you right from wrong when you were a child. Do you think you did the right thing?" I tried to mask my anger towards Renee for Bella's sake. She didn't need to hear me rant and rave right now. But I did want to make it clear that Renee's thoughts held little weight in Bella's life.

"Well I mean, yeah. I don't think I should have left like I did, but I'm glad I didn't marry Edward, and I definitely didn't want to have that young woman's rape hanging over me. I mean I _saw_ her in trouble, if I had just walked by and not done anything it would have haunted me for the rest of my life. I can see how Renee would be angry about me keeping my problems to myself and not letting the hospital contact my her and Charlie, but I really just wanted to deal with the situation on my own. I felt like if I wasn't the one to seek help and fix myself I would always be broken. So yes I think that, for the most part, I did do the right thing."

"Well that's all that matters. You followed your instincts and it got you in a shit load of trouble, but it also brought you back home, and I think the latter is much more important." In truth I was extremely proud of the way she handled things, but she already knew that. She smiled at my words and I smiled right back.

There was a loud slam as my card was brought back to the table, I hadn't even noticed Tammy had come by to pick it up, but her rude interruptions were getting on my nerves.

"Hey Tammy," Bella called in a sweet voice. The short blond hair blue eyed girl walked back to our table and glared at Bella.

"_Yes?"_ she said, clearly agitated.

"I just want you to know, that fine piece of ass sitting across from me is mine. Stop throwing tantrums because it's not going to change anything. Pull up your shirt, and quit batting your eyelashes and slamming things down on the table. You're making yourself look stupid." Tammy's jaw dropped and I could feel the anger radiating off of her in waves, but before she could say anything Bella was out of her seat and out the door. I just sat in my seat stunned for a moment before grabbing my card and following Bella out of the restaurant.

"Holy shit Bella, that was awesome!" I had never known Bella Swan to snap at anyone unless they were messing with her books.

"Yeah we'll seeing as I'm now a badass, I could not allow her to go on with her annoying flirting." Bella said as she got in the car.

"I think I like this new side of you. I always knew you had a feisty streak in you." I joked after getting in the car myself. All the way back to the shop we giggled about Tammy's facial expression after Bella told her off. It was a fun ride back.

_~Redeem~_

The fun ended for us as soon as we got back to the garage. Everybody was back from lunch and because we were the last in I got the most shit to deal with. Quil gave me a slap on the back, Embry smiled, Leah scowled, Collin waggled his eyebrows which earned him a slap across the back of the head, and Paul glared at Bella. I would be having a serious talk with him later.

"Sorry about them," I said once we reached my corner of the garage.

"It's fine. I have to go though, I'm teaching Charlie how to make enchiladas tonight." I laughed and shook my head.

"Still? I'm surprised Charlie lasted this long. We'll have to throw him a party when he finishes his lessons." If Charlie could make it through Bella's program without burning his house down he deserved a party.

"Yeah, and he can cook all the food!" Bella's eyes lit up at the idea.

"Well, on second thought…" Bella gave me a good whack on the arm and said, "Be nice." I laughed and brought her into a hug.

"I'm always nice." I murmured into her ear. I could feel her smiling into my chest and I let out a sigh, and all at once the whole world seemed to relax. A lazy wind blew into the shop and fallen leaves dawdled upward into the air outside. The sun was slowly starting it's decent and all of the animals in the forest went quiet. And for a few moments I felt like Bella and I were the only two people on Earth. And that was perfectly fine with me. But a busted old car with an engine that could be heard from space made it's way into the shop and the moment was gone. I pulled my head back a bit and said, "Well I suppose this is the part where I let you go home."

"Yes, I do believe it is." She replied. I tightened my hold on her for a moment before willing my muscles to relax and letting her go.

"Aww don't worry. You can come by tonight and we can spend time together without the pack around. Come on, don't give me the puppy dog eyes," I was currently giving my best puppy eyes, trying to silently convince her to stay.

"Oh Jake I can't stay. You have work to do."

"I can take the rest of the day off." I suggested.

"No, you stay here and do your work. You'll see me in a few hours."

"Ugh, fine." I pouted. I didn't feel like dealing with cars or the pack. I just wanted to hide away with Bella somewhere quiet. She gave me a quick kiss on the lips and then she was gone, her old truck sputtering away from the shop.

I grudgingly went to work on a 1992 Honda Accord and did my best to lose myself in my work. The car needed a new engine put in and the parts had just come in. While I was in the middle of working Quil came up to me with an impish grin on his face.

"Not now Quil." I knew he was going to want to know what happened with Bella and I didn't feel liked dealing with his shit.

"Fine, fine. But it's coming sooner or later. I want all the juicy details." I rolled my eyes but smiled in spite of myself. When I had finally finished the car I was the only one in the shop, or so I thought. I found Paul in the office packing up his stuff, which was perfect because I had been meaning to talk to him.

"Hey Paul, finished?" I asked.

"Yeah." He said, his tone sharp.

"What did you say to Bella?" I asked. He obviously was going to be a pain in the ass so I decided to cut the pleasantries short and get to my point. He stopped packing his things and stood straight.

"Why, did our little princess get her feelings hurt?" His mocking tone made my temper flare.

"No, in fact she told me she could handle you, but she shouldn't have to put up with your bullshit. You wanna be mad at somebody? Fine, be mad at me, but you leave her alone."

"Oh, I'm mad at you too. You took that little bitch back wit-"

"Watch your fucking mouth. If anyone's acting like a little bitch it's you. Stop meddling in my relationship with Bella. Stop trying to fuck everything up. Yes, I know she messed up a lot, but so does she. She doesn't need you reminding her of her mistakes every time she makes one. Lay off."

"Well you'll have to excuse me for giving a damn about this pack, for noticing that all she does is break and destroy. She can't make up her damn mind about anything. Whether she wants you or the leech, whether she's going to stay in Forks or take off for four years and leave everyone wondering what's happened to her. She just wants attention Jake! She's no good. You wanna know what I told her? I told her that women are all over you. I told her that you wont settle down for more than a few months. I told her about how hard you fell for Sally and that I could wait for you to drop her ass like she dropped you. And I don't give a damn if I hurt your relationship or if I hurt her feelings because it needed to be said and I was the only one with the balls to say it." It all started to click, Bella freaking out at the bonfire about women was because of Paul. I was enraged. What right did he have to tell her those things? To make her insecure and worrisome when she had nothing to worry about?

"I only want to say this one more time so make sure you understand what I'm saying. You are going to leave Bella alone. You aren't going to look at Bella, you aren't going to talk to Bella, you aren't going to _think_ about Bella. You let me do all of that from now on and concentrate on keeping my sister happy. You let me worry about the pack and I'll let you worry about keeping your _balls_ attached to your body. Do we understand one another?" The look on Paul's face was malicious, but he nodded and left the shop. I went around the shop and put away stray tools. I swept the floor and emptied the trash bins and then locked up. I was free from patrol for the first night in weeks. I had assigned it to Jared, Collin, and Brady so the rest of the guys had the night off. With nothing more to do for the day I happily got into the Rabbit and headed to Bella's house.

_~Redeem~_

I got the privilege of watching Bella and Charlie in action. They were about half way done preparing the enchiladas when I arrived and I have to admit I was surprised by how well Charlie was doing. He was starting to move around the kitchen like a real pro, asking for knives by their correct names and dicing onions and cilantro like he had been doing it for years. When they finally came out of the oven they looked delicious.

"Charlie these are really good." I said at dinner.

"Well don't sound so surprised." He tried to play it off but I could see the smallest hint of a blush. He was flattered.

"No, seriously, I'll have to take some to dad. He'll be amazed."

"Oh no. Your old man has been teasing me about this cooking thing since it began. He has to try them here so I can be there to gloat." My dad had formulated a very impressive string of jokes all about Charlie cooking. They were all equally emasculating and equally funny. What really makes them hilarious is Charlie's reaction. His cheeks get all red and he and my dad start bickering like old ladies.

"Alright I think that can be arranged," I said and Charlie smirked. I was definitely going to be there when my dad had some of Charlie's cooking. We all stayed up and watched this science fiction movie called Sharktopus, which was hilariously bad. When it was over Charlie said, "Well I'm about to turn in kids. Bella, Jake can stay over but whatever you do make sure I don't find out about it." Bella blushed furiously and gave me a push for laughing.

"Sure thing Chief." I said as he went up the stairs to his bedroom. Since he was sitting in the middle of Bella and I there was now far too much room between us. So I pulled her up into my lap and wrapped my arms around her. Before she had time to speak I took her lips with mine, which partially satisfied the burning hunger I'd had for her since she left me that afternoon. I pulled back only when I had completely run out of air.

"Well someone was anxious." She giggled.

"Mmm you have no idea." She laughed once more and settled into my chest.

"How was the rest of your day?"

"Boring. I spent the rest of the day working on this one car that needed a new engine put in and then I got into it with Paul and went home." She turned her head up to me with concern written all over her face.

"What did you and Paul argue about?" She asked, but I could tell she already knew the answer.

"I didn't like the fact that you was bothering you, I told him to leave you alone."

"Jake I told you I could handle it. I didn't want to start trouble in your pack."

"There's always trouble with Paul and if he has a problem with you he has a problem with me." I paused for a moment and then said, "He told me what he said to you at the bonfire." There was a long quiet moment before Bella spoke. The faint buzz of the television only added to the tense atmosphere.

"I…I trust you Jake. Whatever Paul says won't change that." Something was off with her, why would she need to let me know…

"Do you think I'm going to just drop you Bella?" There was another pregnant pause.

"Bella?"

"No… no I don't think you would do that, but I would understand if you did. I mean I would be hurt... torn apart actually. But I did drop you Jacob." I winced at her words. I wasn't particularly fond of those memories.

"I was horrible for doing it, but I did do it. I would understand if you found being with me hard or unappealing over time, but if you do I would like to think that I would see the signs before you left and talk to you about it. I know you said we were taking it slow so you could let some of your anger toward me go, but that's not something that can just go away in a month. You may trust me now but that hate and anger aren't completely gone, they might never be." I took in her words slowly and let them sink in before I answered.

"I see where you're coming from, I do. But I'm giving you my word, right now, that I will never drop you. You're right, my bitter feelings may never leave, but what I can promise you is that they will never influence my words or actions. We've both messed up, I know that, you know that. There's plenty of shit I'm sure you could hold against me, but you don't. I think it's only fair that I do the same for you. We're two people that have collected a fair amount of baggage throughout life and this…relationship is going to be tougher than most. But if you're willing to see it through then so am I." We were both struggling to let go of the past, but if we were going to be together we had to forgive one another, and what's more, we had to forgive ourselves.

"I'm more than willing to see it through. There's nobody else I'd rather be with." I smiled. I would never get tired of hearing her say that.

"Well I am one fine piece of ass." I waggled my eyebrows and she let out a laugh.

"Oh god, you're never going to let me live that down are you?" She leaned into me once more with a smile on her face.

"Nope. As a matter of fact I think that will be a wonderful story to tell at our next bonfire." She gasped and looked up at me.

"You wouldn't."

"Oh, but Bella, I would." She looked horrified.

"You will not! Oh, god I can hear the jokes already." Her teeth caught her bottom lip and her eyebrows furrowed with worry.

"Don't forget about the laughs, that's a very important part." I said, laughing myself.

"Oh really? Well in that case maybe I'll tell the whole pack you let me paint your nails." That sobered me up. I didn't want the pack on my ass about Bella painting my nails, that would undermine my authority as Alpha, not to mention start a string of nail jokes that would never stop.

"Point taken." She smiled triumphantly and I gave her peck on the lips. I was glad to admit defeat at the hands of such a beautiful opponent.

**Hi everybody, I know I suck for leaving you all hanging. School took me by surprise and I didn't really have time to focus on this story. I will make it a New Years resolution to be better at updating. Who knows, maybe I can get another chapter out before the New Year. Please leave a review, I love hearing from you guys! I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas! **

**~ladybug82896**


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